Anyone else feel like this?

[Paw Print]

Sometimes I want to be manic. I want the relief of not thinking of every single consequence of every action. I am very vigilant of what might happen if I do a certain thing that most of the time it holds me back from actually enjoying something because my mind is always in overdrive.

It isn't that I am happy or that I think more of myself when I am manic, I just feel free. I am not weighted down by my own mind. I am way more likely to hurt myself though.

I think this is one of the reasons I have a hard time taking my meds all the time. I get thoughts that I should stop taking them. Part of it is me playing chicken with myself, how far can I go before I do something stupid. Part of it is that it's another form of self harm.

I just want to know if anyone feels like this.

 

[Apotheosis]

Yes, I think it's normal to not want to take meds.

 

[scorpio58]

I can relate to what you are saying. For me, having to take meds tells me that I am flawed so to not take them means I am me, good and bad with everything inbetween. But I keep on taking them - so somewhere in my brain there is some common sense.
Jane

 

[Twylight]

i sometimes wonder if the higher parts of mental disorders are just that little bit ' addictive '.

There has been times when I want to believe some of the non logic

 

[jax]

I spend most of my life high or manic. I am sick and tired of it. Sometimes high can be a very pleasant experience. JUst 3 months ago I have my first experience of an irritable high. I detested it. It was one of the worse experiences of my 21 years of being mentally ill. At the minute - I can't sleep. My thoughts won't stop. I'm hallucinating. I'm dissociated. I feel completely exhausted. Yet - this is a high too - I am not enjoying it. I am not sure about you - but not all highs are a good experience. I started back self harming - while I have been high just three months ago. I had not harmed in 2 years. My harming started to punish myself as I have been so irritable that I was having outbursts - something that doesn't normally happen with me. To be honest - I would let anyone take this high/mania away any day.
Jacqui

 

[Twylight]

Yes, Highs can be terrible

I had a terrifying one, several years ago in Hospital
I won't go in to the horrific detail, only to say I kept the whole hospital awake for five hours,
The nurse on duty didn't know what to give me, but eventually he gave me something that knocked me out - I was so gratefull

 

[schizolanza]

sometimes I wonder what is worse,bipolar or schizophrenia?
Schizophrenia sucks that's for sure.
I self medicate with alcohol and cannabis.

 

[Twylight]

sometimes I wonder what is worse,bipolar or schizophrenia?
Schizophrenia sucks that's for sure.
I self medicate with alcohol and cannabis.

Me too
The majority of my mentally ill friends do too.

 

[Paw Print]

I have not had terrible highs. They sometimes are not pleasant, but have never been horrible for me.

Thank you all for replying. It is nice to not be alone.

 

[jax]

I've never touched drugs or alcohol - I have self-medicated with my own medications at times. I had not done that for over 5-6 years. Although - I did self medicate for about a week with extra seroquel as I felt so depressed that I wanted to sleep. I have to say that I have felt like doing it again these past few days. I haven't though.

Edit - I did drink for about 5 years of my life - in my my 20's - but don't drink now at all.

 

[Twylight]

I've never touched drugs or alcohol - I have self-medicated with my own medications at times. I had not done that for over 5-6 years. Although - I did self medicate for about a week with extra seroquel as I felt so depressed that I wanted to sleep. I have to say that I have felt like doing it again these past few days. I haven't though.

Edit - I did drink for about 5 years of my life - in my my 20's - but don't drink now at all.

My sister who has bipolar was on seroquel and hated it - always in bed depressed
A couple of months ago she went on to olanzapine and is a lot more active and happier.

 

[Twylight]

My sister who has bipolar was on seroquel and hated it - always in bed depressed
A couple of months ago she went on to olanzapine and is a lot more active and happier.

Prior to this, my sister who live in Australia was in such a deep depression, she wan't motivated to help herself

It took months of E mails and phone calls to persuade her to try Olanzepine - in the end I threatened to post some Olanzepine to her and that did the trick.

I think she takes a mood stabiliser as well