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At this point, why bother at all?

SicklyBloom

SicklyBloom

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2020
Messages
137
Location
USA
As of typing this, I feel extremely fatigued. I had a breakdown last Saturday and now I feel empty. I've taken nothing but long, hot showers but it doesn't seem to help. I've been having frequent headaches and sleep in until noon. All I can say is that I feel lifeless, like why do I breathe? Nobody in my household understands what's happening to me and I honestly don't expect them to. I'm dealing with this on my own and it's overwhelming to say the least. There's nothing that excites me anymore because trying to what I used to enjoy only breaks my heart. Why bother being alive if you're basically living within someone else's dream but not your own? I don't know what I'm trying to say because it only makes sense when I tell it to myself.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,177
Location
England
Depression is such a cruel condition. I can hear in your words just how low you feel. Just a few days ago you sounded a bit more positive and thinking of dating. I hope you can hold on to that. I know you are in such a difficult situation as you are not able to have therapy.
 
D

Daringdan

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2020
Messages
146
Location
Louisville, Ky
SicklyBloom,
If only you could at least have a break from feeling down, I don't know. I just hope sometime soon you awake from a good sleep feeling refreshed. It is likely to pass right? It's just hard to tell when.
 
SicklyBloom

SicklyBloom

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2020
Messages
137
Location
USA
Depression is such a cruel condition. I can hear in your words just how low you feel. Just a few days ago you sounded a bit more positive and thinking of dating. I hope you can hold on to that. I know you are in such a difficult situation as you are not able to have therapy.
It feels like a balancing act to be honest. I don't know if I should invest more time in my interests or focus on healing emotionally first. I honestly feel like I have to choose one because there's limitations at the moment. Besides, sometimes I'm highly indecisive and usually when I am sure of something, certain circumstances get in the way. I'm a strange case because I can go from being hopeful to hopeless because I second guess myself WAY too much.
 
SicklyBloom

SicklyBloom

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2020
Messages
137
Location
USA
Depression is such a cruel condition. I can hear in your words just how low you feel. Just a few days ago you sounded a bit more positive and thinking of dating. I hope you can hold on to that. I know you are in such a difficult situation as you are not able to have therapy.
Despite of my extreme thinking, I'm taking it easy. I still haven't lost of what I want, in case you're wondering. I've realized my only defense is just letting the depression works its way out of me.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,177
Location
England
You seem to be very insightful into how depression is effecting you and how you can let it pass. I think that is so positive.
 
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