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Anyone else afraid of committing suicide on impulse?

S

SMiRC

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2011
Messages
20
I had a brief moment yesterday I'm 99% if I'd had a gun I would have shot myself in the head. And I don't even consider myself suicidal.

But I am afraid of crossing streets for example because sometimes when I see a large truck coming fast I feel a sudden urge to stop in the middle of the street.
I refuse to live any higher than 3rd floor. I've gotten rid of all razor blades and bought an epilator instead. I don't even sharpen my kitchen knives, ever. I try to avoid having too many potentially dangerous drugs at home.

Anyone else?

(Feeling a lot better today cause I have a terrible flu which seems to mask away all other uncomfortable feelings :))
 
S

SMiRC

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2011
Messages
20
And is this even typical of BPD?
 
M

madsheep

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2009
Messages
607
Location
Bedfordshire
Hey.
I went through a phase of being really really impuslive. Ended up being sectioned. Was not happy times. I now have, like you nothing in my house that can be really dangerous to me. The impulsivity stopped for a while, but has recently come back in bucketfulls. I just try to keep things around that remind me of what i would be doing.... pictures of family, lots and lots of pets (2 cats, 2 rabbits, 2 guinea pigs and a gerbil).... they seem to help me stay grounded. Just wanted to let you know that your not alone in this.
Try to keep yourself safe, but dont let it rule your life hun.
 
maxitab

maxitab

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 18, 2010
Messages
10,392
Location
In Devon
Poor impulse control is a major feature of BPD.

I am terrified I will do something on impulse, and I don't want to scare you, but I have and was then saved in hospital ( only just). There are times if someone offered me a pill that would make me keel over instantly, I would take it without a seconds hesitation. This is one of the main reasons I am in sheltered accommodation, my front door is unlocked if I am in the house so peeps can get to me instantly.............
 
C

complexcase

Member
Joined
Mar 8, 2011
Messages
19
Hi, yes I feel like this all the time and it's terrifying. I am VERY impulsive. (Yesterday I decided to shave my head, and I did it...)
I have walked out in the middle of a busy road before and a stranger had to pull me back out of the way of this motorbike. I don't think I even really knew what I was doing, just thought, what if... and went and did it. I very rarely use a razor to shave my legs now, I use the cream because I'm scared that I will cut myself without thinking, and then just keep going. Whenever I am on a platform waiting for a train I literally stand as far away from the edge as possible, and try to hold on to something because I am pretty sure that if I don't one of these days I am going to throw myself under a train. The idea would just come into my head and that would be it. Not a second's hesitation.

I get it a lot. You're not alone.
 
B

becky1989

Guest
I know some people on medication, it can lead them to have suicidal thoughts. I used to feel suicidal a long time ago but now feeling so much better in myself and the world around me.
 
M

Marchhare

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Mar 25, 2008
Messages
919
Location
SW
Yes, very frightening
MH
 
R

runslikeariver

Guest
Oh yes-especially when I was younger and not stabalized on meds. If I do it now, 'make a serious attempt' I usually think about it for a few days, write letters, make a list of who should have my things, etc. I have a pharmacy in my house, literally, and I'm afraid that if I take the wrong thing or not enough I might not make it to the end, just end up brain dead or something awful. I'm okay with knives and stuff, can't stand the sight of blood. And I would never allow a gun in my house-I know that I might use it on myself, or my husband. If I get drunk it is all over. In Sept of last year I was absolutely going to do it, I was just too drunk to go in the other room and get my pills. So I try really hard not to drink. You are not alone, hon. Ever. River
 
S

SMiRC

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2011
Messages
20
I had a serious well planned attempt in adolescence, only half way things since then. I am so sorry and so relieved at the same time reading these answers. You people help me so much just by answering I've felt so alone and helpless for a long time. Right now i just feel like i want to take the next plane and fly over and hug you all, it's stupid but thank you so very much :)
 
S

SMiRC

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2011
Messages
20
running a high fever now gonna lie down and a friend will be checking on me tomorrow. i love this flu :) haven't this stable in ages :)
 
amathus

amathus

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Messages
16,323
Location
goodness knows!
Yep just to add to the other comments, impulsivity has been a major problem for me for quite a long time now tho'
I'm still here to tell the tale. I've always said to my pdoc if suicide comes into it , it will be an impulsive act...
he agreed...ps ...hope your flu gets better!

qf.
 
S

SMiRC

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2011
Messages
20
Hey.
I went through a phase of being really really impuslive. Ended up being sectioned. Was not happy times. I now have, like you nothing in my house that can be really dangerous to me. The impulsivity stopped for a while, but has recently come back in bucketfulls. I just try to keep things around that remind me of what i would be doing.... pictures of family, lots and lots of pets (2 cats, 2 rabbits, 2 guinea pigs and a gerbil).... they seem to help me stay grounded. Just wanted to let you know that your not alone in this.
Try to keep yourself safe, but dont let it rule your life hun.
Oh I wish I could keep pets.. :( i'm very allergic and asthmatic and my 2 rats I loved very much nearly killed me nd I ended up killing them when I was "not so well" and this is extremely difficult to admit cause I love animals and I hate myself and have nightmares about what I did. I was both physically suffering and mentally very unstable at the time. I will never forgive myself.
 
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