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Appropriateness

T

TheRedStar

Guest
First of all, I'm sorry that I come and go every so often, making a few posts and threads and then disappearing for ages. Also, I'm sorry that I very rarely try and help anyone else... it's just that I feel so useless that I rarely know what to advise, and even when I can think of something I think it's probably wrong. Maybe I should say my piece, and everyone can work on the premise that, to get things right, just take on board what I think and do the exact opposite?

I started university a few months ago, and the first semester is nearly over. I think I'm going to miss the place and the people between the end of next week and February, when semester 2 starts... I've really tried my best to fit in, and I was worried I'd struggle because of my age (I'll be 32 next month), but even though I do feel a little 'outside' of things I think it's more to do with the fact that I don't live on campus rather than because I'm a good decade older than most of the students.

I'm in a couple of societies, an organised social group within one of my courses, and have even been invited to a couple of 21st birthday parties and two Christmas parties. I figure not bad for a relatively old fart! Also, most people think I'm in my early-mid 20's, and are stunned when I tell them my real age... is that really such a compliment though? Maybe I do look young for my age, but I'd rather look my age and handsome rather than younger but ugly! And in terms of general dress and demeanour... I guess it means I'm plainly and simply immature?

But... there's always a but with me, and it refers to the title of this thread. What I've tried to do with the other students is just take people for people, and forget that I'm this age and they're that age. As it goes I feel I have more in common with a lot of the 18-21 year olds I'm around than I do a lot of people my own age. However, in forgetting age I've let down a barrier, and letting that barrier down has allowed some attraction to develop for one or two girls that - let's face it - I'm way too old for.

I've already backed away from one girl - who's 19 - although that was far more to do with cowardice and negativity (I've got no chance; I'm too ugly for her; she prefers this close male friend of hers; etc etc.) than me feeling that making a move would be inappropriate.

One girl I know - not one of the ones I'd like to get to know better given the chance - got asked out by a 27 year old and seemed to think it was quite gross and creepy. Am I gross and creepy for liking women younger than me? It just feels like necessity at the moment as much as anything else - I have little social life outside of uni, certainly not one which allows me to meet anyone new, and so don't get to meet women of my own age, and even if I did I have little in common with them... I don't have, and neither am I looking for, a career, a mortgage, or a family. I genuinely feel a good ten years younger than I am, and act it, and so a 31 year old woman wouldn't want me.

And... I don't have much experience in relationships, and still haven't done a 'certain thing', and so I guess sexually I'm still very young. Frankly, the kind of experience that women my own age seem to have intimidates me, and I don't mind admitting that. I don't want to feel like I'm going to be compared to God-knows how many ghosts of the past.

Not that I have to worry about that anyway... uni is changing me - I am now more extravert, and I am now more confident... except when liking someone becomes *liking* someone. I got on great with the girl I backed away from, and then as soon as I realised I was feeling something more I got all awkward for the rest of the evening and haven't spoken to her since. I've actually been actively avoiding her... she wrote me a really nice message on Facebook about hoping that I was feeling better and being welcome to borrow her notes from a lecture I missed (I was ill a week ago, and took an afternoon off as a result), and I never replied. I feel like a real a-hole, but I also feel as though I need to protect myself you know?

Different place, different faces, same old sh*t :( I've started my studies really well - I'm generally getting 70%+ for psychology in-class tests and worksheets (and a few 100%s), got 70% exactly for my first lab report (a first-class grade - the best I can do), and both times I've read out work for creative writing my tutor - who can be very critical - has said that there's nothing she can say to criticise. Other students don't want to read work out after me because they feel they'll look bad (seriously!), and when I've told people I'm dropping the course (I want to concentrate on psychology), I've had a few at first tell me that they're surprised and that it's a waste of talent, but then say it doesn't matter because I'm already good enough to not need any teaching.

But I don't care, I honestly don't. The only thing I want to be good at is getting women to *like* me and to be a good boyfriend to someone. I'd give up all of my supposed intelligence and 'talent' to be a bit taller, a bit better looking, a lot more desirable overall. I wrote the above not to show off, but to illustrate how frustrated and disillusioned I am - where has any of that supposed intelligence and talent got me? Where is it getting me right now? And where will it get me? The answer to the last question is nowhere... none of it means anything when I've got no-one to share it with. I'm disinclined to want to go anywhere with it without anyone to take with me. What more can I be, you know? I'm smart, I'm creative, I'm sensitive... and it's not enough. It never has been. It never will be. I need to be 6ft+, need to be dark and handsome to go with the tall, and I'm not and never will be.

What's the point in even carrying on...? I'm sorry... it's just that it never gets any better, you know? 'Be patient' people tell me... I have been. Nearly five years single. Nearly fourteen years since I've experienced the basic 'I like her, she likes me' scenario. A damn lifetime without sex. This is not patience - it's fu*king endurance. And it's making me a worse person all the time... angry, bitter, confused, and frustrated :(
 
shaun3210

shaun3210

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 18, 2009
Messages
1,805
Location
Up North
I would not worry about the age gap to much some women like older men;)

I guess the best advice I can give is take it very slow and become friends with every female you can, having a rep as a nice guy will do you no harm at all;) and take it from there! ...you never know one might ask you out! or make it pretty oblivious that she wants you to ask her!

That is where having female friends can become invaluable as they are better at noticing these things than males! lol :D
 
M

maudikie

Guest
Maudikie.

I am sorry you haven't much confidence in yourself. Age doesn't matter, I married someone 19 years older than myself, and it was perfect. But the first thing you should do is make firends. Sex is not the be all and end all of any relationship. I should join some club of a subect in which you have interest.
It could be one of the arts, or it could be sport. That would be your choice. Then you will find peoople with interests in common You will meet all sorts of people there, and probably all ages and both sexes. So make some friends first, and let things develop in their own time.
 
ghost

ghost

Member
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
16
Location
Sheffield
If a girl's old enough to be in Uni then she's old enough to ask out! 32 isn't old and lots of women like older men.
 
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