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Anyone had toxic parents?

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Firststep

Member
Joined
Jun 27, 2020
Messages
5
Location
UK
I'm a 34 year old male. My earliest memories are of my dad punching, kicking, spitting on us as little kids (I have 2 older siblings) - my dad was a nasty piece of work, a vile bully, I as the youngest of the 3 can only relate my childhood to physical abuse, being told in no uncertain terms ANY "friend" we ever had was a user, not to be trusted, etc. It's likely no real surprise then at 34, my brother 38, my sister 41, not one of us have ever made any friendships. My mum and dad have never had a single friend between them, on the few occasions they ever attended social events they would always return home to spend hours ranting about how horrible everyone is.

Some of my earliest memories are those of my mum cowering in a corner balling her eyes out begging my dad to leave me alone (I was likely 4/5 then) because he always had a drink problem and there were occasions he would kick and punch me in a corner (as a toddler) so brutally they would keep me off school for a week and even advise me on what I should say if ever questioned.

If I ever bring any of this up I'm going openly called a liar, fabricator, my mum....my own mum, who lived through all this, stood and watched her youngest be assaulted at every opportunity, now openly stands in front of me as a grown man, tells me I'm lying, fabricating it all, and so on.

I love my parents but I feel enough is enough....
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
19,240
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
my dad's very toxic, emotional abuse, i didnt live with him but i remember when i was 6 maybe 5 something like that he told me i'll never be good enough cause i'm a girl :(
 
Z

Zoe1

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Jul 8, 2019
Messages
12,283
Location
Nowhere
hi Firststep :welcome: !

n yeah somehow not being believed
just adds to the torture of it

I have seen things and not been believed
things that happened to another family member

I think I'm refusing to talk to them about it at the moment
and limit contact

I hope being here will help you find your way

:grouphug:🎼🎨🐢🌳
 
F

Firststep

Member
Joined
Jun 27, 2020
Messages
5
Location
UK
Thanks Zoe, that's literally nail on head, my main issue is when my mother can stand Infront of me and call me a liar, twisted, dispicable, deceitful, trouble causer, if I ever dare to mention any of the daily physical abuse. As far as she says, it never happened, yet my entire childhood is nothing but just that. My dad was so abusive I remember as though watching a HD movie 3 seperate occasions where he full closed fist hit me, on one occasion I walked back into garden one day 2 mins late playing out, he acted fine until I had passed him then cracked me closed fist back of head, I was around 9, knocked me clean out. We were NEVER allowed friends, never allowed out, when I went from year 7 to 8, i.e primary to high, my parents wouldn't let me go to school myself, year 9/10 at 15/16 I'd often walk home and glance their car sat down an alley monitoring me walking home.

There's 30 years worth of background but I'm just struggling now, I can't help but love my parents but I'm only just realising they're quite twisted people.
 
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Zoe1

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are you still living there ?
 
F

Firststep

Member
Joined
Jun 27, 2020
Messages
5
Location
UK
are you still living there ?
I own their house, I setup business at 20 (despite the constant claims of me being idiotic) - built business to 35 staff, divorce at 30 lost 4 houses, 1.5m, my business, so having paid the £78k mortgage balance off for them (literally first thing I ever did when able) they god's honest truth to this very day say I never did so. I mean ffs, my bank statement alone proves otherwise but they refuse to even acknowledge it and again point blank call me a liar if I mention it.

I am so done with this life.
 
Z

Zoe1

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no, dont be done with this life,
you can be done with them if you like
for as long as you want to

thats great you have independence financially
you can live at some distance from them
and start expecting some new friends
who will treat you how you deserve
 
F

Firststep

Member
Joined
Jun 27, 2020
Messages
5
Location
UK
Do you think it's coinidence that myself, my bro and my sister between us never had a friend? I could just off the top of my head from memory reel off 50 names of our childhood friends who my dad ensured we had nothing to do with. At 34 I'm not sure I'd know what to do. I suppose I was just hoping to find out if anyone else had this scenario or even if it was relatable at all to anyone. The more I learn the more I realise my dad is/was a narcissistic bully and my mum likely his ideal manipulated victim.
 
Z

Zoe1

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Jul 8, 2019
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I think you can learn to have friends
you might need a professional therapist

as you are in the UK there should be some resources
you could start by asking your GP for a referral

you might get peer support or counselling
or a support worker to help you bridge the gap
 
W

Wanttofeelpeace5

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Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
689
Location
New zealand
Sorry to hear this. Four strong memories I have is the smell of urine as my undies were rubbed in my face. Being hung upside whilst getting smacked to the point of welts and looking mum pleading for help.and the repeated lines. "You've a liar" ' you were a good kid till you were four" and the ironic one "God is the head of this house' ,,,,go figure .. I hear you bro . I'm 52 now and completely fell apart at 50 . Ironically I've forgiven my father but am miles away from forgiving my mother . Your parents behavior was completely wrong .YOU WERE A CHILD it was there job to nurture you .
 
C

Coolname

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Joined
Jun 3, 2019
Messages
663
Location
UK
Hugs to everyone above. Horrible childhoods as a result of horrible parents.

Reading a book at the moment that advises 'parentdectomy' as a vital step in healing, removing the source of the poison. Without the extraordinary violence described in some of the posts above, I found it really hard to accept my parents deliberately toxic behaviour. I finally found a lot of validation in a reddit thread, raisedbynarcissists. That really helped me to accept that my childhood was not my fault.
 
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Zoe1

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yes actually I did cut some of them off completely
for a number of years

when I had some healing I came back to them
only in small doses
 
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