Asperger Syndrome, mental health and feeling generally crap

deedle141

deedle141

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 24, 2011
Messages
49
Location
London, UK
#1
That sums up my life at the moment.
I was diagnosed with AS 3 months ago, and it has had a massive impact on my life. Some of it is positive; I think it explains the way I am and everything that has happened to me much better than BPD ever did, and it is a comforting label to have. But now I'm really starting to notice how much the downsides of it affect me. I have this depression that goes round in cycles, always hitting at this time of year - coinciding nicely with the new school year (I'm a teaching assistant) when everything seems to change and my routine changes.

I'm so bored when I'm not at work, but I'm finding that really hard at the moment, too, and I can't settle to anything at home. I have this list of things I can do - contact old friends who are at uni, sort out my ucas form (I want to go to uni in September, too), do my share of the housework, reply to the letter someone sent me, play with the pets; but I can't find the motivation to do any of it. So I can't win.

I don't have many friends because all my relationships have to be quite intense; I only have two close friends - one who lives 80 miles away and one who lives round the corner who I see more often, but when she's busy I'm stuck on my own. I spend a lot of time on my own and I'm fed up with it.

I think everyone's had enough of me, especially my aunt (more like my mum). I think the friends I do have don't like me really, they just put up with the way I talk and talk and talk about myself and the way I'm so selfish because they are being kind. I don't know what they really think of me. I'm seeing my close friend who lives nearby later but I can't talk to her because she has depression and she has enough to put up with, and last time I felt down she wasn't supportive. (She was feeling really low herself at the time except I can't tell without her spelling it out for me - stupid AS - so I guess that's why and I've let her off the hook - but that just proves that we could be in the same position this time).

I'm now debating whether or not to post this. I seem to use this forum to complain way more than I do to be supportive. I'm so selfish. I am going to post it because I don't know what else to do. But feel free to tell me where to go or ignore.

Sorry :unsure:
 
R

Rose19602

Guest
#2
Hi there,
I read your post with interest.
It must be a strange feeling to be diagnosed with Aspberger's so late in life. I'm assuming it's quite mild?
I'm interested because I have always wondered whether my son has it. He is dyslexic (mildly), had tics when he was 5-15yrs and seems to always get the wrong end of the stick socially, whilst being very good at physics and maths. At 15 we sat at some traffic lights and on seeing a fascia board giving the name of a company and detailing below: Tel: Nottingham 745 307 - he remarked, "Tell Nottingham what?". There have been lots of other instances and his christmas letter to Father Christmas at the age of 7 just dotted words all over the page. I've seen various peadiatricians, ed psychs etc....but never got any closer to a diagnosis. He still behaves in a gauche and socially naiive way now at 17...... it worries me.
I know that this doesn't help you, but does any of this ring any bells with you?
x
 
deedle141

deedle141

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 24, 2011
Messages
49
Location
London, UK
#3
I'm not sure how mild or severe it is, to be honest. According to the psychologist it was pretty obvious though.

I can sort of recognise some of the things you described. I'm also good at physics and maths in some respects, and I struggle in social situations, though I don't really understand what you mean by "socially naive". I do take things literally, but I do know what a lot of phrases mean and can use them with no difficulty, e.g. for the phrase "ring any bells" the first thing I think of is a pair of gold hand bells being rung at Christmas, but I do still understand what is meant and it is a phrase I use a lot. Was your son genuinely unsure in the example you gave or was he making a joke based on the way he read the sign? I don't mean to cause offence - I only ask because I use my literal thinking as a form of humour (e.g. I draw pictures of a free-range egg running free in a field for a laugh, even though I know precisely what a free-range egg is in reality). It is the sort of thing I would do. Other people don't always understand the joke I have made unless I draw it though.

I don't think I ever dotted words all over a page when writing though, but that could be due to dyslexia - it's one of the things I am aware of when working with children around that age as a possible indicator. I don't have dyslexia myself.

I don't have tics either, though I do have some really clumsy body language and I am sometimes aware that I am moving my arms strangely and suddenly - usually when I am feeling uncomfortable in a social situation. I also sometimes realise I am rocking backwards and forwards gently, but I allow myself to continue if I am alone or with close friends as it feels comfortable and they are used to it!

The symptoms of AS and other autistic spectrum disorders can vary widely from person to person though - that's why it is a spectrum disorder.

I hope that helps
 
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Rose19602

Guest
#4
Yep, I know about autism spectrum disorders and I know how the symptoms can vary. The telephone number thing was genuine. He was very embarrassed when I explained. I put it down to dyslexia with
"tel." and "tell" being difficult to distinguish between.
He's also translated the phrase "go on my son!" literally....thinking the man concerned was the father and many other instances. The inability to interpret social cues is what I construe as naiivety.
Anyway, I'm tired this morning. I think I read your post and it set my mind off into anxiety. That happens if I'm tired out...I lapse!
I really hope that you find posting on this forum helpful for your depression.
I would suggest you use the depression forum and flag up the Aspbergers connection. You will probably receive more replies there.
take care and apologies if I didn't reply terribly well
x
 
deedle141

deedle141

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 24, 2011
Messages
49
Location
London, UK
#5
Anyway, I'm tired this morning. I think I read your post and it set my mind off into anxiety. That happens if I'm tired out...I lapse!

x
Ooh, sorry :unsure:

It was nice to talk about it (well, write anyway).

I might repost this there as you suggest - I just wasn't sure if
it belonged there and I'm terrified of getting things wrong!

Thanks
 
R

Rose19602

Guest
#6
Don't be sorry. You did nothing wrong at all.
I'm just a bit grumpy this morning and saying all the wrong things.
If anyone should be sorry it's me.

You take care and try posting in the other forum. It's probably the best place for support with depression.
x
 
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