N
notrealname
Well-known member
- Joined
- May 4, 2009
- Messages
- 766
Hi
I'm new here, I was recently diagnosed with a disorder on the bipolar spectrum (before had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for 10 years). The psychiatrist didn't really want to give a specific label but said I was probably somewhere between cyclothymia and bipolar II.
I'm just wondering if anybody else gets really embarrased about the way the acted, say, a few months ago. I seem to constantly look back a few months and not recognise myself at all. Looking back, my "embarrasing" moments are when I'm depressed her ratthan optimistic. I dont really take risks when I'm happy. I just tend to be very productive, work hard, have great self-confidence and see bright things for my future. I quite like looking back at myself in these phases. Sometimes I get too loud and friends shush me if we're in public but this isn't too embarassing. They like my eccentric side. I actually see this stuff as part of my character, even if it doesn't happen very often.
The embarrasing stuff is the way I get obsessive and desperate when I'm down. I look back and I can't recognise myself at all. Things that don't matter to me normally have suddenly taken great signifiance to me in those moments. I tend to get obsessed with specific celebrities (rather than general celebrity gossip which never interests me) where I normally couldn't care less. I also get obsessed with particular men and can be crowding, or too eager to talk to them. These men are almost always men I've never met (over the internet) or men I haven't seen for years (again, reconnected over the internet) allowing me to fit whatever personality I want to them because I don't know the truth. I also get desperate for contact with friends and desperate to impress. To me, I seem needy and pathetic and attention-seeking.
I guess I get embarrased because I look back and think "that's not me". And people I don't know, or people I admire have seen me that way and that's all they know of me so they naturally just think that's what I'm like. It's humiliating and it seems to happen all the time.
Does anybody else feel this way?
I'm new here, I was recently diagnosed with a disorder on the bipolar spectrum (before had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for 10 years). The psychiatrist didn't really want to give a specific label but said I was probably somewhere between cyclothymia and bipolar II.
I'm just wondering if anybody else gets really embarrased about the way the acted, say, a few months ago. I seem to constantly look back a few months and not recognise myself at all. Looking back, my "embarrasing" moments are when I'm depressed her ratthan optimistic. I dont really take risks when I'm happy. I just tend to be very productive, work hard, have great self-confidence and see bright things for my future. I quite like looking back at myself in these phases. Sometimes I get too loud and friends shush me if we're in public but this isn't too embarassing. They like my eccentric side. I actually see this stuff as part of my character, even if it doesn't happen very often.
The embarrasing stuff is the way I get obsessive and desperate when I'm down. I look back and I can't recognise myself at all. Things that don't matter to me normally have suddenly taken great signifiance to me in those moments. I tend to get obsessed with specific celebrities (rather than general celebrity gossip which never interests me) where I normally couldn't care less. I also get obsessed with particular men and can be crowding, or too eager to talk to them. These men are almost always men I've never met (over the internet) or men I haven't seen for years (again, reconnected over the internet) allowing me to fit whatever personality I want to them because I don't know the truth. I also get desperate for contact with friends and desperate to impress. To me, I seem needy and pathetic and attention-seeking.
I guess I get embarrased because I look back and think "that's not me". And people I don't know, or people I admire have seen me that way and that's all they know of me so they naturally just think that's what I'm like. It's humiliating and it seems to happen all the time.
Does anybody else feel this way?