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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Are any of these recognisable?

M

Matthew1338

New member
Joined
Aug 16, 2009
Messages
4
Hello,
I am a 27 year old male and believe I have a mild mental health problem(s). My main reason for thinking this is that it is reflected in my social life: my social circle (of what I would call long term friends) is very small and I have difficulties forming sexual relationships. I think it is down to some mild mental problem(s), combined with a certain amount of bad luck in my social life/ life circumstances. I have basically lost all the friends I knew as an undergraduate at university, and for various reasons, I’m not in regular contact with the people I connected with most whilst a masters and doctoral student (at the same university). At the time, I thought the group I knew as an undergraduate and as a masters student I would be in contact with for many years to come (and that they would make up for my not having many school friends). However, I offended one particular guy in the group, because I finally told his girlfriend my feelings for her (and she sort of confessed hers for me), and quite a few other people whom I thought were close appear to have gone cold on me for reasons I’m less aware of. The couple I mention are now married, and I have not seen them or anyone they knew since the evening of my utterance (I haven’t been invited when there is a wedding/ trip back up north etc, and Facebook trustily reminds me of their lives without me). This is an example of what I would consider the ‘bad luck’ in my social life, but nagging away is this sense, which I’ve had for many years, that I’m not ‘all there’, that I don’t have all the mental equipment.

I think the following observations about my social life would be useful, and I would be glad to know if anyone recognises them in their own lives:

--I blank out, especially in group conversations, meditating on things I (on the whole) have contributed and loose the thread. I also have a tendency to loose concentration in conversations in other ways, such as thinking about something totally irrelevant--often prompted by something peripheral to the conversation, or by something that has an obtuse relationship to the topic at hand--or by actually falling into what seems like a mindless reverie. It is a behaviour I know affects my mother. I see her with a ‘blank’ look on her face when I talk to her sometimes, which must also come over me--I think I have also seen it in photos of myself.
--I am very concious of/ awkward around people I feel to be my intellectual superior. I have met several scholars (at academic conferences etc) whose written work I admire greatly, but it is almost as if I deliberately make myself into a waffling idiot in their presence.
--I am often very uncomfortable talking about myself in an intimate way. It is as if I have something terrible to hide, although I am at a loss to say what it is.
--When anxious in social situations, I taper off at the end of sentences to make them incomprehensible. I almost feel my mouth seizing up when this happens.
--At the beginning of this year I joined a dating website. My dates were incrementally less successful and I gave up on it about a month ago. At my final few dates I was really having problems, having nothing to say, and being extraordinarily dull.
--I almost put the notion of being in a relationship into an elevated category of existence where for supposedly ‘normal’ people it is just another natural human activity. I have a habit of being attracted to women already in (seemingly) stable relationships, or women I think would not be interested in me beyond friendship. I enjoy what I perceive to be a flirtatious relationship, which never goes beyond repartee, and fantasise that one day it will be taken further when it invariably doesn’t.

These hardly sum up my feelings--I have meditated on what I perceive to be the 'diseased' nature of my mind many a time before--but here is what I can come up with for the present.
 
dib4uk

dib4uk

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Jul 23, 2009
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Location
south london,england
Matthew1338 I totally get what your saying. Me personally my friends are very small in numbers- i dont really know how to get along with people, well i do, but I dont let them in. Yeah I share your anxiety over "bad luck" I've just put it down to it being me-like you said the luck of invites to peoples celebrations, or even dinner round freinds houses. When I do get invited I spend half the time wondering was I invited because of being a spare part- and had they felt sorry for me?

Even as a child I had very few friends, I guess maybe I'm an only child soo I can deal with being on my own, but need some forrm of contact with the world on different levels. As I dont work anymore, I've lost that sort of connection, and my college course finished a couple of months ago and since then I've been going out less and less like trips to the shop etc.

I think we share that same sort of luckless relationship- men that are attracted to me normally are taken/married/in a stable relationship I am normally attracted to. I too have tried various of daiting sites for larger women and thats has failled, so I dont even bother anymore.

So yeah sounds very common to me as well.
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
Welcome to the site. There are certainly things that I can identify to a degree with in there.

