- Dec 31, 2020
So I've been suffering from mental health issues for a while and im sort of at a loss. I have a few issues that Im struggling with
- I have pretty severe but varying depression and I was diagnosed with dysthymia. I often think of killing myself and how I would do it but I feel confident that I would never act on it. I had a bad episode a few months ago that prompted me to start therapy again. I can't say I've had a particularly difficult life and I struggle with the idea of being depressed because I feel like I have no reason to be depressed. I do this despite knowing that its an imbalance but I can't help it.
- I work in a creative industry and have little to no creative drive until im in the thick of a project that determines my livelihood. Independently, I am rarely artistically motivated which is something that has grown more problematic within the last few years. Overall I feel indifferent to almost everything. This leads to some pretty heavy self destructive thinking because I see colleagues becoming better and better as I remain stale.
- I have an incredibly hard time focusing. Even writing this, I'm thinking about a million other things. My mind feels like its in a haze and I constantly forget things. I have a hard time completing tasks and its fucking up my career, my relationship and life overall.
- Occasionally I tend to fixate on one thing - can go hours without drinking water, eating etc - psychiatrist described it as a manic episode but not sure I agree
- Tried running in the mornings (stopped doing because of weather)
- meditation (inconsistent on this)
- yoga (inconsistent on this)
- improved sleeping habits (recently got worse)
- Therapy bi weekly (last 4-5 months)
- psychiatrist monthly (last 3 months)
- Trying to learn a language (failing miserably)
- Mostly Vegetarian diet- only occasionally eating fish
- Gluten free for celiac
- way less drinking - used to be a few 6 packs a week. Now about one or two 6 packs a month
- Improved eating overall - lost about 25lbs in a few months
- Mushrooms (this was the best performer but didnt try it long enough because I ran out)
- Buproprion XL (low dose then increased dosage - felt absolutely nothing)
- Adderall ( was concerned about taking it regularly)
- Pristiq (about 3 months in - not feeling very different)
- Concerta 18mg ( few weeks in - same)
- 15mg L-Methylfolate ( yeh nothin)