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At long last, introduction time...

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Perplexed

New member
Joined
Apr 3, 2015
Messages
1
I'm not sure where to begin or how to introduce myself, so this will be rather awkward. Only 3 people in my life understood how to deal with me and I lost contact with them years ago, so you could call this me reaching out again.

Actually, I've been trying to register on this site since 2014, but since I currently live abroad in China, there's no Google server to load the image verification. Moreover, that's not the only reason I haven't wrote anything until now. You see, they don't like when one of us reaches out for help. Years ago, there was therapy, and we didn't like it so much because we resist being changed into pretending what other people call "normal". Sometimes I think normal would be easier to get along with others, but I'm constantly reminded that we don't need anyone else. All of this started since I was very young, but because I have derealization issues, I'm not good at thinking about what time things happened. I can't always remember what the others do either and sometimes I lose track of days. So, I can only say I was young and things happened, some good some bad, and now I'm like this for as long as I remember.

To put this more bluntly, a psychiatrist once told me I suffer symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder. And I was told this basically after a year of therapy to try and regain emotions as I lack empathy. Someone once told me it's called being numbed. So far, I still can't understand things like anger, sadness, etc. They are just words to me and logic seems to be the only thing I get. Besides this, I've suffered some sort of nightmare disorder since I was a child. I still remember the first nightmare quite vividly, and after that they happen nearly every night. More than half of them I die inside the dream, then waking up in a fully body of sweat, and not always but sometimes the dreams continues after death as a spirit. In some dreams months or even years of time pass by, so that when I finally wake up to this world I have trouble believing which is real. Some people say maybe I watch too much TV, but as a child my family was too poor to own a TV, and these days I don't watch much TV.

Maybe by now you think I'm some introvert, but I don't think I fit any such category. Sometimes I do love a solitary lifestyle so I can work on programming, work on a English and Chinese grammar book I'm writing and such. But this won't last long since the others like to be outside. We play badminton with friends, climb mountains, go for walks at the river, go out for meals, and whatever or else people consider to be a normal social life.

Honestly, I don't know who am sometimes, but over the years we've gotten to find peace with each other, however, every thing conflicts when other people try to get close. The best I can describe this is having three souls (personalities) in one body. We weren't always aware of each other until gaps of memory made it difficult to remember what we did, who we met, and other people started filling those gaps in for us. To this day I still run into people who seem to know things about me or claim to have had lunch with me, yet I have no memory of them. They'll also say I seem "different" than before. Fortunately or unfortunately, we sometimes hear each other as voices in the mind. You know how sometimes someone says "are you talking to yourself?" in some sarcastic manner? Well, that's how it is. I end up talking to the other 'souls' while others think I'm some weird guy talking to himself. Sometimes it just gets noisy with them talking to each other or distracting me while I'm trying to talk to someone else. Anyway, being alone has never been lonesome. Lastly, cause this is getting long, I'm not always "awake". I have passed out in the past and later told I woke up "different". So I know this switching problem is random, and they will not be so willing to share. We figured out how to blend in most situations, but when people get close things get too complicated and often lead to severing friendships.

Well, I'm going to stop here since I should probably be putting all this into separate forums, but since I'm new I couldn't quite figure out where to start.

Because I'm merely one personality living in this body, I won't try to speak for us all, but I tend to be more outgoing and willing to do what they won't.

If I had one question to ask, it would be "are there others out there struggling with personality problems related to ours?" We just want to put a term to the problem in order to learn more.
 
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Fruitloop

Guest
Hi perplexed. Welcome
Can you use proxies in china ? It might hep get round the restrictions. Or maybe an add-on for what ever browser your using that will give you a list of proxies from around the world you can connect to? Not sure what the forum policies are on proxies but if you ask a mod they might be able to help. Would be a shame to finally get on here to get some help only to be cut off again.

Sorry to hear about your problems, hope you get the help you need.

"If I had one question to ask, it would be "are there others out there struggling with personality problems related to ours?" We just want to put a term to the problem in order to learn more. "

There's a personality disorder sub-forum which might help and the term you looking for is what your psychiatrist said, dissociative identity disorder or multiple personality disorder i think.

Good luck
 
Last edited by a moderator:
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
I'm so sorry you're having such a rough and confusing time at the moment. Glad you were able to finally access the forum.

Are you currently in touch with any psychiatrists? Sounds like you're having a hard time with it all right now and you need some immediate support.

Wishing you the best.
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
coolhealthguy said:
Hello everyone, I'm new here too. Is there anybody to welcome me ?
Of course! Welcome to the forum. Why don't you make a thread in the introduction section and tell us more about yourself?

:)
 
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