- Aug 20, 2020
Really struggling to go after my goal to move to a different country one day, because they would never support it.
Do you mean by talking with them? A little. There are other ways to communicate. I showed them I was ready to make my own decisions by working very hard, earning my own money and spending it how I decided. Liberation didn't fully happen until I was financially independent. That was hard because I needed to rely on them while I was at university and I chose a school as far from them as they'd allow (about 900 miles).Did you overcome your issues by communicating with your parents?
Hmm. Explaining isn't working? Actions might speak louder than your words. What sort of behavior of yours would they recognize as signs of responsibility, practical and devoted?Cause my parents still don't understand after me trying to explain it to them multiple times... They just can't accept the fact that I don't need them and I am ready to be independent.
First of all, thank you so so much for taking the time to share your story with me. I appreciate it so much!What story about you would your parents feel most proud of telling the rest of your family or to friends in their community?
Hmm. Explaining isn't working? Actions might speak louder than your words. What sort of behaviour of yours would they recognize as signs of responsibility, practical and devoted?
so true @Sugoldyou can either have a safe, little garden in which you will know all things that you're familiar with. Or you can set out to the unknow, big world that you can discover, that will be full of challenges, hardships, but also new, joyful and wonderful things.
I am just very afraid of causing pain to people
I don't want to disappoint my parents,
You're welcome and it's nice to share stories in common.I am going to feel so guilty
Think about your parents for a minute. They left their homeland so they know what its like to move away from where they were born. And consider why they moved. Mind your parents only want whats best for you. Maybe they think they got you in the best place for a good future. If you want to move you should follow your dreams but consider how you would feel if you were in your mum or dads position.@Bizzarebitrary thank you so much for sharing your story. I am really interested in which culture/s you grew up.
I totally understand what parents are trying to do but it's way too extreme to the point where I am really afraid to make decisions about my OWN life. It almost feels like a crime cause if they don't agree with it there is going to be big dramas. I don't think that's healthy at all cause it's really affecting me mentally. I feel like I have no power or control over my own life.
Did you overcome your issues by communicating with your parents?
Cause my parents still don't understand after me trying to explain it to them multiple times... They just can't accept the fact that I don't need them and I am ready to be independent. They constantly have a say about everything and already have my whole life planned out for me without asking me once what I actually want or what my goals are.
You're welcome and it's nice to share stories in common.
From what you wrote it sounds like you're trying to please a lot of other people with decisions you make about your life, and it's very hard to do.
But you've also made choices like going to Sydney that were to please you. And that took courage. It's not always easy to go far away from the culture and people you know.
I don't like disappointing people ever. I know I have and will continue to do so from as long as I'm alive. It matters to me but not as much as it did when I was younger, something changed. I'll share some of my story about how and why.
Change began in therapy where I decided that adults can be allowed to feel feelings, that I no longer had to "protect" adults from those feelings because I'm safe. I still catch myself doing it.
As a child, I protected adults from their feelings so that I could feel safe, survive, play a useful role in my family. My parents argued a lot and hit me, and so did my brother. So I was afraid of making adults mad at me because I learned they can be violent, and I was also afraid they might abandon me.
Learning to manipulate my parents helped me get through childhood. Un-learning manipulation has helped me have relationships as an adult.
You mentioned your place in your family is as youngest child, I'm also youngest and I have an older brother. But I imagine the stories of your childhood must be very different than mine. What ways did you find to survive and grow?
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