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Anyone with any advice?

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mgmagma

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Joined
Dec 7, 2009
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2
I've been with my girlfriend a few months, and it recently came out that she has Bipolar disorder.

It hasn't put me off her, and I still really wanna stay with her. She seems to be happy most of the time, but takes medication occasionally at night to "cheer her up". She says she's happy.

She's started receiving things from a "stalker" including Facebook messages and notes. She spends a lot of time in 1 place, and a note was left there saying that someone was watching her. She then got a message asking how one of her lessons was (that she was in) at college, and she's had a number of messages on Facebook describing things that she's actually done throughout the day.

Today I was talking to her about how well things were going with my work etc, then, after a week of not hearing anything, she gets a message.

I too have also received these messages from this apparent stalker, but never when I've been with my girlfriend. The things these messages describe ARE things that she's doing, in and around her home (from every angle), so there's only two possibilities:

A) Either Spiderman or someone very clever who's watched her house or is very accurately guessing what she's doing is watching her or;

B) The messages are coming from her, under an alias, in order to get some sort of attention?

The Police aren't really interested, and her mum only seems to be half bothered. I don't know if this is because she knows something I don't?

Could this sort of behaviour be linked to Bipolar or any similar disorder? Is there anyone with any advice with what I can do? I wanna help her in any way I can, whether this stalker is a real person or if it's her; I just wanna know how I can take steps towards helping her.
 
R

rasselas

Guest
...

what an intriguing situation. permit me, if you will, to have my columbo moment...

if indeed she is making this up (assuming that your angle is accurate and that you are not making this up) then there are two ways to go: continue playing; end the game.

naturally you see it in your best interests not to end the game: eg through directly confronting her. You also seem to appreciate it is not in HER best interests to continue colluding in her game, although its the path of least resistance for you.

on the other hand, because this is a game (the rules of which she has determined) you could opt to embolden your strategic approach. by this I mean adopt some game plan to acquire evidence that she is indeed the note-writer. you can do this maybe through the installation of surreptitious surveillance equipment. and by maybe telling her you're going somewhere, but then loitering in the shadows and secretlly following her movements.

yes of course I am aware as you are of the obscene irony of you following this course of action...

so maybe, although it is he most difficult choice for YOU - declaring GAME OVER may be the the better option.

good luck!
 
S

suzy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2009
Messages
1,064
OK

1) It is brill that it hasn't put you off, I told my boyfriend I am was diagnosed as bipolar and he too is supportive and says it doesn't bother him

2) Have you seen these messages yourself? Ask her to show you them on her facebook profile. Just casually like, mention can you have a look to see if you recognise the persons profile it is from

3) She takes meds "occasionally" normally you have to take it every night. I'm not sure about this

4) Bipolar can cause paranoia. When I was ill a long time ago I thought I was being stalked. I think you are right to be concerned as this could be a warning sign. I don't mean to worry you but see if she can talk to someone. How old is she? Is she being treated in something like the early intervention service?

Let us know how you get on, and again I am glad it hasn't scared you off and you clearly really care about her. I hope she is ok
 
M

mgmagma

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Dec 7, 2009
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I've seen the messages - some have even been sent to me on my Facebook account from someone with random letters as a name, but again, I've never had any of these messages when I've been with her.

Some of the things in the messages are pretty sick. I use a work computer and everything is watched by their central office (which is usually not a problem to me - I don't have anything to hide), but when they saw the messages I'd received from this "stalker" and the things they said in them about what they were gonna do to my girlfriend, they were so shocked that they called me in for a meeting and forwarded them to the Police (which was not a problem as my girlfriend has already been to them). I've now explained the situation to them, and luckily they're supportive.

The first time she received a message from this apparent stalker I told her she had to go to the Police, but she didn't seem that bothered about it, which is what doesn't make sense. Don't get me wrong, usually I'm not one to go to the Police, but the things this person said were so sick; she simply had to go to them.

I don't really speak to her about her disorder. Although I want to convice her that her disorder doesn't bother me; I wouldn't be surprised if I never convince her of it. As soon as she told me out her disorder she said "I didn't want you to know about that", but I've still stayed supportive.

She's clever, and I really don't want to believe that this is her sending these twisted messages to herself and to me, for whatever reason, whether to get attention or otherwise, but it just seems that whoever is at the end of this mystery Facebook account just knows too much about her for this to be a real life person. Describing things she does from room to room in her home etc, accurately. Unless they had the place rigged up with cameras or could climb up walls silently; there's just no way of anyone seeing her do these things. Even the note at the place where she spends a lot of time - it's hard to get into the area that the note was left in undetected - I'm her boyfriend and I get questioned everytime I go near there.

One part of me convinces myself that this is her doing it, and it may be because of her condition, but part of me feels awful thinking that there's a possibility someone IS watching her out there, and does want to carry out these threats they've made to her. I really don't know how to approach her about it. I don't want her to think she's been caught and try to hurt herself or anything - I just wanna know so we can bring an end to it and move on. I'm even paranoid about writing on here incase she reads it. She thinks about everything a lot, and I know she'd take this the wrong way.
 
Last edited:
iffybob

iffybob

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Oct 20, 2009
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4,858
Location
England
Odd

her mum only seems to be half bothered. I don't know if this is because she knows something I don't?
I find this bit odd, if her mum did not care she would fob it off, if she did care she would go nuts........???

I suggest having a "quite" word in private with her mum.......
 
M

mad as a hatter

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Jul 23, 2008
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scotland
yeah we,ve got bipolor so we must be seekin attention in someway we must all be sick in the head then
 
S

suzy

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Joined
Jun 26, 2009
Messages
1,064
You are in a difficult situation,

Just thinking about the facebook thing you can report people, if it is account with random letters it's wierd, like an account someone has set up just to send these messages. I take it this account is not on her/yours friends list. Report them on facebook and they should ban the account

Keep an account of all the messages received, like a diary, for the police
 
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