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arghhh - help!

honeyquince

honeyquince

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I'm trying to change CPN's at the mo (personality clash is the polite way of putting it) and have just been told that they are going to discuss me with my consultant psychiatrist. Straight away I feel that I'm under surveillance and they are questioning my illness and I get all paranoid and stuff and then I want to cut... so here I am trying to break a long tradition and talk to someone else and try and stop me cutting... but I just feel so c**p... help
 
rollinat

rollinat

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How are you doing? Sorry there has been no-one around to post before now. I have been fighting the same urge today so I understand how hard it is. Don't know yet whether I will be successful - hope you will be. Take care of yourself.

Rollinat :hug:
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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Hi Rollinat - thanks for getting back to me - I didn't make it through the afternoon and now feel stupid and pathetic.. Have just spoken to my OH on the phone who tried to rid me of my paranoid take on the situation but I still feel awful about it.

But hey - what about you - you're doing better than me WELL DONE - hang in there - keep yourself busy with something to distract you. (y)
 
rollinat

rollinat

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Sorry to hear that Honeyquince - but you're certainly not stupid and pathetic, it's not easy is it? Be gentle on yourself, and sounds like your OH is being great. Think I would feel exactly the same as you in the same situation (I had a rubbish week last week because I had lots of appointments and just got really anxious about everything). I find this forum is great for finding others who feel the same as you, just so that you don't have to feel ashamed or pathetic (also a good distraction when that is needed!) - so keep posting!

Take care of yourself.

:hug: Rollinat
 
blackdog

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Hi Honeyquince, I agree with everything Rollinat has said. Take care, and remember one step at a time.:hug:
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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Hi there,

Thanks for all the support - 1 step forward and 1 back at the moment but its great that I came across this forum - one of the big things I miss from hospital is being able to chat to people with similar issues who share a sense of knowing what you're going through so its great that I can get a bit of that here.

Thanks again and hugs all round:hug:
 
I

inzie

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A word from "the other side"

Hi there HQ - talking from the side of the professional here - you are well within your rights to ask for a different cpn. Problems often occur when a professional takes it personally. I'm a social worker to trade and many will take umbridge when a client/ patient asks for another worker - they might claim that because they have undertaken professional training that they are providing you with exactly the same service as another cpn/ social worker etc. Obviously this just isn't the case - these are people professions and the personality clash is something that we all have to be ready for.
You say you feel under scrutiny - in an ideal world the cpn is under scrutiny as well - from you. Take some time yourself and outline what you mean by personality clash- it's best to do this in writing.
After this ask yourself the questions "Am I being reasonable?", "What is the cpn doing for me?", "Is the relationship with the cpn redeemable?" , "Does the poor relationship really effect what they're doing for me?" for example - I had a mortgage adviser who I thought was a pain in the arse - but that didn't matter because he did a good job for me. Ask yourself - "How would I like the cpn to change the way they behave towards me." - "Could I behave differently towards the cpn?"
If, at the end of this you feel that the relationship between you and the cpn is having a negative effect on your ability to work effectively together - put it down in writing. If you feel a little unconfident about what you've written you could fire it off to me - completely confidentialised of course - and I could run an eye over it.
Other things to consider - why aren't you going to be at the meeting between the cpn and the psychiatrist? In my bit of scotland we have the 'care programme approach' - this means that all professionals and the patient/ client meet up on a regular basis to discuss how things are going. This recognises that things need to be tweaked from time to time at the same time involving the person throughout.

I hope this has been of some help.

Cheers

Chris
 
nickh

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Sorry to hear that you are having a really bad time honeyquince. Brilliant advice from inzie (I knew you could be a big help inzie :)). CarePlans are not only in Scotland - my own Trust (Birmingham and Solihull) has them and I guess many more. We also have a Patient Advise and Liaision Service and again I think most Trusts do - you could see if you have one of those in your area. You are taking responsibility for your own care honeyquince and that is tremendous (actually I am quite in awe as it is not something I have ever managed to do really!). Let us know how you are getting on.

Nick.
 
daffy

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Hi honeyquince its good advice that Inzie has given. There are good and bad in all walks of life but try to be honest with yourself as to whether your CPN is is doing the right thing but do you just disagree with whats being said or do you genuinly believe you could have better help from someone else.

I have been very fortunate and for the last 3 years have seen the same SW every 2/3 weeks and she is brilliant. She listens when i need to moan, has sorted out financial problems and arranged hospital appointments for me. She has even taken me on the odd occasion. She talks to my psych on my behalf when i am having MH probs and i dread the day she gets promoted (as no doubt she will)

If you genuinly dont think your compatible, which is possible then request that you change to someone else in your area.

good luck
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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Thanks everyone for your kind words and a special thanks to inzie. I'm sorry to say that it wasn't me that grasped the nettle and suggested a change to my CPN but my OH. I'd been moaning to her about how I felt that each of my meetings with the CPN involved me spilling my heart (including my intention to cut wrists) and her saying 'oh well' and 'well I must be going, look after yourself.' When I told her about the wrists she asked me if I could get to medical help. I said I didn't know and her response was again 'well I must be going, look after yourself.' In my feeling better moments I get angry about this but then tend to turn this on myself and I get angry with myself and start to think in self-destructive ways

Good idea about writing it all down and I may well take you up on the offer inzie to let you have a look (very kind (y)) though it all feels daunting at the mo.

Luckily I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Monday (before he is having the meeting) so will try to talk it through with him them and see what he thinks.

Thanks again everyone - you're brill :clap:
 
nickh

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Oh Gawd! (sorry to be so eloquent). Your other OH is absolutely right (and it was always my other OH who made sure I was re-assigned or whatever when I wasn't getting good care :)). Sorry you have had such a bad experience.

Nick.
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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Latest on the change CPN saga (at least what I've heard second hand - I still haven't had anyone from the CPN team contact me directly since asking for the change) is that I'm either to have a meeting with my original CPN and her team manager - I guess with a view to keeping the original CPN (GROAN - and I know I shouldn't see it this way but it just feels like they're treating me like a schoolchild and this just makes me feel like doing silly things!) or I'm not to have any CPN support but can still ring the team up up if it gets bad. I'm not happy but feel unable to tackle it directly by ringing them up (though I did have a moan to my GP!). I just want to try and see if another CPN will be more helpful - sob! :cry:
 
nickh

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honeyquince this kind of situation can be really difficult to handle yourself - could your OH phone and ask what is going on and explain what you want? This is what I did (or more exactly my OH did :)) in similar situations. Alternatively or addictionally it might be worth contacting the PALS service in your area.

Nick.
 
D

Dollit

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I think Nick is right and if your CPN is meeting you with her manager then you have the right to have someone there also. And if you OH is supporting you on this then who better? Write down what you want to say and if there are any notes taken then ask for a copy of them.
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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Hi Nick & Dollit - thanks for this. I've asked my OH and they're very keen to come along to any meeting.

Relating to your idea to write what I want down - one of my problems I think is that I'm not sure what a CPN role is and what I want. I spoke to my GP and he said that he saw their role as generally supportive in my case (not sure what that means - I must practice my assesrtiveness skills!!). I think I see the role as supporting me (and this includes challenging me when needed:scared:!) with SH and thoughts of sui etc.

One problem has been that when push comes to shove I always find myself self harming irrespective of any plan in place - this has led to my psych saying that I'm not ready for cpn support. Oh - I don't know - I think all I know is that I need help :cry:
 
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