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anyone else out there with Borderline pd

A

antcer1

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Founding Member
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Mar 13, 2008
Messages
5
im just wondering how it affects your life in general and is there any hope out there. i was diagnosed with BPD 4years ago and i hate the high and lows and unpredictability about it.
 
messymoo

messymoo

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Jan 30, 2008
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Hi
I also have the diagnosis of borderline and depression too so your not alone

Jen
 
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little me

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May 11, 2008
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105
I was diagnosed 7 years ago, but up until last year, I fought it, I was ashamed about my mental health, and thought that it was something to hide. That made me worse. I know what you mean about the highs and lows, I still get them, but at least now, though the therapy I'm receiving I can understand why I'm doing this, or why I re-act in a certain way.
I remember when it seemed like I would never be right, and I was so messed up, but honestly, once I realised it wasn't me that was messed up, just the building blocks that I had to deal with situations, and deep down I was alright, my bpd didn't rule my life anymore.
I still have bad episodes, but I am more able to understand why, and to cope.
Are you receiving any treatment at the moment? Maybe it's not the right sort for you, ask your Dr if there are other methods of dealing with your bpd.

or, just post on here, and we'll all have a good natter about it over a cup of tea.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes it does seem a hell of a long way off, if you don't have the support you need.

Little me:)
 
icetsunami

icetsunami

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May 30, 2008
Messages
142
I was diagnosed with an 'interesting' personality disorder, most similar to Borderline. It went nicely with my OCD, Depression, Rapid cycling mood disorder and Tourettes. It fits somewhere in a 2% disorder but includes elements of antiscoial behaviour too. Maybe I should write a book?:LOL:
 
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piratesysy

Guest
I was diagnosed with BPD in December.... Up until then I was getting treatment for depression for about 3 years. I couldn't understand why i was on anti-depressants when half the time i was on highs!! Eventually I went to my GP and said that I wanted a psychiatric assessment.... Since being diagnosed I have found that it has helped me to understand why I do what I do, but I am still suffering from it.

I'm having counselling at the moment and I'm not finding that it is helping. What sort of treatment have other people had or are having?

Pirate sysy
 
M

melanie_1983

New member
Joined
Jun 10, 2008
Messages
3
Location
Lancashire
bpd

hi i'm new to this site and also have bpd. i find it difficult to cope with and i'm very depressed at the moment and don't want to be here anymore. i am on anti depressants, anti phycotics and diazapam prn, and sometimes none of these work. i am under secondary care (care in the community) and i find it difficult to understand. will someone please describe what bpd is and what it does as i'm up and down all the time and my anxiety is really bad at the moment.

please help:unsure:
mel
 
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Dollit

Guest
Melanie, how was it explained to you when they gave you your diagnosis?
 
M

melanie_1983

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Jun 10, 2008
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it wasn't really explained to me. they just said i have to fit at least 5 criterias of bpn out of the 10 and that i fit 8 of them.

they said that it is between phycosis and neurosis and that i have ups and downs in mood, and that i have low self esteem and always put myself down but thats about all they said. don't really understand it although i have been looking on the net and have found some good information
 
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Living Dead Girl

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Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
17
Location
Huddersfield
hey im new & i have BPD. was diagnosed 3/4 months ago.
nothing major has happened since i was diagnosed with it as i have been escaping the real world and consequently the stressors & triggers. i dont have a job etc and havent had any major issues recently i just struggle with the inner turmoil, the intrapsychic processes etc. although i did take 2 ODs within a week & spent time in hospital, so meh, maybe i dunno. maybe the fact that i dont have a job is how its affecting me atm. before the diagnosis i stuggled with everything which culminated in leaving university, which was the reason why i seeked help which resulted in the diagnosis. always struggled with interpersonal relationships, often this resulted with me getting into big trouble at school/college. suffered from alcohol problems since 14/15 which ended up with me drinking nearly everymorning before college at 17, until i got caught n nearly got kicked out of college for the 3rd time. for some reason i always seemed to get away lighty though when in trouble, always have, maybe thats the "manipulation" we dont know we're doing. i escaped several suspensions at school, escaped from getting kicked out of college, and somehow, dunno how, a caution from the cops instead of being charged, when i commited a fairly serious criminal damage & affray case. also i know im never going to be able to engage in a romantic relationship, just recently broke up with my first ever partner (at 20 years old!!!), it lasted 2 months n i was so happy to break free at the end. also BPD has given me lots of confusion over my sexuality. straight to bi to i dont know to bi to gay to I DONT KNOW AND I DONT FUCKING CARE ANYMORE. im asexual as im never going to be with anyone again so.....
self harm.... im not a major self harmer, was in high school, not anymore, just everynow and then really, still the scars are a nuisance.
not quite sure if the confidence is to do with BPD but have little if not none. maybe it results from the fact everyday i say to myself how bad i am how ugly etc , you get the picture. i hate my self blahhhhhhhh.

