Anyone have eye problems that feels related to their mental struggles?

J

jonnyc55

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#1
Ever since 2014 when I began to communicate or try and disrupt people on live TV whilst high on cannabis I always used my eyes, like my eyes could laser beam or/and communicate my inner neurological processes or mind to those on TV.

My eyes felt like a gateway between my mind and to their minds on TV and other people around me in real life. After I felt that others were being effected by my mind via my eyes, I wouldn't stop doing it, I would do this mental eye thing for an entire year with the TV and strangers in the street for entire year whilst high from cannabis (or in between smoking sessions where I wasn't high)
I don't mean crazy eye movements, I mean shifting through my mind and using broadcasting intent whilst focusing heavily with my eyes, like my eyes could better muscle, articulate and strengthen the broadcast.
This eye usage and broadcasting or 'listening' to other people's mind got stuck and the habit stayed with me long after I stopped cannabis by the end of 2014.
Till this day I still struggle to exit this eye relationship with my mind and the world. I feel wired up wrong, feel sore, feel out of sync with my mind and the world. It feels like I've got my brain and eyes and muddled them up so bad that I can't imagine a way out or a way to get relief. At times It feels like I forgot how to use my eyes and brain naturally or normally without causing major blockages or issues.

I've gone through hundreds of ideas and techniques to exit this 'desync' between my aching eyes and mind disruption but they make me physically sick or physically worse. Thought broadcasting triggers the eye muscles to tense, I also tense manually to avoid others from reading my mind, again this eye and mind relationship problem that dates back 4 years. And I wonder if this unrelenting barrage on my eyes and mind over 4 years, everyday, all day, has caused a serious condition that will require serious prolonged attention and recovery.

Here is a schizophrenic eye tracking study, a graph (control = normal person, target = ideal tracking):


m_yoa7359f1.png

As you can see schizophrenic patients have peculiar eye tracking. It is all over the internet now regarding psychosis/schizophrenia and eye issues and tracking.

My eye problem began with a belief I could effect those on TV with my mind by focusing heavily with my eyes and articulating my eyes to reflect my mind and using the eye muscles again to broadcast, with intent, for others to feel what I feel. This snowballed and weird things started happening, timing with my mind and the world felt synchronised.

People on TV, without any effort on my part, would feel connected to my brain and my brain felt public and exposed. This caused distress and headache and eye pain, trying to avoid my mind from being expressive of my true self in fear of them knowing bad things about me or me saying bad things about them. So eye strain got massive along with quality of life hitting rock bottom. I avoided people, TV, music, radio and my own mind.

So now I have a physical condition along with a mental one, they both feel connected. As of late my new technique is to go with the flow, to embrace whatever urge comes my way, whether that is contract my eye muscles/focusing for focusing sakes (my body urges me to do this) or to fully feel the feeling of others feeling me. I hope embracing whatever physiological and mental urge I get will rid me of phobias, breaking the chain or cycle of physical and mental manifestations. So as of late I am trying to go with the flow rather than avoid everything physically negative or disturbing mental happenings.
I don't know if this new technique is bad or good for me yet.

I really, really hope I can get out of this eye strain hell and also be free to think whatever I want without others seemingly reacting to my mind. That is all I want in life at the moment.
 
J

jonnyc55

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#2
P.S. I'm also investigating if I just have basic chronic eye strain. Which would be much more easier to cope with than psychotic complexities.
 
boudreauj4

boudreauj4

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#3
Sorry to read about your eye troubles. I also have a sort of eye problem that I think is linked to my illness but it is nothing like yours. I see after images all over, mostly in slightly darkened rooms. I never see them outside. Like if I look at a black picture frame on a white wall, then look at a blank wall or the ceiling I see an after image, sort of shadow of the picture frame on the blank wall. So with all the light and dark objects in the room and me constantly looking at different things around the room, I end up seeing shadows of after images all over the place and it can get annoying and eye tiring. I searched after images on the web and found something on wikipedia called illusory palinopsia which appears to perfectly describe my symptoms. At first I thought maybe I was hallucinating, but the palinopsia seems to be a real condition. And one of the possible causes of it it said was taking the antipsychotic med risperidone, which i took for about ten years. I've been thinking of seeing an eye doctor for this, but I don't think there is anything they can do for me and I have such a hard time initiating anything that I just haven't made the call. Another interesting thing that happens with my eyes is if I look at a candle burning and squint my eyes so my eye lashes are covering my pupils, I wee these golden beams of light shooting out from the candle (which I believe is normal). The abnormal part is that i can see what appear to be microscopic organisms in these beams of light. I see them floating around in the golden beams. I don't know if I am hallucinating these or if it is normal, but my wife doesn't see them when she tries it. A third interesting thing with my eyes is that if I look at the blue sky I see these little white dots wiggling around all over the place up in the sky. I used to think I was hallucinating these but since then I've discover a real thing called blue field entoptic phenomenon or Scheerer's phenomenon. It is fairly common in people and it exactly describes what I see.
 
