• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Asperger and relationship

K

Keith Eire

New member
Joined
Sep 23, 2018
Messages
2
Hello!
If you don't mind I need a piece of advice. I guess that I have Asperger syndrome. I've never been diagnosed (and I believe I'll never undergo this procedure), but descriptions I've read are very precise and definitely relate to me. I tried to find clinical tests online and answered them on different websites and in three different languages. All the results were positive.
Sorry for a long introduction, I'm proceeding to the problem now. I understood that I was different very early and then I had no idea about types of disorders and how they worked. What I knew was that I was not functioning properly and could be taken for crazy (which is scary when you are five). So since then I've been doing my best to look like average and through years developed a long list of tips to do so. I'm still considered weird, but I know that it's my best shot.
I'm thirty now, and my parents keep pushing harder and harder that I should marry. Sometimes they are even implying that it might be something wrong with me, and it is the last revelation I want them to make. But I can't accomplish what they want. E.g. it took me years of efforts to tolerate touch, and even now when I don't have an opportunity to brace myself for that I can react violently. I can't imagine having to struggle all the time, without any opportunity to relax.
What do you think is the best course of action?
 
H

Helena1

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
Messages
10,028
Location
UK
It seems a bit silly to do something that would make both you and most likely your future spose quite miserable to please your parents. Your parents should become happy with whatever you choose to do with your own life.
I guess your other option is to find a spouse that is compatible to you, like doesn't really like touch etc, but is that what you want?
 
K

Keith Eire

New member
Joined
Sep 23, 2018
Messages
2
I've actually been considering the idea of looking for someone with similar issues. We could make good friends and possibly be a happy couple. Sometimes it looks like a real way out. But I don't know how to find such a man. One can't just ask about these things. Then how do I know?
And thank you.
 
InfiniteRectangles

InfiniteRectangles

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 23, 2018
Messages
508
Location
Georgia, USA
First, I want to say never trust an online test. Take the results with a grain of salt. If you really do think you have Asperger's and want a diagnosis I would suggest going and talking to someone who can diagnose you. I'm not a huge fan of self-diagnosing. I think that I am autistic, but I don't say that I am because I haven't been diagnosed. I do want to talk to someone who can diagnose me at some point though.

Anyway, going into a relationship just because you feel pressured to is not a good way to start a relationship. I wouldn't worry too much about what your parents say. Just do what feels right. Wait until you find someone you connect with. Someone you can be happy with. You are an adult. You can make your own choices. Don't let your parents pressure you into something you aren't comfortable with. And just because you're thirty and not married does not mean that there is a problem with you or that something is wrong with you. You just haven't found "the one" yet, and that's perfectly okay.
 
L

Little-Loss-Soul2

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2018
Messages
145
Location
Canada
I've actually been considering the idea of looking for someone with similar issues. We could make good friends and possibly be a happy couple. Sometimes it looks like a real way out. But I don't know how to find such a man. One can't just ask about these things. Then how do I know?
And thank you.
If you want something real start with being friends then let it move to the direction it takes.Can't force it. If you force it then it will fail in the end anyways.

Best of luck
 
Per Ardua Ad Astra

Per Ardua Ad Astra

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2014
Messages
9,060
Location
North of England, UK
In a state of much distress - and having been subject to piss-poor policing and health and social care already - a 'police officer' (and a 'sargeant' at that), once asked me in very cold, demeaning and alienating way, if I knew "what a relationship is"?

What I should have asked this wretched miscreant (instead of walking out and saying three times, 'The Police have failed', is whether or not he (and many of his 'colleagues'), know what legality, duty of care and related concepts are?

I'm guessing the answer is No - either that, or he is a feckless, criminal twat, who in failing to assist the vulnerable and uphold the Law, belongs before a Judge, and shortly thereafter, behind bars.

He and many of his colleagues, certainly have no place in what ought to be a Police service. The idea is to maintain law and order, not disrupt and contravene it, and help vulnerable people, not destroy them :)
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
Mayfair Autism and Mental Health 3
Top