• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

(ASPD) I feel like my emotions aren’t real

F

FunkyJunky

New member
Joined
Dec 20, 2021
Messages
1
Location
USA
I have this thing that I do where if I’m feeling (or think that I’m feeling) a certain emotion, I immediately think about how physically acting out that emotion (ie crying) will affect how other people behave, and thinking this way sort of delegitimizes the emotion I was initially feeling and makes me wonder: Am I actually feeling this way? or am I really just pretending to feel this way to elicit a certain response from others?

As an example: Say I got a phone call at work from someone saying that someone I knew passed away. I immediately recognize that this is “bad news,” and may even think I feel sad about it, but I just as quickly begin thinking about how acting sad or depressed about the event could get me sympathy from coworkers, and that could potentially allow me to go home early from work, which is awesome for me, and maybe get some sympathy points/gifts as consolation. And this line of thinking just brings the question: Do I even really feel sad about this? Is it all just an act? Is anything I think I feel even real, or is it just a ploy to get others to act a certain way?

This way of thinking is just so automatic to me now, which makes it even harder to discern what I’m really feeling and what I’m just acting—or if there’s any difference between the two at all. It’s very confusing.

Anyone relate? Have advice? Etc?
 
T E_90

T E_90

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 4, 2021
Messages
489
Location
__
Hi and welcome
I'm currently diagnosed ASPD and bipolar.
Honestly, I've never thought about whether or not my emotions (crying) can be real, if I cry (very rare) is usually just for myself, out of frustration.
I know that I feel empty and detached from others and I behave according to it.
I think that if you think too much about the truthfulness or otherwise of each emotion,
you end up blowing your head off (a bit like thinking about where the universe might ends).
In the end, even if it were fake, what would it change? Many pretend for others in any case, there are no Saints.
As long as it makes your life easier and others don't notice it, in my opinion there's no need to think about it too much.
I would focus more on why you feel this way, what led you to this.
Hope this helps
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
2,915
Location
Australia
I have this thing that I do where if I’m feeling (or think that I’m feeling) a certain emotion, I immediately think about how physically acting out that emotion (ie crying) will affect how other people behave, and thinking this way sort of delegitimizes the emotion I was initially feeling and makes me wonder: Am I actually feeling this way? or am I really just pretending to feel this way to elicit a certain response from others?

As an example: Say I got a phone call at work from someone saying that someone I knew passed away. I immediately recognize that this is “bad news,” and may even think I feel sad about it, but I just as quickly begin thinking about how acting sad or depressed about the event could get me sympathy from coworkers, and that could potentially allow me to go home early from work, which is awesome for me, and maybe get some sympathy points/gifts as consolation. And this line of thinking just brings the question: Do I even really feel sad about this? Is it all just an act? Is anything I think I feel even real, or is it just a ploy to get others to act a certain way?

This way of thinking is just so automatic to me now, which makes it even harder to discern what I’m really feeling and what I’m just acting—or if there’s any difference between the two at all. It’s very confusing.

Anyone relate? Have advice? Etc?

I've been a bit like this since my early teens I think. I never know how to react to stuff. I never simply REACT. I either go numb and switch off and go completely cerebral with no emotions until much later when I'm alone, or I have to quickly think how I should react so as to appear somewhat "normal" or at least in fitting with how I would normally appear.

I only truly feel things more naturally when I'm alone.
 
Halcyone

Halcyone

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 5, 2022
Messages
64
Location
Ireland
I have this thing that I do where if I’m feeling (or think that I’m feeling) a certain emotion, I immediately think about how physically acting out that emotion (ie crying) will affect how other people behave, and thinking this way sort of delegitimizes the emotion I was initially feeling and makes me wonder: Am I actually feeling this way? or am I really just pretending to feel this way to elicit a certain response from others?

As an example: Say I got a phone call at work from someone saying that someone I knew passed away. I immediately recognize that this is “bad news,” and may even think I feel sad about it, but I just as quickly begin thinking about how acting sad or depressed about the event could get me sympathy from coworkers, and that could potentially allow me to go home early from work, which is awesome for me, and maybe get some sympathy points/gifts as consolation. And this line of thinking just brings the question: Do I even really feel sad about this? Is it all just an act? Is anything I think I feel even real, or is it just a ploy to get others to act a certain way?

This way of thinking is just so automatic to me now, which makes it even harder to discern what I’m really feeling and what I’m just acting—or if there’s any difference between the two at all. It’s very confusing.

Anyone relate? Have advice? Etc?

Thanks for your insight, FunkyJunky. I think it's normal to a degree to indulge the selfish angle in any situation, however "sad" the situation may be. It may depend on the quality of the relationship when they were alive. Nothing pathological there. However, sometimes it is exactly that. When my mother died, I was 16 years old and the most joy I felt was that I could smoke in my bedroom and have house parties whenever I want. She wasn't a bad woman by any stretch, she wasn't cruel; she was just in my way.

As far as advice, in my experience the best we can do is become craftsmem/women of our own personas. It doesn't go any deeper than that. Acceptance is the way forward.
 
Top