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Asking CPN about being admitted?

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natasha244

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Jan 1, 2015
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Hey so my name is Natasha and I'm 19... I am in Secondary mental health services after being discharged from CAMHS when I turned 18.
Basically, I was put into secondary care after primary said it would be more suited to my needs because I am a "complicated and complex case".... Since then I have been put on three different meds, seen the crisis team people and quite recently got assigned to a CPN.
My CMHT is in a psychiatric hospital also.

Basically, I feel my depression and self harm is becoming a major problem. I usually have to go to minor injuries to get my injuries seen to. For the last couple of months I have been having more suicidal thoughts, but I am scared to tell my CPN, she knows I'm really struggling and that I have suicidal thoughts, but yeah I've not told her the details of it :( I don't want my mum to find out because she found my mood journal and read it all so she knows the majority but she just doesn't understand and it just makes things ten times worse.

I feel my depression is getting worse and worse. I'm too scared to ring the crisis people which sounds stupid but I have Aspergers and Social Anxiety so it takes me hours to build up the courage and then I never say what I want to say... :sorry:

Stressors like sixth form and homework and exams and mock exams, and revision as well as struggling everyday is making things worse, then there's family stuff and argh. I had to resit year 13 as I couldn't do my A-level exams due to mental health.
Everything is just a hindrance to me recovering. I can't focus on helping myself, it all seems too much and just too pointless... It takes me hours to get myself to shower and do normal everyday stuff.
My medication isn't working. They've increased and changed my meds twice in just over a year, and I am now on Mirtazapine and it's doing nothing. I don't know how much longer I can cope feeling this low tbh... my thoughts sometimes scare me:cry:

I am thinking of asking my CPN about being admitted when I next see her, which is next week. I feel this is the final thing that can help, I am on a 2+ year waiting list for therapy, and my meds aren't working. I've tried Citalopram, Venlafaxine as well as Mirtazapine. When I was at CAMHS I did DBT, CAT, Psychotherapy and CBT therapy as well as having one to one sessions and 2 years worth of counselling in college. I also had 3 months worth of counselling with RASASC too...

I just don't see how else I will have a chance to get better, and focus on recovery without the stress I am having, as well as the chances of hurting myself being decreased if I am in the hospital. I don't want to, but I feel it's the only thing left now...

How do I ask my CPN? As far as I'm aware I don't have a current Care Plan? I can't cope so I need to tell someone soon, but how? What do I write... :low:
I just wish I was like all my 19 year old friends... :low:
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
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1,079
Hi Natasha and welcome to the forum.

So sorry to hear that you're struggling and that everything is too much to cope with at the moment. I know that feeling well and can totally understand it.

I also know how difficult it can be to phone someone and reach out for help when you know you need it. I don't know if this would be of any use to you but, if you feel you are at breaking point and can't pick up the phone, the Samaritans have an email address you can use to contact them: [email protected]

I was just wondering, would it not be possible for you to take a year out and have a break from everything, to give you the time and space you need to recover? Or do you feel that hospital is the only viable option?

Tell your CPN exactly what you've shared with us here. Print out your post and hand it over if easier. It explains well your worries and issues.

I hope that you get some assistance from your CPN and that you get the opportunity to recover soon :hug1:
 
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natasha244

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Thankyou for replying :)

I will try the e-mailing idea, it does seem a lot easier! I think the only advantage to when I do manage to ring the crisis people is that they let the CMHT, and my CPN, know that I've rang so I usually get seen a few days afterwards, but I will give the e-mail a go!

In terms of college and stuff, unfortunately I don't think I could re-sit year 13 again after this year.. because I am already 19 and I should technically be in uni now, and I'm not sure whether I would be too old for sixth form again come this September. My teachers all know what's going on and stuff and understood why I wasn't doing their exams last year, but I feel I already annoy them with the lack of attendance ect this year... and all my friends from my year group have gone to uni so I feel alone :low:
My mum said if I don't go to sixth form I can go and get a job because I'm not staying here doing nothing... but I wouldn't even be able to hold down a job, I'm finding it hard enough to just get up... So I don't really have a choice but everything is just adding to the stress making it impossible to get a break and sort myself out :(
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Hey, no worries. I hope that your day hasn't been too bad.

I do still think you need to tell all of this to your CPN to find out what your options are and what help they can offer you. At least then you will know how things stand and they will know how bad you are feeling.

The Samaritans email is a good idea but they can't always get back to you straight away (I just find that typing everything down and knowing that someone will read it helps me) but if things get really bad and you need to see someone still try to phone the crisis team. At least you have the options there, depending on how you are feeling. Keep posting on here too as that can often help. Even if we don't have any particular advice, we can offer support.

Let us know how you get on.
 
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natasha244

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Location
Neverland
I think I am definately going to write a letter to my CPN, that's what I usually do if I feel I can't say things... I just hope I get listened to and taken seriously. I would think that the fact I'm even contemplating the hospital idea would highlight how much I'm struggling, as nobody wants to be in a hospital - But I'm literally that desperate to get better, because so far nothing is working.. I'm just worried that she will think I'm being over dramatic and stuff :shrug:

I think over the weekend I will e-mail the Samaritans if I am still really struggling... I am seeing my CPN on Wednesday morning so it's only 5 more days , but it feels so much longer than that :low: Also, I go back to sixth form on Monday which I am dreading because the homework,revision,mock exams and classwork is just too much to handle as well as getting myself composed and actually getting out of my pyjamas and putting on a brave face :sorry: and it's just going to pile and pile on top of me , but I can't say anything to my teachers incase I annoy them or they think I'm being dramatic (I have a 'thing' with being worried about upsetting/annoying others and letting them down)

If things get really bad before Wednesday though, I will try and force myself to make that phone call to the crisis people..
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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I think that what you have planned is a good idea and keeps everything covered. Sorry that you feel so down about Monday. Just keep in mind that it will only be two days later that you will be seeing your CPN. Sometimes the time flies by sometimes it drags. It rarely seems to work in our favour.

Stay strong and hopefully your CPN will be able to help you out.
 
N

natasha244

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Joined
Jan 1, 2015
Messages
80
Location
Neverland
Thankyou so much for still replying to me, it means a lot :D
At the moment I'm just trying to get through each day as carefully as I can, as I don't think another trip to Minor injuries will go down well in my favour :unsure:

I've started my letter, so far it's mostly what's been going on in my head for the last couple of weeks... As weird as it sounds I don't actually know how to ask about the hospital. Part of me is worried she will think I'm just being a drama queen, and another part is worried that if they say no or question me as to why, I will be left feeling really embarrassed and awkward for even asking:redface:

I can post what I have of my letter so far so you and any one else who see's it can give me advice on whether I should include anything etc. I would appreicate it :mrgreen:
 
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