T
Tsrifle
New member
For background info: I have adhd, generalized anxiety disorder,, and a social phobia/social anxiety disorder (the title depends on the doctor who wrote it lol) and bipolar 1.———-
I constantly feel like there’s someone with me watching me, and talking to/about me. I’ll imagine the conversations they have word for word, with specific voices and inflections. I know they’re not actually there, but I’ll still change my actions based on them. Like I won’t watch porn/masturbate (sorry lol but it’s relevant) because I feel ashamed like they’re watching me, and I would hear/imagine them making awful comments about me. Even down to looking at memes, I’ll skip certain ones that I feel like the person in my head would look down at me for looking at. Like a makeup meme if it’s a dude who’d think I was stupid for looking at makeup and liking it. It’s just a constant thing, sometimes it’ll last an hour and then the person will go away, sometimes it’ll be ten minutes, and sometimes it’ll be all day. ——-
As I’ve gotten older (and been put on seroquel lol) I’ts gotten easier to force myself to do the things I like and want to without an overwhelming feeling of shame and worry about what they might think. I used to not be able to take showers alone/ had to cover myself with a coat/blanket whenever I went to the bathroom, but now it’s not as present, and it’s not all the time. Plus the conversations aren’t always super in detail now, and usually I’m talking to the person and imagine our conversations, instead of having multiple people having conversations and I hear them. ———-
I don’t feel like it’s part of psychosis, because I know that the person is not real and I’m just imagining the thoughts, and because I don’t actually hear the voices or see the person. ———
I wondered if it was just extreme social anxiety, and Im anxious about what other people would think about what I’m doing so much that I start imagining it, but other people with social anxiety I’ve talked to dont do quite the same thing, it’s usually like thinking the person will judge them or whatever but not actually hearing it ya know.———-
Im sorry this is so long and so scattered, my brain is only able to stay on one topic for about three seconds right now, but hopefully this group will understand that lol. ——-
If anybody has had similar things or even just has some sort of input on this I would really appreciate it.——-
Obviously I’m talking to my doctor about it, and of course I’m not expecting anyone to be able to tell me 100% what it is, but I don’t really know many people I can talk to about this that struggle with bipolar, so hopefully I’ll gain some new insight through this. Thank y’all so much for reading all this lol
I constantly feel like there’s someone with me watching me, and talking to/about me. I’ll imagine the conversations they have word for word, with specific voices and inflections. I know they’re not actually there, but I’ll still change my actions based on them. Like I won’t watch porn/masturbate (sorry lol but it’s relevant) because I feel ashamed like they’re watching me, and I would hear/imagine them making awful comments about me. Even down to looking at memes, I’ll skip certain ones that I feel like the person in my head would look down at me for looking at. Like a makeup meme if it’s a dude who’d think I was stupid for looking at makeup and liking it. It’s just a constant thing, sometimes it’ll last an hour and then the person will go away, sometimes it’ll be ten minutes, and sometimes it’ll be all day. ——-
As I’ve gotten older (and been put on seroquel lol) I’ts gotten easier to force myself to do the things I like and want to without an overwhelming feeling of shame and worry about what they might think. I used to not be able to take showers alone/ had to cover myself with a coat/blanket whenever I went to the bathroom, but now it’s not as present, and it’s not all the time. Plus the conversations aren’t always super in detail now, and usually I’m talking to the person and imagine our conversations, instead of having multiple people having conversations and I hear them. ———-
I don’t feel like it’s part of psychosis, because I know that the person is not real and I’m just imagining the thoughts, and because I don’t actually hear the voices or see the person. ———
I wondered if it was just extreme social anxiety, and Im anxious about what other people would think about what I’m doing so much that I start imagining it, but other people with social anxiety I’ve talked to dont do quite the same thing, it’s usually like thinking the person will judge them or whatever but not actually hearing it ya know.———-
Im sorry this is so long and so scattered, my brain is only able to stay on one topic for about three seconds right now, but hopefully this group will understand that lol. ——-
If anybody has had similar things or even just has some sort of input on this I would really appreciate it.——-
Obviously I’m talking to my doctor about it, and of course I’m not expecting anyone to be able to tell me 100% what it is, but I don’t really know many people I can talk to about this that struggle with bipolar, so hopefully I’ll gain some new insight through this. Thank y’all so much for reading all this lol