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anyone suspect they know what causes their illness but cant/wont do anything about it?

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whatstheproblem?

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anyone suspect they know what causes their illness but cant/wont do anything about it?

I recently have come to the conclusion that I know what has caused me to uffer with depression and anxiety for all these years. But even if I accept that this thing is the case, there is nothing I can do about it without hurting everyone around me. Does anyone else feel this is the case, and if so, how do you get by knowing you have basically chosen mental illness to protect everyone else? Extremely confused and don't know what to do from here!
 
calypso

calypso

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I am not sure that you have chosen mental health problems. It can feel that way sometimes though. Is there any therapy you can get to work this through, and so not have to involve your family or friends. You can be as you like with the therapist, and find other ways of thinking and behaving that can help you deal with everything. Ifyou post more about your situation, maybe we can understand better. Take care xx
 
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gypsyroad

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I think I understand what you are saying.
If you can live with your illness rather then hurt those around you, thats your choice to make, but why should they get away with it and not suffer for what they did to you, specially when protecting them is the cause of your illness in the first place?
 
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whatstheproblem?

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The thing is, I'm pretty sure the reason at the centre of all my 'issues' is that I'm the wrong sex.. If I had been born male I would have been so much happier, if I was a man I would be so much more comfortable with myself. I don't want to tell anyone this and certainly don't want a sex change- I just want to have been born the opposite sex. Obviously there's nothing I can do about this, so I know I have to accept that I will always have a womans body, but I think this is the reason I have always been so unhappy and uncomfortable with myself. Would I actually be happy if I lived as a man? I don't know and never will because finding out would mean destroying everyone I love. :/
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

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You could definitely talk to a therapist about this, that wouldn;t involve your family/friends at all but may help you cope now with the feelings you are having to endure. I do hope you can find someone to talk to about this.

I have a cousin who is transgender everyone just accepted it was his/her choice in the end.

KS
 
maxitab

maxitab

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Have you ever tried living as a man or at least dressing/acting that way. You don;t have to do it while your family are around and it may give you some freedom and sense of who you are.
 
Boris

Boris

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You certainly aren`t alone in feeling like that. It`s more common than you think. I think if it were me I`d do some research on the Internet (it`s a great tool for finding information), and see if you can relate to anything that is said. If you do, the next step is probably chatting to a few you can relate to, and sharing your experiences. Take things from there. You are still the same you, so try not to worry about hurting those close to you. Your health and well-being is what matters most, it`s time to start putting yourself first. Apart from anything else it`s not healthy trying to be something you`re not, I guess this is something you are painfully aware of. Please let us know how you get on :)
 
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whatstheproblem?

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Thank you so much everyone.. I thought as soon as I wrote what my problem is noone would want to know. I wish I'd come to this conclusion years ago.. I'm now married, to another woman. To be honest I think she suspected before I did.. She has often made jokes and referred to me as being 'such a man!'. But I could never do that to her.. I can't even say it outloud so don't think I could ever say it to my therapist/dr etc. I don't know that it would make any difference anyway.. Maybe I would have been unwell regardless, maybe I'm looking to hard for a reason. But I don't think so. I don't know anymore, I'm just totally confused and really don't know what to do next. Probably I'll just forget about it and carry on as I always have.. Thanks for replying before
 
pentagram

pentagram

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I have a close friend who says she is a man trapped in a womans body. She is getting married soon to her girlfriend of 10 years. She always says she is not a lesbian, just can't do anything about it so has to live with it. She won't go to a therapist and she is generally quite open about it. But she does get down and miserable and tormented about it occasionally.
She is loved by many people and a really nice positive person.
 
Boris

Boris

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Don`t fake the smiles, please keep posting, I`m sure there is so much more you aren`t telling us. I can understand you being cautious about what you say to your other half, but on here it`s a different story, and chatting can do so much :)
 
dib4uk

dib4uk

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For me its cause i hate myself for everything that i stand for, depression, self loathing, self hatred, worthlessness and despair... I too cant fix this, as icant be born differently... be born whole and be born not in this body, so i can relate in part cause i have gender issues but i will not do anything about it cause i cant be reborn, born of a different colour, and size.
 
Boris

Boris

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You could try living your life by your own rules, not those dictated to you
 
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whatstheproblem?

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Thanks guys. I'm starting CBT next month so will see if it comes up in conversation there, but I think it may be a case of (like dib4uk says) accepting myself for who I am and learning to accept the way I was born is how I will always be. I am confused about my gender amongst many other things, but I think putting my entire depression and all th failures in my personality down to that is a bit far fetched. Maybe I'm looking to hard for a reason.. It would certainly be easier if we could identify what actually makes us ill (I presume). Gonna try hard to focus on the cbt and get somewhere with it, just scared that it'll be a case of getting worse in order to get better.. (Clearly one for positive thinking ;) )
 
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whatstheproblem?

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anyone suspect they know what causes their illness but cant/wont do anything about it?

Hi everyone, sorry i havnt bedn on here in ages.. Just wanted to give a quick update- im in such a different place from last time i posted. At that time i couldnt even contemplate saying aloud that i want to be male... Now, just 6 months later i have spoken at length with my psychiatrist about it, come out to some of my family and many close friends. I have taken steps to change my appearance (binding etc) and already feel so much better in myself. I know exactly what i want for my future now, and am on track to be referred to the nearest GIC ti begin treatment- testosterone etc. i cant believe a few months ago i couldnt speak about this at all.. Now im quite open about it and am going to a support group for the first time this week! ( cant lie, im bricking it about going there!) lol. I hope everyone else is doing well, and thank you all again for helping when i needed it :)
 
Boris

Boris

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Hey that`s great news. Maybe one day when you`re ready you can take us on your journey. Good luck, and stay strong :)
 
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