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attachment 2 years on and its still happening

aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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Hi
I haven't been on here for 2 long years
I feel myself getting myself into a similiar situation again! I don't know why I can never learn and why it keeps happening so frustrating wish I was just a person who could process things normally and deal with things normally !!!
 
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pepecat

pepecat

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Hey aleshad - good to see you back again :)

How are things going for you these days - what's been happening therapy-wise? I seem to recall you were on a waiting list for something - did that work out?
 
aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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Hi nikita
Yes I remember you really well how are you?.
Yes I'm still working at the school but do a different job now I work for 2 hours Monday to Friday reading with the children and helping children who are upset at lunchtime or anytime during the 2 hours in there.
Yes she did leave and I really struggled until now I think As I'm putting my attachment from her onto someone else.
I have a social worker for my Aspergers who has now found me support workers to help me with all my conditions who come in on a weekly basis.
It's happening again ( the attachment process).
I have a support worker one who I'm really close too as she's my main support worker,she's 2 years older than me and over the last 5 months has helped me so much she even brought me back from the brink of suicide so obviously the attachment I have with her is off the scale as she's saved me and she knows me so well like she can tell within seeing me if I'm really anxious or thinking off doing something stupid etc. I haven't been out much off the house but when I'm with her I know I can grip into her arm and I'm safe!.

I've grown so close too her I would say like my original thread when I first came on here about my CBT therapist I would say it's worse than that one as I've known this support worker for longer and she knows more about me than the cbt therapist.

The support worker I'm close with is getting married in April and she's going away for 3 weeks I really don't know how I'm going to cope, obviously I'm really happy for her but there still a part off me like I can't cope there will be other support workers but they just aren't the same as her, haven't got the same relationship connection understanding, it brings up so many memories when she goes away as my CBT therapist went away for 3 weeks came back and ended the sessions,I struggle on a weekly basis thinking she won't come back.

I know in my heart she won't do that as the company don't work like that as she's reassured me and they know I get attached, I'm just so worried about something and happening too her, not just when she's going away but in general anyway as you see most of my attachments end up with People moving on or leaving I know it's all my fault and I've only got myself too blame
When she first came in I knew we clicked right away and I told myself not too get attached and it's happened again.
I'm looking on Facebook to calm me down to know when I'm not seeing her if she's ok.
Just don't know how to cope with my thoughts and feelings anymore. I've said people understand my conditions but this girl really knows more than anyone.
Losing her would be like losing the CBT therapist all over again and I'm sort of recovering from that but I know if I lost her I would never ever recover.
It's werid I know I'm not alone but I feel so alone with the feelings I feel for her in a friendship way so hard !
X
 
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aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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Hi pepcat!
Hope your ok read post above explains what's been going on!!
Even though I haven't posted for a while I've still been reading your threads! I hear your struggling too.
Yes the therapy has started now been on it 8 months she's really good at trying to help me work out why I get attached etc and my "snowball" thinking !!
X
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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I just wanted you to know that I can totally identify with you in relation to all the attachment issues. I just saw my therapist this morning for the first time in over a month. She was on holidays, and then she got really sick, and I went through all those fears of her not getting better and coming back. We will be here for you while your support worker is away. So many people on this forum supported me while my therapist was away, and really got me through it. I will try to do the same for you, because I know how scary it is to think of losing the people you are so attached to. Sending you lots of hugs.
 
aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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Hi prairie chick
Yes I remember reading your posts about your therapist and wanting to reach out and really hug you as I know what you were going through!.

Gosh I know your feelings so well it's so difficult isn't it when you rely on that one person to get you through everything and especially for you having her be ill on top of that must have been so difficult for you I can totally understand.
That's so sweet thank you it means a lot too me I hope now she's come back your managing better
X
 
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aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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I know finally after 20 years getting the right sort of help unless I stuff it up or she's goes or changes jobs. I just hope she stays ! I'm trying to get as much out of her and support time as I can but so tricky just thinking she's going to go or they will say your getting too attached she can't see you anymore. She's a very positive spontaneous person too so it will be about time before she goes :( and it always seems to be when I get attached to someone they never stay at least a year before they go and leave me and if she went I knew I would totally and utterly give up completely

Thank you for making me feel that these feelings are normal, I know it's only 3 weeks it will feel like an eternity but I guess I just have to ride through it and know she will hopefully come back it's weird in my head it's like a test that when and if she comes back I 100% trust her she won't go if she comes back after her wedding such an awful feeling and I feel so guilty as I do really trust her as obviously otherwise I wouldn't tell her all the things I do. And she's always saying imagine the photos I can show you and the catch up you can give me about you.

It's the first time that a professional has said too me its ok to be attached and not be left but we shall see until after April or if she leaves before thst :(

Oh nikita! Your going through the mill too wow I don't really quite know what to say what a horrible time and experience you've been through and are still going through but I'm glad you've managed to stay strong and put her out of your life! Shows how strong you are and she has no control over you anymore, it's good you've written that letter to protect yourself and to get her out of your mind.

I'm glad that your managing to get help too always helps more when you have the correct support.

I also hope everything goes ok In March and it's nothing too serious which I'm sure it will be fine

Stay strong

Xx
 
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aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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So scared :cry2: when I feel the pain and feelings can't get any worse they do and the time is going so quick just can't wait for this meeting to be over and to know they won't change anything or take her away please don't be a repeat off 4 years ago!!.
so scared I was trying to put a brave face on it today, she was saying I know you don't want to do it but your trying so hard.

I'm so scared. she will be there at the meeting and she reassured me nothing bad will happen and it will be fine thank god she's going to be there im going to need her so much to lean on as I'm going to be so mute in the meeting.

They said they want to meet to go through support and see how they can help me further, but I feel like they want her there to tell her we can't work with one another anymore if they do then They might as well throw away 8 months and stop giving me support as she is helping me so much she's the only one I will go into a social situation with she's the only one who can get me out that door !!.
yes I'm not progressing much but it's only as I'm panicking about her being away for 3 weeks but I don't want to keep bringing it up as it is her wedding she's going away for.

I felt bad today as I was questioning her asking her if she enjoyed her job and would she go back to her other job, so I could prepare myself for her possibly leaving she said she would at some point she's quite a spontaneous person so probably will go back im so scared she's going to go and I'll never see her again let's see if this one can last more than a year as they all seem to go before than ( I guess not !!!!) she has helped me so much so far bringing me back from the brink of suicide she's picked me up made me laugh again and even smile just all seems like the good things can't happen and when they start going a little well the rug gets pulled im so used to it I'm so scared I'm only going into these social situations so they can see I'm progressing and support won't get pulled and I can then cling onto her arm when out instead of doing it with someone don't know as well.
I'm so mixed up and so scared history will repeat itself.

This is why I constantly want to die because of other things too but thinking I could possibly go through a repeat of 2011 again I know if it happened again I mentally could not cope with losing her not again I couldn't you might as well say no hope left. If I can't have her as part off my support I don't want anyone else
She means the absolute world too me and she's brought me back from some relay tough dark places and if she were too go everything would fall apart more than it even is now this is why I wish I never existed!!!!!!!!!!


:HELP: :(
 
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AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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Sending hugs aleshadxcherylc :hug: I hope your meeting is ok, and has a good outcome.
 
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