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Are BPD relationships rushed? Was mine?

L

Lostpossum

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She had quiet BPD. We didnt break up once until discard. She idealized me for 2-3 years, then devalued for 2-3 years then discard took 2 weeks. She would internalize a bunch and not self harm but she was a people pleaser. She also had to have her way with many things and so when she wouldnt she would hold that against others. Like when she left me she brought up things that I thought we resolved but to her it was like she remembered each salt grain in the injury (not saying there was alot nor that I ever purposely hurt her). More so just mistakes that ended up hurting her because of her sensitivity.

She has 0 friends because she finds it hard to trust.

The first 2-3 years were idealization it seemed. Had met her in college class, she was calling me babe and such 2 weeks into texting. First date we went to a movie, dinner, and an overlook. She had me grab her boobs over the shirt while we watched a movie in the movie theatre recliners. Then at the overlook she straddled me and we made out for like an hour. Hickies etc. She wanted to get naked and likely have sex or such but I stopped her just because I really dont want to do that so quickly with someone I was/am interested in dating more so then just a hook up. When I told her we can wait she seemed down and so I explained. Then driving home, she asked if we wanted to be official since we had been talking for about 3 weeks and that this was the first date.

Rushed very much so.

Our second date she introduced me to her 2 siblings that are close to her in age when we went on a triple couples date.

I met her parents like within a month.

2 months in she tells me about her traumatic relationship past (2 boyfriends during first year of college, one 4 months and he was lying to her the entire time about himself, and second one sexually assaulted her when she and he were drunk).

Each time we see each other she is doing more and more sexual stuff.

When we finally have sex, she didnt want to use a condom because she didnt like the "barriers between us". I was not okay with that, we used one.

Then we discussed her getting on birth control to not use condoms and we both agreed (this would bite me in the ass despite her agreeing - later she told me she was sacrificing for us being on birth control and that it hurts her that she needed to be on it. Almost like she felt I didnt want kids with her.)

She said I love you around at 3 months.

8 months-1 year she was talking about having a family with me and getting engaged secretly so her parents didnt find out. She mentioned getting pregnant and moving away for 9 months so her family wouldn't know (their religious).This didn't happen because ... college and I set a clear boundary thats not what I wanted to do right then. But also after time went on this fizzled out despite me telling her I wanted this when we graduated so I could support and afford things.

We texted every single day good morning and goodnight despite whatever was happening. If I missed a text, she would get mad or sad like I didnt care.

She almost always wanted to spend time with her family and not mine, her reasoning was because she felt comfortable around them and their loyal to her so she feels safe.

During the phase of devaluation, it began when she expected to get engaged on our 4 year anniversary. We drove home after a weekend vacation, she cried 3 of the 4 hours and was mad and sad with me because she created this expectation of it happening and when it didnt she felt I didnt love her or that I didnt want to take the next steps. I shared with her my plans to get engaged a few months following graduation - she still was sad. So after this, anything I did to remotely hurt her without intent and to even the smallest degree she held like an umpire calling 3 strikes. Things I figured we talked through and moved past she never moved past because she brought them up during the 2 week breakup discard phase.

Her quiet BPD would come out in her pouting like a child and blaming others for the pain she felt. For example at the beginning of covid she wanted to take a trip with me and her sister. We both said to her that we felt uncomfortable because of covid and didn't want to go. She got really hurt and said "I am simply trying to figure out plans for us to get out of the house and enjoy ourselves, but you two just shut my idea down my idea so it doesnt even matter."

Does this seem normal for those with BPD?
Or is this just how a normal long term relationship progresses?
own so it doesnt even matter."
 
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