at a loss with my daughter.

L

little me

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#1
Today, instead of going straight to school, my daughter went for a wander, and turned up at 9.40. It was the first day of her SATS exams, and it held the whole year 6 up, having to wait for her, as school had phoned me at 9.05 to see if she was absent, because these exams follow her into secondary school. At 2.25 I recieved another phonecall from the school telling me my daughter had set the fire alarm off, disrupting the whole school, and taking Oldhams only fire engines out of action for 1 hour, and didn't seem remotly remorseful, infact, was more angry that the teacher was going to tell me, blaming the teacher if she got her WII taken of her (she got it on Saturday for her birthday). She Wouldn't say sorry, and totally blanked the fire chief when he was trying to tell her that bycoming out to deal with this, they wouldn't be able to attend a real fire, and lives were at risk. She's in the advanced and gifted class, which is difficult enough to get in, but she is risking being removed and put in one of the standard yr6 classes. She has been offered a place at New Charter Academy in September, which is totally out of our area, different council altogether, and she's going to lose this place because of her behaviour. She did it for a dare, and even when the girl who dared her tried to stop her (once she had realised Kaytee was going to do it for real) she carried on, knocking her, then two other girls over, and smashed the glass with her fist.

She's already seeing a counsellor for her social difficulties, but the school are now sending a letter to the Dr. recomending she attend Reflections, and then be statemented as having special needs, despite being the brightest in the school. She disrupted the sats exams too.. She's predicted all level 6A's. God I could strangle her sometimes, but I'm just to upset to be angry.
I'm trying really hard not to let this effect my mental status, but at the same time, I'm so worried that there is something seriously wrong with her. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

What the hell am I supposed to do with her? I feel like I'm banging my head on a brick wall.:mad:
 
daffy

daffy

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#2
What an awful predicament to be in. Its difficult to know what to do for the best. Shes obviously a bright girl, could she possibly be being bullied because of this. My daughter suffered as she was called a swot and misbehaved to try to fit in.

I would sit her down and tell her shes going nowhere till she listens to what shes done and the effect it could have on her future. Does she want to go to the particular school. Or is this a reaction trying to make it impossible

She needs to know what she has done could have had very serious consequenses.I would consficate her WII and tell her she can have it back when she phones the fire station and apologises, and stick to it. If you dont she will know she has one and shes at the age when she needs bounderies.

I would also contact her councellor to see what her opinion is.

I dont know if this is any help but I do have 2 grown up children who were no angels but are now wonderful adults .
 
D

Dollit

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#3
Is this the first time she's behaved extremely or is this the first time? You did mention social difficulties but not what they are - is this why she's considered special needs and being statemented?

Daffy is right though you have to follow punishment through on this one. I have a partnership with my Fire Service and I know how much money it cost to send that fire tender today and it was a lot more than a WII not to mention the risk to other lives. Daffy is also right - young people need boundaries and they need them to be reinforced. I know it must be hard sometimes but I wish my parents had noticed my bad behaviour when I was younger, I really do.
 
L

little me

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#4
thanks Daffy, the wii was taken off her straight away, as was tv, dvd player and computer.
She isn't being bullied, and has a large group of friends, to them she is like god, they follow her about, doing whatever she wants them to. She wanted to go this school more than anything, even begged me to send her there. We struggled to get her in because it's so far away and she only got in because she is the brightest in the school, but her behaviour is getting out of control, she just treats everyone with utter contempt.
That's a great idea about the fire station, I think I will make her write a letter to them, stating why she is saying sorry, and what the consiquences could have been due to her actions, and hand it in in person, so they can tell her exactly what they think about what she did.

At this moment in time, she is in her room, cleaning it from top to bottom, and when she has finished that, she can start on the bathroom.

And yes, I think I will have to talk to her counsellor about how we are going to move forward with her.
Thanks for the advice, and for caring, it beats sitting here totally dumbfounded.
 
L

little me

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#5
Dollit, nope, not the first time at all. And yes, this is why she is being statemented. She lacks any empathy for others, and totally disregaurds others opinions and feelings.
She's been seeing her councellor for the past two years, as I brought it to the attention of my doctor that she was so damn defiant. She has ODD, and this is so difficult to get through to people, as she is so ahead of her classmates they cannot understand why she is so disruptive.

We are sticking to our guns on this one, we cannot allow her to continue doing this, God only knows where it will end if we do.
Thanks Dollit.
 
D

Dollit

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#6
I've read a little about ODD - you have my total sympathy for what it's worth. Ties in with the high intelligence level. Please don't hold back if you need to get things of your chest, this is a difficult thing to face - pm if you don't feel that you want to put things on public forum. I just wish I could do more. :hug:
 
L

little me

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#7
Thankyou Dollit, and yes, it is very hard with her, she can be such a wonderful child sometimes, but those times are few and far between right now. I'm starting to wonder if it's due to hormonal changes she's having more difficulty coping with her ODD. I don't want to make excuses for her, and I'm trying really hard right now to stand my ground... Having a child with mental issues is hard enough, but having them yourself, and trying to tell the child off for doing what her brain tells her is perfectly acceptable is a nightmare... because I know exactly what it's like.
I'm not angry with her at all, just disappointed, I thought she knew what was totally unacceptable, but now I'm worried that she has no judgement at all.
Just hoping that we are getting through to her. Fingers crossed.
 
D

Dollit

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#8
Do you have a mood disorder? More boys than girls have ODD early on but it evens out at puberty so hormones could be a factor. Plus you know we do push boundaries anyway at puberty, we seem programmed to rebel but she just goes that bit further.
 
L

little me

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#9
I have BPD, so it's a happy hell of a household! I'm going to call her councellor tomorrow and see our Dr too, maybe a change in medication is needed as she's changing too.
So glad my hubbie is a total rock, because right now, I'd be going through the window.. hehehe
Ohhh, I hope one day I can look back on this and think "thank God we got through it", but right now, it's like fighting bears in a pit.
Well, tomorrow's another day, hopefully a less eventful one!:)
 
D

Dollit

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#10
You have such a fantastic attitude - I really hope people here can learn from you. You are brilliant, thank you for coming here. :hug:
 
L

little me

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#11
I'm really embarrased now. Thanks. I really struggled for a long time with my BPD, but when I decided to embrace it, instead of hiding from it, it became easier to cope. Infact, I quite like my mental illness now, it's a part of who I am, and I'm not ashamed of how I turned out even with it fighting me all the way. There's no point in dwelling on the past, and how that's effected me, but instead looking to the future and how I will effect that!
I owe a lot to my psychotherapist, and am so greatful I have a good support system. I only wish more people got the help they need.

I am so glad to be here too, it's wonderful that there is a forum that no-one is judged for being different.:)
 
D

Dollit

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#12
I'm sure you'll make friends easily. Quite a few of us have blogs in the journals section - we chat to each other there a lot and it's really nice when 3 or 4 friends get together and chat. Come and have a look :)