- Apr 2, 2019
- In My Mind
I'm having a difficult time tolerating meds, they are making me severly depressed. Anyone not on meds? What are your symptoms and how do you cope?
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i can understand the part where you say on not tolerating meds, however, it's important to know what specific medication you had taken or tried that made you severely depressed, because when you say depressed, it makes me think you're talking about the antipsychotics that did this to you. and of course, there are different forms of schizoaffective disorder ( according to general research, however, from my experience, most people fit the stereotypical bipolar type and / or depressive type with hallucinations / delusions ) which i don't have, but this itself may be that im fucking misdiagnosed, because i can't just be the only person with the unique traits that i have and don't take any medications from all the people i've encountered, none of which had the profile i had...I'm having a difficult time tolerating meds, they are making me severly depressed. Anyone not on meds? What are your symptoms and how do you cope?
I'm new to the diagnosis of BPD and as of now, I'm currently not on any medication for it. I see my therapist once every two weeks and while I'm not someone who struggles with an extreme case but we'll just have to see where things take us.I'm having a difficult time tolerating meds, they are making me severly depressed. Anyone not on meds? What are your symptoms and how do you cope?
i still am not getting any answers from anyone on what exactly their experience is for "psychotic break". neither from here and neither from any other forum or place online or in person. can you please explain what happened or what were the reasons for you wanting to kill yourself the last time you had a "psychotic break"?I've been medication free for about 2 months now. I am not currently psychotic (in the sense that I can distinguish between reality and fantasy), but I do have a single persistent symptom-the voice in my head. I am hoping I'll be able to live without the antipsychotics (as I find the side-effects unbearable), but I won't know for sure until I've tried it for awhile. I suppose its quite a gamble to stop taking them, as I tried to kill myself the last time I had a psychotic break, but I also can't really deal with the effects of being on medication. Currently I am anxious, very depressed (near suicidal), and physically quite ill. I'm desperately looking for something to make me feel well enough to get through the day, but so far nothing comes to mind.
Most certainly I can do that for you. Thanks for your interest. The last time I had a psychotic break the following was it's development: it started out very gradually. I was abusing amphetamines at that time in a major way and was surrounding myself with severely dysfunctional and violent people. At first my paranoid ideation was focused on those very real people and their intentions to harm me. So it started out as a natural consequence of the rather extreme threats I was receiving and the physical and sexual abuse that accompanied that. I also witnessed However, as time went by I inexplicably started to suspect many other innocent people of conspiring against me in some way. I started to think the whole world consisted of people who either had it in for me. I then started to suspect that all of these people knew each other and were in on the conspiracies together. Then I moved and felt okay (although my delusions persisted) for awhile. I kept using amphetamines regularly although nowhere near as much as before. Then I also started to smoke a lot of cannabis. Every day without exception. I met a new man who I fell in love with. He had a strange and isolated lifestyle and had a very dark personality. Then the delusions started to grow in intensity and in scope...I started also dragging my new partner into the imagined conspiracies. I tried over and over to get him to admit that he was in on it all but of course he would not because it was not real. Then a little while later I started getting the idea that the people in the apartment above me were spying on me and laughing at me etc. Later on I believed that I was receiving personal messages from people over the radio and from my computer. Because I felt they were all out to get me I isolated myself during this period and only spent time with my disturbed boyfriend. I rejected all family and many friends for this reason. Then, finally I started hearing voices telling me to harm myself in the most bizarre and humiliating ways. I perceived that these commands were part of some strange initiation ritual into a dangerous and criminal gang of some sort. I performed the acts they were suggesting. I won't describe them hear as I suspect my post will then be flagged and rejected by moderators. The acts were that grotesque. I also don't know how is feel after if I did come out and tell people exactly what I did. The most disturbing aspect was that the voices were telling me we (the voices and I) should go out and very seriously harm others. I never acted on any suggestions to hurt others however. Nevertheless, I am loathe to think what would have happened if my psychosis was not eventually treated. Eventually things turned for the worse yet again. The voices started threatening me saying they had access to my subconscious mind and that they therefore knew what kind of person I really was-which was an evil person according to them. They said the most horrific things ...all the most extreme tortures they were gonna put me through and so on. I believed wholeheartedly in them. There was no doubt in my mind that it was true at that time. Then one night they determined that I was so evil that I did not deserve to live anymore. In fact, they said they were gonna come torture me for 100 days straight. I panicked. I then determined that the only thing I could do to escape it was to end it all. So I immediately went to it and (without getting into detail again) almost succeeded. Had the ambulance come five minutes later I would not be here today. I survived within an inch of my life. At the hospital I had to have massive surgery. When I came out of that I was still terrified of the voices. However, two weeks of massive doses of haldol, tranquilizers, and the kind and supportive ways of truly amazing hospital staff, I came out of the psychosis. I was an inpatient in mental health department for two months after that. Now, two years later I am completing my PhD, working, have good relationships with family and friends, have a super boyfriend, and am living medication free. That's my story. Don't hesitate to let me know if there are other questions. I am very open. Hopefully my post won't be removed as I think it's important for people to know how bad things really can get and also how it's possible to recover from even the most serious psychiatric episodes and disorders. Peace out.i still am not getting any answers from anyone on what exactly their experience is for "psychotic break". neither from here and neither from any other forum or place online or in person. can you please explain what happened or what were the reasons for you wanting to kill yourself the last time you had a "psychotic break"?
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