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Are you "love shy"?

Medsickme90

Medsickme90

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Apr 8, 2020
Messages
233
Location
Virginia
I recall seeing this term before, think it was associated with some infamous incel site or movement? Besides all that I'm sure it is a real condition. Maybe not that common, maybe it is a term used mostly for men? It just occurred to me today it could describe a lot of what I've experienced in the past. I've only had a couple of girlfriends in the past, neither were long term. On both those occasions I moved away for work. They were good, there was intimacy, I didn't have a problem with that. The women were sad to see me go, but I needed to find work elsewhere.

It has been a long time. I never got with anybody back in uni, not till I was over 30 actually. I've had plenty of chances, think I just let fears rule the day too often. Now I'm over 50, have a few regrets. Wondering if I'll ever have any sort of relationship again. I'm not unattractive, a bit quiet and reserved.

Well, I've been obsessing over past encounters from like eight years ago all the way back to 30 years ago, and that's no good. It's tiresome. But I have no social life these days, just stay in my room most of the time, get walks, no job. I'm not feeling desperate or anything. Just feel like this term "love shy" could help explain some issues I had in the past.
I am the same! I fuck people i couldn't care less for, no emotional connection and stay with them even tho i didn't fall head over heels at first 2nd 3rd 250th sight, these are usually due to poor nutrition causing overwhelming mental health symptoms that even meds cannot treat... basically... if u dont intake enough iron u r too tired to love! If u dont intake enough magnesium u cannot make ur own serotonin (part of the ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤) hormones! Etc... symptoms can be lessened with proper self inspection baybaaay! Always laugh when u can!!! Never believe u arent special! I think u are! U may consider me love shy but im flesh and blood! I approach finding ❤ the same... if i meet someone and i dont feel crazy connection/attraction i will still give them a chance because i believe we r all as deep as an ocean and we all have bad days and we all deserve to be seen and loved on good days! If u choose to be this way... its very obviously internal! If u sit down and think about it for a while... do u hate everyone? Probably not! But do u have complex thought and emotions!!? Of course u do!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not a bad thing! U r as deep as an ocean! If those who are shallow cannot wade in those depths... they cannot swim and u r not attracted... very simple and its called "emotional intelligence" some are not you my friend are, MOST CERTAINLY!!! IF NOONE LIKES IT THEY CAN SWIM IN THE KIDDIE POOL!
 
Beorn the Bear

Beorn the Bear

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Joined
Dec 15, 2020
Messages
266
Location
Murkwood
I'm definitely not love shy. These days I'm a lot more picky though. In that I mean I'm looking for someone with whom we are pretty compatible. I'm quite passionate and love intensely, I express it. I've given that love to people who haven't deserved it in the past.

So now I'll wait until I find the right one. I'd rather be single and lonely than in a toxic relationship and lonely any day.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Jul 31, 2020
Messages
2,871
Location
Canada
poor nutrition causing overwhelming mental health symptoms that even meds cannot treat.
Well, I stopped the meds and fixed my diet. Guess that changed the hormones. Insulin down and testosterone up. Didn't do much for the obsessional thinking though.

I dunno if 'love shy' is a good descriptor. Guess social anxiety is the issue.
 
ht46

ht46

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Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
1,684
Location
Kokomo
I recall seeing this term before, think it was associated with some infamous incel site or movement? Besides all that I'm sure it is a real condition. Maybe not that common, maybe it is a term used mostly for men? It just occurred to me today it could describe a lot of what I've experienced in the past. I've only had a couple of girlfriends in the past, neither were long term. On both those occasions I moved away for work. They were good, there was intimacy, I didn't have a problem with that. The women were sad to see me go, but I needed to find work elsewhere.

It has been a long time. I never got with anybody back in uni, not till I was over 30 actually. I've had plenty of chances, think I just let fears rule the day too often. Now I'm over 50, have a few regrets. Wondering if I'll ever have any sort of relationship again. I'm not unattractive, a bit quiet and reserved.

Well, I've been obsessing over past encounters from like eight years ago all the way back to 30 years ago, and that's no good. It's tiresome. But I have no social life these days, just stay in my room most of the time, get walks, no job. I'm not feeling desperate or anything. Just feel like this term "love shy" could help explain some issues I had in the past.
I was the same single no social life, no job there's women in the same situation just go online. You're actually in a good position to meet some Im just saying there's men and women in similar situations sure if your goal is a beverly hills trophy wife you might need a social life and job, but dating sites attract a lot of people like yourself who are pretty recluse but know their way around a computer. Good Luck :)
 
MarieRose

MarieRose

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Jul 27, 2020
Messages
106
Location
England
@Mario82....If I am not physically attracted to someone should I sleep with them anyway so as not to affect your self esteem?
 
Valka

Valka

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Feb 12, 2019
Messages
411
Location
England (NW)
Being a romantic and after a really crappy relationship.
I'm now in the category of 'the juice isn't worth the squeeze'.
 
PetitPois

PetitPois

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Dec 8, 2020
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1,058
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Somewhere
@Mario82....If I am not physically attracted to someone should I sleep with them anyway so as not to affect your self esteem?
That isn't what Mario said TBF. I understand your feelings, but the description you gave of the guys you weren't attracted to was very derogatory and harsh. People with low self esteem/self worth are naturally going to be affected by those kind of comments.
 
Ozymandias

Ozymandias

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Aug 12, 2019
Messages
355
Location
West London
That isn't what Mario said TBF. I understand your feelings, but the description you gave of the guys you weren't attracted to was very derogatory and harsh. People with low self esteem/self worth are naturally going to be affected by those kind of comments.
Those comments certainly affected me - ever since reading them I've been wondering how many women I've wanted to date have despised me for my interest, for daring to hope that perhaps they might be willing to stoop so low as myself.

It's one thing to not be interested in someone, but to be so... bilious... about their attraction seems really cruel. Is everyone supposed to just automatically 'know their place' or whatever?

At the same time though, I have to say that I can't help but admire MarieRose's candour... here and there throughout my life I've seen numerous examples of females being so openly repugnant about lesser men being attracted to them, so I'm inclined to think that plenty of women think the same way. At least her attitude is honest, and she's not trying to be anything she's not... better that than the sort of bullshit you often receive as a bloke regarding why someone isn't interested in you.
 
IncognitoMode

IncognitoMode

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Jan 3, 2021
Messages
10
Location
United Kingdom
I have social anxiety and a few other psychiatric disorders but I don't think it's the main reason why I have always been single. I think it's more about me being ugly because I haven't had any opportunities with women to begin with. Usually, people will have stories of women being interested in them but ruining their moments but I never had those.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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I've been wondering how many women I've wanted to date have despised me for my interest, for daring to hope that perhaps they might be willing to stoop so low as myself.
That's harsh. I've feared and felt rejection in the past and perhaps even set myself up for it, unwittingly, ya know, as a roundabout way to protect myself? Almost like rejecting someone I was interested in before she rejected me, or something. Confusing stuff, this psychology. But I don't think there was any despising going on other than maybe a little self-loathing.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Canada
Usually, people will have stories of women being interested in them but ruining their moments
Ah yeah, I'm familiar with those stories, feel like I dropped the ball on numerous occasions when I had some interest from women I was attracted to, but for one reason or another nothing really happened with what was a mutual interest at least for a little while. Those are the things I ruminate on as well even when they are ancient history.
 

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