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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Anyone with Social anxiety and Avoidant personality disorder?

jamesj

jamesj

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Hi! I am 35 year old and I suffer for 10 years social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder. I have experimented some periods of time when I thought I was healed, but all of the sudden something happened that put me again inside my mental disorder. I almost always think that the others are criticizing me even if there are no reasons, so I feel observed by the others when I am outside of my house. Then I learned to avoid the situations that could have affected me, but this behavior has taken away too many opportunities to to something in order to live by my self and feel good with me. Besides, in the meantime I learned to dream about some magic healing, so I avoided to worried about myself in the real life. Now I feel that my life already passed by and there is no possible to return to my youth. I would like to do something, but I always have the obstacle of my thoughts in my loneliness. Perhaps in this forum I will be able to talk with other people with these kind of problems.
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

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I almost always think that the others are criticizing me even if there are no reasons
its called psychological-projection. your ego is projecting its own negative self judgment through other people in order to hide itself from you.

i was walking from one end of the train to the other. there was this young guy sitting at the end i was walking towards. when i got to the end he jumped up and yelled at me. he said i was staring at him. i was kinda shocked by his outburst, i just said "no" in a soft harmless tone and he backed off kinda realizing his mistake. i think he thought i was approaching him to fight or something lol.

point is he was in his own little world. i was not even thinking about him at all.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Hi, welcome to the forum. I don't know much about avoidant personality disorder, but social anxiety has been with me for decades. It has caused problems for sure like not enough meaningful relationships. I used to drink a lot to be social. Sometimes I lost jobs, or didn't pursue someone I liked because of it. It's a frustrating problem. There are many people with these issues. We might feel like we suffer alone with them but they're actually pretty common. It's safe to talk about them here.
 
jamesj

jamesj

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Thank you, jajingna. I really appreciate your words. It is comfortable to know a place to speak about those things. The avoidant personality disorder is a behavior pattern learned unconsciously across the time as a sort of answer to an extreme social anxiety. Since we don’t want to suffer the symptoms of the social anxiety, we gradually learn to avoid the social situations by looking for weird excuses, although we have to remain alone for days of for weeks. This gradually stirs up a behavior pattern that finally becomes personality disorder.

I also used to drink in order to tackle without anxiety some kind of social situations, but since the time that I started suffering these disorders I could not have any relationships despite I would have liked. I feel that I have nothing to offer to the others not only because I am so shy to do something interesting or relevant, but especially because I will not be able to offer a home nor ensure a basic economy to live. I think nobody would try a relationship with someone like me. I have to get habituated to be alone.
 
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ManDss

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Hi. I dont have Soc Anx, but I understand it pretty much. Ive had social strugles too, and porblems to relate with people, etc.

I know its hard to beat. Sadly its not something you can cure so easy. Social pressures exist, we feel them, etc.

The only way to do is to cope. Try to feel better. And accept all this struggles.

I mean, there is no easy way to feel ok about yourself when you just dont.

Maybe could be good you give some examples.

Yesterday I went to the store, and I felt some people was talking about me, laughing too, can I do something ? No. Also wasnt sure, you know that feeling, its paranoia. Mmm... maybe its because even if people can bad about me, Im pretty comfortable with myself, I know my struggles and fights.

About Soc Anx, I think one thing is to feel bad with yourself, and feel bad in front other people, and other thing is to dont be able to do things. What kind of things you cant do or what oportunities are you letting go ?
 
AlwaysinCrown

AlwaysinCrown

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I also have social anxiety. I'm afraid of going out because I've an impression someone can hurt or kill me.
I'm afraid of saving me from uncontrolled things. I can immediately start laughing, sing or cursing.
 
Hillman hunter

Hillman hunter

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Hello Jamesj.

I have severe social phobia and a fear of people , it came on at aged fourteen ,
its affected my life in many ways .
Its a struggle for sure for us with this condition , people without it cannot understand , they can be very sympathetic but can never truly understand how we suffer .

Good to have you on the forum ,

Best wishes

Hillman H
 
jamesj

jamesj

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I will try to answer you by using the "quotes" option, but I am not able to quote with the post url yet. I have to learn to use the forum options.

OmniscientNihilist said:
point is he was in his own little world. i was not even thinking about him at all.
You did a really good example. In fact, we are not so big nor important to be always in mind of the others. So trying to be rational is the main key to cope my condition, but most of the time I cannot help thinking according with my disorder: my thoughts flow according with my projection instead of be coldly rational.

ManDss said:
What kind of things you cant do or what oportunities are you letting go ?
There are so many things. I am not always able to do a simple telephone call, because I think the person that is on the other side of the phone will judge me, then I try to trick my self with excuses just in order to avoid doing that simple call. I use to avoid see people as familiars or school friends who could have been good contacts to make my life, so I lack the support network that we all need to construct our world.

AlwayssinCrown said:
I'm afraid of saving me from uncontrolled things. I can immediately start laughing, sing or cursing.
Do you use to do that kind of things when you are alone or also your thoughts are irrational?

Hillman hunter said:
Good to have you on the forum
Thank you for your words and your wishes. I am glad to be here and speak safely and without experiment all the problems of our condition.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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There's a site called "social anxiety support" also. I just looked over there, it's a big forum. 227,000 members. Have seen on a google search, in the USA about 15 million adults (about 1 in 14, or 7 percent) have a social anxiety problem, making it the third most common mental disorder in that country.
 
Argon

Argon

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There's a site called "social anxiety support" also. I just looked over there, it's a big forum. 227,000 members. Have seen on a google search, in the USA about 15 million adults (about 1 in 14, or 7 percent) have a social anxiety problem, making it the third most common mental disorder in that country.
That site is banning everyone or just driving away long term members. It got pretty toxic years ago and they have been trying to fix it by making the biggest toxic troll a mod. I don't recommend it. If you join they may assume you're a troll because angry members who got banned come back to troll.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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I did join, but posted only a couple times. It doesn't have much community vibe, it seemed to me. And people with social anxiety could use that.
 
Argon

Argon

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I did join, but posted only a couple times. It doesn't have much community vibe, it seemed to me. And people with social anxiety could use that.
I got booted just for posting that hydroxychloroquine was widely used and considerd safe. That was misinformation and I was banned. I could have rejoined with another IP but I decided not to.
Psychforums used to have a really good avpd group, but it fell apart and then a mod decided to ban more people on the theory that they were driving people away. Of course that just killed the group.
 
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