J

jonnyc55

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#4
Sorry to read about your eye troubles. I also have a sort of eye problem that I think is linked to my illness but it is nothing like yours. I see after images all over, mostly in slightly darkened rooms. I never see them outside. Like if I look at a black picture frame on a white wall, then look at a blank wall or the ceiling I see an after image, sort of shadow of the picture frame on the blank wall. So with all the light and dark objects in the room and me constantly looking at different things around the room, I end up seeing shadows of after images all over the place and it can get annoying and eye tiring. I searched after images on the web and found something on wikipedia called illusory palinopsia which appears to perfectly describe my symptoms. At first I thought maybe I was hallucinating, but the palinopsia seems to be a real condition. And one of the possible causes of it it said was taking the antipsychotic med risperidone, which i took for about ten years. I've been thinking of seeing an eye doctor for this, but I don't think there is anything they can do for me and I have such a hard time initiating anything that I just haven't made the call. Another interesting thing that happens with my eyes is if I look at a candle burning and squint my eyes so my eye lashes are covering my pupils, I wee these golden beams of light shooting out from the candle (which I believe is normal). The abnormal part is that i can see what appear to be microscopic organisms in these beams of light. I see them floating around in the golden beams. I don't know if I am hallucinating these or if it is normal, but my wife doesn't see them when she tries it. A third interesting thing with my eyes is that if I look at the blue sky I see these little white dots wiggling around all over the place up in the sky. I used to think I was hallucinating these but since then I've discover a real thing called blue field entoptic phenomenon or Scheerer's phenomenon. It is fairly common in people and it exactly describes what I see.
Peculiar, that sounds irritating. Good job finding a fitting diagnosis, that surely helps.
 
boudreauj4

boudreauj4

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#5
Well, I still don't know for sure because I haven't gone to an eye doctor. I'm sort of self diagnosed which sometimes isn't the best thing to do.
 
J

jonnyc55

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#6
Well, I still don't know for sure because I haven't gone to an eye doctor. I'm sort of self diagnosed which sometimes isn't the best thing to do.
I agree be careful with self diagnosis on the internet or real life. Keep away from anything complex or negative. I personally am avoiding the internet with anything mental health related.
I'm my own unique case and I am just trying to be myself as much as possible.
Diagnostic labels, what others are going through and symptoms means nothing to my situation. Nor does it help me.
So I stick to my intuition and do my own thing as much as possible.
 
schizolanza

schizolanza

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#7
Sorry to read about your eye troubles. I also have a sort of eye problem that I think is linked to my illness but it is nothing like yours. I see after images all over, mostly in slightly darkened rooms. I never see them outside. Like if I look at a black picture frame on a white wall, then look at a blank wall or the ceiling I see an after image, sort of shadow of the picture frame on the blank wall. So with all the light and dark objects in the room and me constantly looking at different things around the room, I end up seeing shadows of after images all over the place and it can get annoying and eye tiring. I searched after images on the web and found something on wikipedia called illusory palinopsia which appears to perfectly describe my symptoms. At first I thought maybe I was hallucinating, but the palinopsia seems to be a real condition. And one of the possible causes of it it said was taking the antipsychotic med risperidone, which i took for about ten years. I've been thinking of seeing an eye doctor for this, but I don't think there is anything they can do for me and I have such a hard time initiating anything that I just haven't made the call. Another interesting thing that happens with my eyes is if I look at a candle burning and squint my eyes so my eye lashes are covering my pupils, I wee these golden beams of light shooting out from the candle (which I believe is normal). The abnormal part is that i can see what appear to be microscopic organisms in these beams of light. I see them floating around in the golden beams. I don't know if I am hallucinating these or if it is normal, but my wife doesn't see them when she tries it. A third interesting thing with my eyes is that if I look at the blue sky I see these little white dots wiggling around all over the place up in the sky. I used to think I was hallucinating these but since then I've discover a real thing called blue field entoptic phenomenon or Scheerer's phenomenon. It is fairly common in people and it exactly describes what I see.
Those little things that you see floating around are called floaters. It's very common. I have them too. Someone told me once that they are tiny fragments of the retina. Don't know if that's true. Pilots can experience seeing them because of the strong sunlight he said. Again I don't know if that's true either.
 
J

jonnyc55

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#8
Those little things that you see floating around are called floaters. It's very common.
Yeah it's also important that mental health sufferers incorporate commonality into their mind in order to battle self-alienation and feel more integrated with their former self and the world.
 
boudreauj4

boudreauj4

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#9
What I described above I don't think are floaters, because I also see floaters under different circumstances and I know what they are. The little images I see in the candle beams of light look sort of like floaters, but are shaped more round or oval and I might see one moving left or one moving up or right in different directions which makes me think they might be something other than floaters.
 
schizolanza

schizolanza

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#10
Yeah it's also important that mental health sufferers incorporate commonality into their mind in order to battle self-alienation and feel more integrated with their former self and the world.
Eh? Are you taking the piss?
 
J

jonnyc55

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#11
Eh? Are you taking the piss?
No I wasn't. What I meant was, it is important that any oddities we face, we should try and pin it down to more common causes that the public would label themselves with.
Like your example of calling boudreauj4's eye artifacts 'floaters' which generally most people refer to them as.

I'm on about lessening the emotional impact of some of the ailments we face. It's easy to blame all incoming problems on psychosis or schizophrenia and make ourselves feel more doomed.

So try and identify some of the problems we face as common, to make us feel more integrated with a wider population.

(I don't mean lessen a mental health diagnosis, I mean try and lessen secondary issues that may come your way, if able to.)
 
schizolanza

schizolanza

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#13
No mate. It was just me very late at night. You shouldn't look into it much or too much!