ok so i think thats enough, sorry i lost the point n just rambled.
 
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Dollit

Guest
Hi LDG - that's a lot to be going on in your life and what you have to realise is that you're not expected to deal with it all today. Pick one thing you can realistically work on and work on that. Don't give yourself a hard time, don't belittle yourself but do take care of yourself, which is always easier said than done. Keep coming back and posting and we'll help where we can.
 
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Living Dead Girl

Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
17
Location
Huddersfield
thx dollit
my aim at the moment is just to get back to uni this september, although i have done little about it, havent apllied for finance, got in touch with uni about coming bk, accomodation etc. all i have is the letter from when i left saying im leaving n they expect me back in sept 08 :unsure:

i just want to get bk to uni, where i study psychology, get on the clincal psychology course, & become a clincal psychologist & help people. but oh no i seem to mess things up, i seem to be incapable of doing anything productive
 
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Dollit

Guest
That's quite a big target. Could you just have a little target for a few days. Achieving something small could give you a boost to your self esteem that you need.
 
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Living Dead Girl

Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
17
Location
Huddersfield
well i suppose i could get a job. they wont pay me benefits cos i messed everything up even though i have a sick note from doc. i have no 70p to my name and its horrid :(
 
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inzie

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Joined
May 28, 2008
Messages
56
Location
Scotland
Hi LDG...

Ok - here are a few ramblings from someone who's possibly gone about it in the wrong(ish) way.

I've recently (Past 4-5 months) been diagnosed as having BPD. Turns out I've been mis-diagnosed for about 30 years - I was eccentric/ mad/ depressed from when I was 12. Finally - finally I have a diagnosis that's right. Yes, a complete pain in the arse - but it's right and it gives me something to hang my hat on and allows me to know what I'm fighting against. Up until about a week ago, I was a senior social worker in a community care team - essentially working with adults. I knew my diagnosis of 'depression' didn't cover all the bases. Over the years things have become more challenging and now untenable. I'm glad I didn't get this diagnosis 10 years ago because the clinicians/ psychs didn't really have a solid definition of the condition. Because of this, service providers - such as social workers - had very negative views of people with the diagnosis and the people who gave the diagnosis. As such, services for the BPD gang were a bit shit (to be fair, they're still a bit sketchy). But now we are living in a world where the definition is tighter and, as such, treatment is becoming more cohesive. Marsha Linehan seems to be the person leading the way in the states - she has developed dialectical behavioural therapy that seems to recognise that BPD is a cluster of symptoms - so, the obvious way to treat it is through a cluster of treatments. I'm currently reading "The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide" Chapman and Gratz(2007) - it's got a few good pointers.

I'm on a waiting list for DBT and psychotherapy. My hope that this wil help me get back on that big roundabout to allow me to contribute again in a way that's meaningful to me.

What I'm saying - I think - is that you've picked a good time to be diagnosed.
You want to be a clinical psychologist? Why not? What's stopping you? I'm not sure what support you're getting - but if you're not getting any support - it's time you did.

You know when you're on an aeroplane and they're telling you about the oxygen masks coming down? They tell you to look after yourself first and then you'll be able to help others.

