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At 30 years old I have little independence or skills.

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Empty_void

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 6, 2020
Messages
48
Location
uk
You know, the worst thing about lacking independence, is that parents can be really controlling/irritating. I feel as if I'm being held hostage, never having the chance to escape. If I ever mention that I could move out one day, they cross their arms, roll their eyes or ignore me. There is no encouragement, no support about it. When I try to confront them and explain that their attitude angers me, they act as if they never had any problem with me moving out and patronise me saying "we can't wait for you to leave home, we've been stuck with you for far too long"..... I hate it when people insult my intelligence like this. Why do parents have to be so manipulative?
I think you should do it! Do it for yourself. I got kicked out when I was in a bad way completely abandoned. I'd not for their cruelty I would probably sti be living there. It's a long way to build up confidence and self reliance. Take it slow and try not to let anyone else in your head. You control you. It's all you have. Don't give it away. If I can accept my weakness and keep going so can you.
 
Antimatter

Antimatter

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2020
Messages
714
Location
UK
You see Sweet? So many of us has a similar pattern of struggles.

Perhaps try setting yourself smaller targets, and forget comparing yourself to others they do not suffer the same illness as you.

We have to be strong and use enormous amounts of energy just to function.
 
PerpetuallyStuck

PerpetuallyStuck

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
546
Location
England
I think you should do it! Do it for yourself. I got kicked out when I was in a bad way completely abandoned. I'd not for their cruelty I would probably sti be living there. It's a long way to build up confidence and self reliance. Take it slow and try not to let anyone else in your head. You control you. It's all you have. Don't give it away. If I can accept my weakness and keep going so can you.
Thanks for the reply and support!

I need a job before I can realisitically move out, and the trouble is that businesses and job centre staff treat me in a similar patronising way, not taking me seriously and not giving me any chance to progress. It's like a situation where you need experience to get a job, but if you haven't been able to get experience before, how do you get it? I'm not a wizard that can make things happen out of nothing. It's like if someone doesn't want to know you as a friend, it's not going to happen is it, no matter how much I'd want it. If I apply for jobs, I panic. I worry about having to meet new people, and that is part of why my parents think I'm incapable. However, I can get used to things eventually. Another issue is that they are very choosy about what sort of job I'd do. They put pressure on me not to do things a lot. They don't understand how that could make me nervous and doubtful!
 
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Empty_void

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 6, 2020
Messages
48
Location
uk
Thanks for the reply and support!

I need a job before I can realisitically move out, and the trouble is that businesses and job centre staff treat me in a similar patronising way, not taking me seriously and not giving me any chance to progress. It's like a situation where you need experience to get a job, but if you haven't been able to get experience before, how do you get it? I'm not a wizard that can make things happen out of nothing. It's like if someone doesn't want to know you as a friend, it's not going to happen is it, no matter how much I'd want it. If I apply for jobs, I panic. I worry about having to meet new people, and that is part of why my parents think I'm incapable. However, I can get used to things eventually. Another issue is that they are very choosy about what sort of job I'd do. They put pressure on me not to do things a lot. They don't understand how that could make me nervous and doubtful!
Have you considered not confiding in them so much and beginning to distance yourself a little bit from them? Yeah interviews are horrible but I suppose you'll only see them once so it doesn't matter on top of that best not to tell anyone when you go for an interview then only you will know about it. All good practice. It's very hard especially if you lack confidence but realistically what is the alternative? Hope you're doing okay.
 
PerpetuallyStuck

PerpetuallyStuck

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 20, 2020
Messages
546
Location
England
Have you considered not confiding in them so much and beginning to distance yourself a little bit from them?

Yeah interviews are horrible but I suppose you'll only see them once so it doesn't matter on top of that best not to tell anyone when you go for an interview then only you will know about it. All good practice. It's very hard especially if you lack confidence but realistically what is the alternative? Hope you're doing okay.
If I distance myself, I get forgotten about. If I confide, they become controlling. No win situation.

I've applied for lots of jobs in the past, and would be called in for interviews in multiple places. Being unemployed for a long time means I don't get the chance to work, even if I get an interview. It is demoralising and frustrating to keep getting rejected, after putting in effort.

Life isn't good, but I don't get to the point of being critical. I just exist. Thanks for the kind words though. I hope you are ok too.
 
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Empty_void

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 6, 2020
Messages
48
Location
uk
If you distance yourself you get forgotten about. On the other side you feel controlled. Have you told them how you really feel? I just exist. What would it take to live for yourself? Life is bitter, it changes us, we have little control but what we can control is what we do. I'm a little bit of a hypocrite as I cannot seem to direct my own life at the moment. I feel like I am drifting waiting to die. Waiting for the end of all this nonsense. But in between those moments I feel myself striving for something. When I feel my worste I try to remember there is a gun to my head any day I could die. So nothing matters. Everything will be forgottenthere is always worse situations to be in. No matter how bad there will be an end. Sorry I'm rambling. Do you have any interests?
 
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