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Appearance related anxiety

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MaudMontgomery

Guest
Hi
First post here, and its likely to be a long one.
For as long as I've known I've felt ugly. I've been made fun of by a lot of guys and even girls.
Around 3 years ago, I lost a drastic amount of weight, and my appearance slightly improved as my acne cleared up. I always said to myself, once I lose a lot of weight I'll be the happiest person ever. I'm not.
If anything, I now suffer with extreme anxiety that wasn't even there when I was a lot fatter and uglier. I actually used to be more confident back then.
Now, I get extreme anxiety when I'm going outside, especially if I'm wearing something that's a bit fancy, because I feel people will laugh when they see such an ugly girl in pretty clothes. I feel I am not worth putting pretty clothes on. I thought the whole point of losing weight for me was to wear pretty clothes. By extreme anxiety I mean like my pulse heightens, I feel nauseous, etc. And I try at all costs to avoid parties/hang outs with friends. I want so bad to go but I'm too scared so I make excuses. Any social situation scares me.
I'm good at public speaking/presentations, but normally before such events I spend days worrying about what people will think about how I look. I'll cry, and again I'll try to come up with an excuse, I've even contemplated things such as breaking a leg. Most of the times though I go through with these events, and afterwards, I'll actually feel good.
It's just that this anxiety takes over so much of my life, I wish I could do something to get rid of it, but most of it stems from my appearance. Sometimes I actually think I look nice but I know that I am not, people know that I am not. Honestly it will be so liberating to get rid of this anxiety and over the top self consciousness. To be honest I don't think looks are the most important at all, I am not superficial, it's just that I'm afraid of being bullied again because of how I look.
 
MagicJay

MagicJay

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 23, 2011
Messages
298
Location
Konoha
I'm sorry to hear your feeling like this, a question you can ask yourself is not everyone you see, you think there wearing pretty clothes but too them they will be. Everyone has different opinions and taste so there will people who will like what your wearing but there will be others who won't because it's not there kind of thing, the only thing that counts is do you like it. That is the only opinion that ever matters.
 
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T

Topcat

Guest
I have also had this problem a lot through my life. Taking forever to get dressed, getting stressed and upset because I "look hideous" in everything. Absolutely having to wear makeup, get my hair "right". Hate people looking at me, can't be close up with anyone without " knowing" they think I'm ugly too etc etc.
Its hard right now for me to advise though, as it hasn't been as bad of late. Still there to a smaller degree. It used to come and go a little anyway, but I think in general my anxiety has been less lately. I've even weaned myself off makeup a bit, which is quite a step for me!
I also always did what I was doing regardless of the anxiety/fear and generally felt better for doing it, and I think that's important, so well done for pushing yourself.
I don't know why I feel not so bad about my appearance lately, maybe it just the natural ebb and flow of things. Or maybe it gets better as you get older? I'm nearly 35, maybe age helps?
Maybe I'll go nuts about it all again soon and join you in looking for advice! Who knows.
If feeling very bad, there were certain things I avoided that made it all worse. Shop changing rooms being a big one. Anything triggering, I suppose if looking though fashion mags and seeing the "pretty" girls is upsetting, then avoid things like that too for a while.

I hope someone comes along with some advice, just wanted to let you know you weren't alone :hug:

Xxx
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I think few people are truly happy with their appearance. I know I am not. I never wear 'pretty' clothes I dont know how. I am tees, hoodies, jeans (boyfriend or flared, could never pull off skinny with my thunder thighs) or combats.
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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Joined
May 30, 2012
Messages
7,826
Location
small town Ontario, Canada
nope I can't help, have appearance issues myself, especially in public at changerooms, never go near a populated beach or community pool. Never got over being the pale super scrawny freckly bullied white chick that turns blue when cold, or in the water and lips turning purple, especially with red hair. I'm not even bad looking, just see my own imperfections too much. That's a hard image to change so just sending my compassion for the situation to anyone else who goes through this as well.
 
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MaudMontgomery

Guest
I know what you mean. To be honest I am most comfortable in the clothes you mentioned, like jeans hoodies, etc, and I always thought I looked good in them. After going through bullying for my appearance though, I'm always dressing up as per what I think other people will think I look good in, and I am ashamed of this. The reason I actually wanted to lose weight was because of those around me, I never truly did it for myself. I admire you for staying true to yourself.
 
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