As a social worker I spent (roughly) 1 third of the time being a great social worker/ 1 third of the time zoning out and displaying other BPD stuff and/ 1 third of the time apologising and mopping up the mess I'd made.

Get yourself on that road to recovery - GP/ Psych? Dialectical Behavioural therapy (?) - and throw yourself into your studies and your life.

Get that degree in psychology - begin to learn about the sacred art - and about yourself.

Allow yourself to think about all your opportunities and possibilities. Just because you have a condition such as this, it doesn't prevent you from becoming a psychologist - Take a look at Kay Redfield Jamison's "An Unquiet Mind" (1995) - she has bi-polar disorder and she is a leading voice in her field.

On a practical level - it sounds like you're saying you need some hard cash. Are you living at home?

Get in touch with your local welfare benefits advice folk - usually via social work or citizen's advice. They'll help you/ point you in the direction of income support and disability living allowance (If you've worked a while, and you've paid national insurance contributions - you may be able to get incapacity benefit). Disability living allowance folk are currently being a bit buggerish and appear to be rejecting everyone first time off - I'd advise you to get someone in authority to help you complete the form to give it weight. They will also help you with any appeals process that may come up.

The other thing I see you talking about is how, because of your BPD you're having difficulty working out your sexuality. I'm probably talking more about myself here - BUT DON'T LET YOUR DIAGNOSIS DEFINE YOU!! Remember - there are folk out there who question their sexuality and they don't have BPD - somewhere inside you is the real LDG - you are not a diagnosis!!

Cheers

Chris
 
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Living Dead Girl

Member
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
17
Location
Huddersfield
wow, thank you chris, thats about the most detailed, insightful and most helpful reply ive ever got from a forum before. so for that i would like to thank you very much.

in regards to help i see a cpn once every 2 weeks and we work though a self help guide together based on DBT called something along the likes of managing intense emotions and overcoming self destructive habbits. i was put on the waiting list with the local psychological services by my cpn in regards to having DBT. i got the initial appoinment letter through, but then forgot to ring up and confirm i could attend before the shut of date, therefore i lost it. however my cpn recieved a letter from the lead psychologist saying if i send all the questionnaires back they will rearrange it for me. which she said was something they dont normally do, & infact im very lucky. maybe this is the fact i wa referred to them 3 years ago and they offered me nothing, and now i am worse. but im moving away to another city back to uni in september and im not sure if i see the point in getting on the list for dbt (a very long waiting list, of roughly a year ive been told) as i wont be here n to travel would cost 20 quid. so its out of the question really.


i have encouraged by my gp and cpn that if i can get through this then one day i could make a great psychologist. theres nothing more in the whole world i want more than to become a psychologist and be successful in helping others over come similar problems.


reagarding my current financial situation im bloody buggered. i dont live at home with parents. i live with my sister, her husband and my nephew.
my parents kicked me out around the time of my diagnosis cos i couldnt (wouldnt in their eyes) get a job.
ive actually screwed myself over in the fact they continued to pay my student finance in january and april when i actually i wasnt a student and i didnt let them know (although uni said they would inform them). it was like yay i have 2 grand in the bank, spend spend spend. living more the moment is what i do and i didnt stop to think of the consequences, now im unable to claim incapacity benefits as they have asked for proof that i have got student finance in the last 3 months. so yeah im buggered. so because i recieved the final payement of the year for students im classed as a student and im unable to claim jack all. i did have a sick note from my gp inorder to claim incapacity benefits. ideally ive always wanted a job but im so petrified of even applying. no one will want to employ me, i get so terrified at the thought of an interview and people judging me at the start of a new job. i dont know what to do right now, i wish id never had the student loans. i spent it riduclusly and impulsively, for example spending 200 quid on a night out. so my fault really. but them times i had money i was happy, i know it sounds shallow but there was something about having it and being able to buy things i wanted that made me feel better, that lifted my mood. but now im screwed, with 70p to my name n 2 maxed out overdrafts totaling over 2 grand. but i totally accept im in this mess because of me. one thing i have learnt from seeing my cpn is that i have to take responsibility for my actions, otherwise i will never get past my borderlineness.

LDG
 
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