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At The Lowest Point in my Life...

How are you doing?

  • I'm okay

    Votes: 2 66.7%
  • I'm not okay

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I'm in between

    Votes: 1 33.3%

  • Total voters
    3
  • Poll closed .
M

Mirasolsun

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2017
Messages
2
Hello it's my first post around here
But I can't live like this, not relieving this burden off my chest. I need to tell somebody about this. (somewhat long post ahead)

I dropped out of high school and I'm halfway through my last year.
Before that, I've had low mood since August soo I guess it's been for a few weeks.
I was okay, I forced myself to school, tried to be strong. I have a brooding anxiety and was sick of the people at school who treated me as if I wasnt there and teachers giving me disapproving eyes. I don't want to be there, it's causing me to feel bitter everytime I'm in school.
I've even spoken to my mom and aunt about it but they
Seem fine about it and told me to stay strong and never give up on studies.

However the depression seemed to grew worse or maybe it's the stress piling up.
Eventually I snapped. I've decided to drop out because I value my mental health and if nobody is going to help, I will.

I stayed inside my room most of the day only to take toilet breaks. I got food (more like snacks) and water. I've been writing, drawing and going on the internet to keep my sanity.

At this point, I am scared of my parents. I've been depressed before and they weren't accepting of it. And now, after 5 years it's back! They are tired of it. Oh they play a role too, being absent all the time yet expecting me to do good and controlling my actions, decisions and all.

What do I do? I'm scared af and it's depressing me even further. I've had dark thoughts and considered running away. How can I face them? How can I make them accept me again? I'm ready to be disowned.

PS. As for my education, I know what to do. I have a plan and all to beat this dark demon once and for all but I need my parents for resources and support.
Another PS: I am Asian with parental expectations high as ever. I failed them and everything. Idk what to do this is my lowest point ever.

Kind words and virtual hugs highly appreciated :)
I just needed to get that off my chest it's been wrecking my brain since.
Ty for reading.
 
S

spannerswatson

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2017
Messages
4
Good on ya for posting, im new to this as well iv been though a few bouts of depression and anxiety and have solid anger issues. it was hard for dad to understand what was going as well and i felt i couldnt tell him to much cos i didnt want to disappoint him. so i sort of know where ya coming from. my wife is Asian so i know all about the expectation side of things and sh still has real trouble grasping what iv been though. is there a school councilor you can see? and you could always get student loan to fund your studies. maybe you can help your parents understand by finding some material for them to read?
 
M

Mirasolsun

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2017
Messages
2
Update

UPDATE:

I finally got to break it out to my mum and she was very gentle about it.
Now, it's my dad that's going to be the bigger hurdle.
He holds a very huge position at work and is very successful and he wants me to even become a lawyer (Typical asian parents lol)

I'm scared that he's going to take his pride on me and won't accept me anymore.
He's been the one who HATED my depression because it caused a stain on our family
But he isn't that bad.. He had always been the first to be proud of me and always bought me gifts and stuff....

I just hope his pride won't get in the way and will find it in his heart to accept me.
 
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