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Are people with depression more aware of our mortality?

S

SadRainbow

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Obviously when you have depression you're more likely to think about death, especially suicide (note: I am not suicidal), but I've realised that I've been thinking about my mortality a lot more than I used to. I think most people tend to ignore or distract themselves from death much of their lives, unless something happens which means they really cannot help think about it (serious illness, loss of a loved one, a scary accident etc). And it's generally seen as something of a taboo, or inappropriate to talk about much in Western societies.

Maybe I'm having a midlife crisis (turned 40 last year), or maybe it's because a lovely friend of mine died four years ago and I still can't really get my head around it (she was brutally murdered)... But I am painfully aware that I will die one day. My depression often makes me wish I would do just that but when I think about it I don't want to die - I want my suffering to stop. I often think about how absolutely nothing lasts forever. Even the universe itself will die one day. I feel painfully sad when I think about pretty much anything to do with the past because it's all gone, forever. Again and again I think how I need to find a way to enjoy the present, because that really is all we have. Depression is so cruel for not letting us at least have the here and now.
 
S

SadRainbow

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Maybe it's just me then...
 
1

1955er

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I try to live in the now...but it could end at any time.
 
Keesha

Keesha

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Ditto. I live to the fullest as much as possible. I’ve spend far too much of my life worrying and it never got me anywhere. It only made me miserable.
 
Keesha

Keesha

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However while in a deep depression the mind wanders to morbid places at times.
When I start getting too serious about topics that depress me more I try to keep my hands busy. I found that if I had something to concentrate on then I could dilute my overly serious morbid thoughts.
 
T

turnitoffandonagain_again

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I've become massively more aware of the finite nature of life in recent years. And that seems very entangled with being depressed. Much of it is to do with having people close to me die - including two friends actually younger than I am (one due to a congenital condition unnervingly similar to the one I was then diagnosed with just a year later).

Some of it due to developing more-and-more health problems myself. (Even the objectively rather trivial issue of losing a couple of teeth makes me aware of how irreversible the march towards the end is).

The pandemic, and the daily toll of news about death (feeling like it's coming ever closer to one's remaining family) really doesn't help at all in that respect.

Almost makes me wish I had a religious belief. The older I get the more comprehensively meaningless everything feels. Even the distraction of studying and learning about the world starts to seem pointless - why bother when I'm only here temporarily?

Very sorry about your friend - that sounds a particularly bleak thing to happen.
 
U

Usedup

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It's not just you. I think about it all the time. I am sorry to hear about your friend and think that may have been a trauma for you. I hope your suffering stops. I hope mine stops and that is my hope for everyone with a MI. I don't think mine will end. I have even been thinking that it's some kind bad karma for being such an awful child.
 
M

ManDss

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I dont think so. Ive been dealing with depression since years, Im pretty aware of death now, but I wasnt so much as before. Also I see many people without depression that seem very aware to death and are really focused in now how to live the present. I think for this, have or dont have depression is indistictive. And also I think depression could numb the mind, the mind is replate of problems, that impide to see beyond them, so death could be relagated to a second plane.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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After reading a lot of posts talking about wanting to die in your sleep, I think about this now when I go to sleep. I didn't have this thought before I read these posts.
 
LaFong

LaFong

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I think about death all the time. After my first wife died, I went on a spiritual quest hoping to figure out the point of it all. Still working on that.
 
mirrormaker

mirrormaker

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i used to think about death but it did not worry me much. but the moments my depression hits hard, it really disturbs me how strange is that one day my conscience is gone.
having conscience is not good when depression exists though.
and i'm specially sad knowing that my lovely parents are going to die some day. i am making efforts to accept that but i can't and i'm worried that i will not be able to accept it when the time comes. suffering depression alone is going to be hell and i really don't want to deal with that but it's unavoidable
 
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