argh relationships feelings vs bpd

V

vixmac22

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2011
Messages
7
#1
I met a guy about a month ago and really hit it off.

Big issue - my brain keeps picking out any problem i can think of making it worse than it is then me telling myself i'm not good enough

When he tried to go further one time i freaked out cause a guy has previously forced himself on me and it now makes me freeze any time someone touches me when i'm sober. Plus by trying to please other people i tended to have sex with them.

Then last night he stayed over and i was fighting i all felt ready got drunk so i could do it and slept with him but when i woke up i felt horrified at myself and like a slut when i know i shouldnt :(:(

I'm starting to get so many of those "why me" days now

any advice on how to deal appropriately with feelings like this welcome! Plus hes lovely and accepts me with my mental health stuff.
 
maxitab

maxitab

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Sep 18, 2010
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10,392
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In Devon
#2
Hi vicmac......my suspicion is that many of these feelings are to do with stuff from the past....these pesky unresolved emotions that have a way of jumping into present time and screwing it up!
Feeling bad about ourselves will attach itself to pretty much anything we do and anything we say - do you not find?
Tell this stuff to get right back in the box and leave you alone to enjoy your life and your fella. You can promise to deal with it all at a later date ( it is surprising how well it works to actually speak to the feelings, I often do it aloud if there is no one around) or in therapy or something.
 
W

Witts

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Mar 22, 2011
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71
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Berkshire
#3
You know Vix,

I could have written this 18 years ago, you really struck a chord with me.

Maxi makes a very valid point, if we 'put them thoughts away' boxed, we can become stronger. When we are in a posotion to cope we can then deal with it all better.

That said, you have to look after yourself now, without preaching, be safe, practise safe sex, only do what you are comfortable with with and say NO if thats how you feel, even last minute - dont worry, if he's worth his sort, he will understand xxx

To give you a positive, I was also like this, whan I met my husband, I continually tried to destroy it, believeing that was better than going through heartache. He used to say to me..... "So let me get this right, you love me, you're the happiest you have ever been since you met me, I love you, I love you're children - so you're going to kick me out!!!!!" :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: Sounds silly now, but 18yrs later we are still together.... ;)

Good luck xxx
 
Girl Interrupted

Girl Interrupted

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Feb 24, 2011
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894
Location
North Yorkshire
#4
Sit back and enjoy the new beginnings, as the others have stated lock past away, contain it and embrace the feelings you're experiencing for this new man in your life. Allow yourself to experience and enjoy the new found happiness xxx

Witts your past was me in my previous relationship 6 years ago, but in the end my O/H did leave for good, sad as I do miss him from time to time, usually when I need help and support with practical issues such as DIY, but the fact that I wasn't attracted to him but only cared for him teaches me that it wasn't right. I have been happily single ever since.
 

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