What have you tried in relation to what you see as these difficulties? Have you spoken with anyone about them?

Some of us appear to be different; severe MH difficulties or not.
 
M

Matthew1338

New member
Joined
Aug 16, 2009
Messages
4
Hi,
Thankyou for your responses. I have been away on holiday.

I don't really know whether I might describe myself as having a 'proper' mental health problem or whether I should be satisfied with the idea of simply being a bit 'different'. What I describe may seem a little wet, but I am saddened by it. Perhaps it could be turned on its head: I'm simply feeble in the face of life's challenges. However, my life's experiences seem to chime with symptoms of people with mental health problems, especially social problems. I would like to know more about mental illness. I have also been attracted to people who say they have problems thinking that I am a kindred spirit.


Matthew Ch. 13, vv. 3-8:
Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

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W2
I'll post something more serious in a minute, but the biblical quote about sowing seed conjured a really distinct and somewhat unpleasant image in my head. In fact I'm finding it quite hard to shake :unsure:
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

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Right more seriously. I wouldn't want you to go and see a doctor about this. They work on the premise that if you are 'sick' enough to present, you're sick enough to be treated. What you are describing are interpersonal problems I identify with, but for some very peculiar reason I've always been quite lucky with women. Nevertheless despite superficial social skills, I find interpersonal relationships very hard!!! My STRONG advice would be stay away from psychiatry. If you feel you have some problems, don't allow them to become symptoms. I was advised to 'go see a shrink' 20 years ago, and what astoundingly bad advice that was!!!!

I'd suggest you find a therapist, preferably not a psychoanalyst unless you like the idea of a human version of Churchill the nodding insurance dog. I'd go for 3rd Force (Humanist) or 4th force (Transpersonal), but that's just my advice. Stay away from trickcyclists!!!!
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
All that I wanted to say mattew is you havesome good replys,good friends even towards the end of your life you shouldnt really be able to count anymore than you have fingers, there will be loads of friends that you have met a long the way and this groupwill be different has you go through life.
Love moves in mysterious ways when you least expect it will happen, I've personally been strangled by relationships in my life certainly pre breakdown none of them did my mh any good and I was always pre occupied by the fact that I thought that I should be in one of them things.They are not all that they are cracked up to be when I had my breakdown I took two years outto think about me then I went into a ver damaging break up of a small relationship and ended up being called even more mad in the street because this little vile queen told everyone my business (o which I have heard him apoligise not directly tome but via someone else Iknew @the time) So be careful whoyou letinto yourlife it was to soon even two years, though it did me a huge favour because I got the fuckoutof that city.

And thoughI still went on to have another three n half year relationship before meeting my soulmate of 15 years which is different to just a loving relationship,though our paths have crossed earlier in our lifes because we have been in the same places n not known it.

My bf is going through possiably a mild breakdown n the only good bit of advice that I have given him is please dont end up in the cmht services though its all being dealt with a much calm realistic level @ his doctors surgery because they w ould of had him beleive alsort @ the cmht team n then blamed him which seems to be the pattern amungst us on this forum,honestly has if anyonewould engineer poo rmh.
I hope that I have kept it simple we all need alittle help some times but for your sanity try not to endup in mh services.

I do remeber trying to explain my breakdownin 1990 to someone else n it was to difficult but to me @ the time it was ha s if like it was written all over my face so I couldnt disgiuse it then I can now in the strreet which has come form years iof practice, I would never deny it if I thought that some one was genuinely interseted but you meet some right dick heads in this world,so be careful to protect yourself from someof the wrong people be sure you are with the right people
 
M

Matthew1338

New member
Joined
Aug 16, 2009
Messages
4
Thanks again for the responses.

I might also add that women tend to leave me, and I can't help think that it is because they've come accross the 'real' me (after about 2 or 3 weeks). Like in the parable (sorry that it conjoured an unpleasant assocation!), some plants 'spring up quickly' because of shallow soil, but wither away quickly because they have no root.

You're right that convincing yourself that you have a problem seems to be part of the problem.

Consulting a therapist might help. They'd be someone with an objective eye at least. I've also tried meditation. I'm not actually very religious--I can only accept religious dogmas purely as symbolic--although I'm interested in Christianity.
 
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