As a partner of someone with GAD I am totally exhausted

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FynnMcCool

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Jul 13, 2019
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So this is maybe another angle. Maybe not the right forum. Maybe will feel selfish. But I am mentally and physically exhausted daily. I am married to a talented woman with GAD. She is a bit of a narcissist, a vigilant mother, an exemplary professional and successful at so many things. And on the outside she seems near perfect. I know this isnt her opinion of herself. She really struggles with confidence, and her anxiety overshadows her meds sometimes.
We have been married for 14years. We have 2 amazing children; a daughter who is almost 12 and a son who is 9. My daughter has Anxiety already and between her and my wife there is constant arguing. My wife feels a stern approach wth her is what she needs, and I see it push her away from trusting and coming to us with questions and problems of life as a preteen. My son is a young and gifted athlete whom my wife dotes on. All things together we have exceptional kids who deal with much and strive. As a family unit we do well. But my wife and I have never had much in common. I like to say just 2 things...our kids.
I almost left her last fall. I was never more confident in my decision or myself. I had the support of my family and closest friends. And the advice of a lawyer. When I confronted her on the issue...she convinced me to stay. We aren't friends. And i told her that. She said it hurt the most. but the truth is...it is true. its been 8 months. And those words ring in my ear.
She wants me to be over the moon. To commit for life. But I don't feel the permanance. I am worried about her health,and the kids. help
 
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Sara_1978

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Hi.
Sorry you are having a bad time.
I know how difficult it is living with someone who has anxiety as my mum has always suffered with it and has been quite dependant on me throughout the years.
I believe she’s passed it on to me, im trying desperately to get help with my anxiety now and hope I don’t pass it on to my daughters, although I fear I already have a little.
Of course it’s not very nice for the person going through it either....if I had to describe anxiety in one word I would use the word terrifying.
Does your wife currently get any help with her mental health, any medication or therapy?
 
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Pink1234

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Jul 8, 2019
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I just wanted to say I understand.

My wife suffers with Depression, GAD and Dementia. I don’t have any answers for you, but I certainly understand your position.
 
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Zoe1

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thanks for that share
I think being friends is a good thing to aim for
as it doesnt sound like its working as a relationship
but yet you are sharing the parenting with her

and you need support and time out for yourself
and to review whether you want to live together
or maybe get another place near by
so that you can see the kids every day

it sounds like you have amazing children
which is a credit to you

x x x
 
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FynnMcCool

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Jul 13, 2019
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Thankyou for the understanding. I thought this was going to result in some sort of backlash. The toughest part for some with a NORMAL level of anxiety is that 99% of the information is about you helping and supporting them. And their anxiety limits the support they can provide back. And the guidance for the other partner is so minimal when it comes to self-care. And it makes me feel selfish to want that support for myself.
I read a forum that asked if you would in hindsight be with someone with anxiety. And most people said yes. But for me its a resounding no. So something else to add to the guilt-pile.
 
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Zoe1

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I go to a support group for relatives of alcoholics
I have not tried ' Care for the Carers '
but imagine its a similar thing
about how to take care of ourselves around a situation like this ...

maybe you could give them a try
I know that sometimes I need to talk not just writing posts

x x x
 
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Infinitepossibilities

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Jul 14, 2019
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From your own description your marriage doesn't seem to have a long term future so really you have to weigh up what timescale and method of dismantling will be best for the children. If they're happy at school and with their friends etc try not to move them at your daughter's age. If kids know their parents are unhappy they can deal with splitting quite well if it doesn't rip them from the entire fabric of their life and still have meaningful interaction with both parents. But that's not a given. If you can keep it together til they're older it may be better but if you're disagreeing with your wife's handling of your daughter that might be difficult especially as that conflict may get worse as your daughter becomes a teenager. If you can't influence your wife in that while together, you'll have less chance if you leave her unless the children will go with you. Scary thoughts? We are all testament to the power of our upbringings
 

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