Argh, Men!

[thebubbles22]

Hi Everyone,

I'm a Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer, self harmer, depressed, and with suicidal tendancies, to be blunt!

I have been with my partner for just over 8 years now, we are both 23, got engaged about 4 years ago, and have lived in our own flat for 2 years.

More often than not, if I try to become "intimate" with him, he pushes me away. He wont even hug or kiss me the majority of the time.

We do love each other with all our hearts, and I have tried talking to him on many occasions and even writing him ranting notes demanding affectionate attention, which works for about a week, then we're back to square one.

He is constantly saying he is tired, or busy watching tv, and he give our two cats more attention than me!

Any suggestions? Am I being pathetic? How can I make him want me again? All this rejection and lack of affection is making me really struggle with coping with living.

Love and Hugs

Bubbles
x x x

 

[ms_P]

Hi Bubbles,
Unfortunately what you wrote sounds all too familiar to me. From my own experiences with my exhusband, that was the beginning of the end. But he did have someone else at the time which I refused to believe, see, acknowledge.
Why stay in a bad relationship?
It takes 2, remember?
I don't see why we have to punish ourselves by staying in these nowhere relationships. Let's discover ourselves and what we want and need?!

 

[thebubbles22]

To be honest, mrs p, i dont see it as a bad relationship. we've been together for so long, and we love each other from the bottom of our hearts. i think it's just because we've been brought up differently.. in my family we were always open and talked about anything and everything, but i think his family were more stifled and didn't really talk about emotions and stuff. i cant imagine living my life without him, but some days are better than others, and he has been with me through absolutely everything; from being bullied at school, the start of my self harm, my beloved grandad dying, my depression, attempted suicide, hospitalisations, and now going through therapy. he's been nothing less than a rock to me. i guess i'm just being picky and naggy.

Love and Hugs

Bubbles
x x x

 

[maudikie]

Frienships and relationships.

Life today is nothing but rush. If you take your time to get to know each other before any commitment you have a much better chance of staying together for a loving and lasting relationship.

 

[thebubbles22]

maudikie, my partner and i have been together for over 8 years.. i hardly think that's a rush!

 

[Cal]

have you spoken to him about how you're feeling, sometimes people don't notice how their actions are affecting others, i doubt it's intentional maybe he even noticed you were at a low and was trying to give you some space to get better or he might have trouble seeing someone he loves unhappy, try sitting down and having a conversation about it, it could turn out to be nothing.

 

[Cal]

sorry, didn't read original post properly where it says you've spoken to him well keep trying and i hope things get better

 

[maudikie]

Maudikie.

Have you told him how you feel about his rejection? Have you talked it over? If you can't get any satisfactory answers I should think about ending the relationship as it doesn't look as though it's
making you happy, and you need and deserve some happiness in life.

 

[jamesdean]

The answer is in the title of this thread "argh, Men! few people in this world understand that men can just be so bloody boring and its all about me me me they are such selfish people in general n need to get off their back sides n get a life n some feelings they might just like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

[dib4uk]

Hi Everyone,

I'm a Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer, self harmer, depressed, and with suicidal tendancies, to be blunt!

I have been with my partner for just over 8 years now, we are both 23, got engaged about 4 years ago, and have lived in our own flat for 2 years.

More often than not, if I try to become "intimate" with him, he pushes me away. He wont even hug or kiss me the majority of the time.

We do love each other with all our hearts, and I have tried talking to him on many occasions and even writing him ranting notes demanding affectionate attention, which works for about a week, then we're back to square one.

He is constantly saying he is tired, or busy watching tv, and he give our two cats more attention than me!

Any suggestions? Am I being pathetic? How can I make him want me again? All this rejection and lack of affection is making me really struggle with coping with living.

Love and Hugs

Bubbles
x x x

Bubbles, well the fact that you've got a partner for 8 years is really really good when you have borderline. Maybe he really is tired etc, have you asked him whats the matter? Are you seeing things clearly? Cause sometimes things seem all jumbled up and crazy u know? No your not being pathetic.

Have a serious heart to heart with him, and see where and how things can improve. Wow I re-read it all again 23 wow thats really young, please dont take it offensively but only you can know for sure, is it like love between two friends or more than that?