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Anyone else feel like this?

P

Paw Print

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Sometimes I want to be manic. I want the relief of not thinking of every single consequence of every action. I am very vigilant of what might happen if I do a certain thing that most of the time it holds me back from actually enjoying something because my mind is always in overdrive.

It isn't that I am happy or that I think more of myself when I am manic, I just feel free. I am not weighted down by my own mind. I am way more likely to hurt myself though.

I think this is one of the reasons I have a hard time taking my meds all the time. I get thoughts that I should stop taking them. Part of it is me playing chicken with myself, how far can I go before I do something stupid. Part of it is that it's another form of self harm.

I just want to know if anyone feels like this.
 
S

scorpio58

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Hampshire
I can relate to what you are saying. For me, having to take meds tells me that I am flawed so to not take them means I am me, good and bad with everything inbetween. But I keep on taking them - so somewhere in my brain there is some common sense.
Jane
 
T

Twylight

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i sometimes wonder if the higher parts of mental disorders are just that little bit ' addictive '.

There has been times when I want to believe some of the non logic
 
jax

jax

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I spend most of my life high or manic. I am sick and tired of it. Sometimes high can be a very pleasant experience. JUst 3 months ago I have my first experience of an irritable high. I detested it. It was one of the worse experiences of my 21 years of being mentally ill. At the minute - I can't sleep. My thoughts won't stop. I'm hallucinating. I'm dissociated. I feel completely exhausted. Yet - this is a high too - I am not enjoying it. I am not sure about you - but not all highs are a good experience. I started back self harming - while I have been high just three months ago. I had not harmed in 2 years. My harming started to punish myself as I have been so irritable that I was having outbursts - something that doesn't normally happen with me. To be honest - I would let anyone take this high/mania away any day.
Jacqui
 
T

Twylight

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Yes, Highs can be terrible

I had a terrifying one, several years ago in Hospital
I won't go in to the horrific detail, only to say I kept the whole hospital awake for five hours,
The nurse on duty didn't know what to give me, but eventually he gave me something that knocked me out - I was so gratefull
 
S

schizolanza

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sometimes I wonder what is worse,bipolar or schizophrenia?
Schizophrenia sucks that's for sure.
I self medicate with alcohol and cannabis.
 
T

Twylight

Guest
sometimes I wonder what is worse,bipolar or schizophrenia?
Schizophrenia sucks that's for sure.
I self medicate with alcohol and cannabis.
Me too
The majority of my mentally ill friends do too.
 
P

Paw Print

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Joined
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Messages
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Location
british columbia, canada
I have not had terrible highs. They sometimes are not pleasant, but have never been horrible for me.

Thank you all for replying. It is nice to not be alone.
 
jax

jax

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I've never touched drugs or alcohol - I have self-medicated with my own medications at times. I had not done that for over 5-6 years. Although - I did self medicate for about a week with extra seroquel as I felt so depressed that I wanted to sleep. I have to say that I have felt like doing it again these past few days. I haven't though.

Edit - I did drink for about 5 years of my life - in my my 20's - but don't drink now at all.
 
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T

Twylight

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I've never touched drugs or alcohol - I have self-medicated with my own medications at times. I had not done that for over 5-6 years. Although - I did self medicate for about a week with extra seroquel as I felt so depressed that I wanted to sleep. I have to say that I have felt like doing it again these past few days. I haven't though.

Edit - I did drink for about 5 years of my life - in my my 20's - but don't drink now at all.
My sister who has bipolar was on seroquel and hated it - always in bed depressed
A couple of months ago she went on to olanzapine and is a lot more active and happier.
 
T

Twylight

Guest
My sister who has bipolar was on seroquel and hated it - always in bed depressed
A couple of months ago she went on to olanzapine and is a lot more active and happier.
Prior to this, my sister who live in Australia was in such a deep depression, she wan't motivated to help herself

It took months of E mails and phone calls to persuade her to try Olanzepine - in the end I threatened to post some Olanzepine to her and that did the trick.

I think she takes a mood stabiliser as well
 
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