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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

anyone feel this way?

S

sunshine76

New member
Joined
Feb 16, 2010
Messages
4
I am a 33 yo female, in a happy relationship, self employed in a job I enjoy. I have suffered with OCD for as long as I can remember and have always been an extremely anxious, over-sensitive person. My main problem at present (and for some years) is crippling guilt and fear that i have done something wrong. Every week it is something new but the current trend is that I have said or done something horrendous that will be found out and I will lose everyone I love.
I went out at the weekend for my fiances birthday and had a lot to drink. because my memory of the evening is fuzzy I am convinced that I said something awful to someone - something truly wierd. I would never hurt anybody but I am regularly convinced I have done so. I think I may have told someone's secret or said something digusting and that I will get in huge trouble for it. because of this I am in a constant state of anxiety waiting for the worst to happen. it used to be medical fear (I was convinced for years I had AIDS with no basis for this whatsoever). I will find a message for me in everything - lines of a song, a book and be sure it is a personal message of warning to me. Today i am still haunted by the night out - sure that I blurted out something strange. My fiance tells me otherwise - i just can't believe him. Is this really just in my head? Does anyone suffer from this exact same thing?
I cannot eat or concentrate and cancelled two meetings today because I cannot bear to go out of the front door. I feel so low and scared and want to burst into tears all the time.
9 months ago my doctor described anti-depressents. I came off them as I felt worse, completely spaced out. I am undergoing CBT but this doesn't seem to help. I know from experience that the fear passes but each time I just think "this will be the time it's real - this will be the time you have really messed your life up". I become convinced I have cheated on my fiance or that I have done something bad and blocked it out. My poor fiance can't reassure me - he tries - but he can't understamnd how I feel as he is so laid back. Does anyone else experience this type of obssesive thought and anxiety/guilt?
 
P

poptarts21

Active member
Joined
Feb 14, 2010
Messages
27
Location
East Midlands
My lord, every single detail you just described is me :S
I am so happy i am welling up, that i have found someone who feels the same way.

Theres little things, that i have done in the past i have gotten over them told myself to stop being silly but they have all came mounting back up on me, The memories i have of them say to me i have done nothing wrong, and anyone else wouldnt even think twice about them, but somehow i have convinced myself i am lying to myself and i did do things wrong. now i cant concentrate on one thing and have stayed in bed all day, but cannot sleep so its not much help. When i look back to when i last felt normal, i seem to think to myself now that i wasnt, and that i have always been feeling guilty, when i am pretty sure i have never felt even this bad. But how can i know?
I am going to my doctor for the first time tomorrow.
Hopefully he will help me, someone needs to, its horrible living like this, what a waste of life eh? constant worry.
Does anything make you happy anymore, i am just always so upset and everything is a battle. i just stare into space alot and even speaking is hard sometimes.
I feel trapped like nobody can ever help me :(
Im just glad you feel the same!!
 
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