• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Anyone able to PM for a bit

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MouthyOne

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Need to get a few things off my chest. Shame and guilt.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Sometimes it is nice if we all join in, more help for you, a comfort for those who feel the same as you do too.
 
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MouthyOne

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I understand. Best to stick on the forum?

Get a bit worried as even as an anonymous person that someone will find out what an idiot I am.
 
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MouthyOne

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Have turned more into a horrible person to be around and overreact to so much hard to see the wood from the trees. Wish it was just one emotional outburst and act however its been so many since the start of this thing.

It's very painful and effects my life so much.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Have turned more into a horrible person to be around and overreact to so much hard to see the wood from the trees. Wish it was just one emotional outburst and act however its been so many since the start of this thing.

It's very painful and effects my life so much.
I’m sorry to hear this MouthyOne, do you have a diagnosis?
 
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MouthyOne

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Will note quickly on things that's happened since from March to July/August

1. Acted erratic with ex partner.
2. Called a shop assistant a weirdo for being a bit huffy with me. Went on and on then got asked to leave the store.
3. Argued with a store manager about something. Can't remember what that was about.
4. Drunk dialled a few acquaintances
5. Swore on a family Zoom call in April/May time. Family who I haven't seen for twenty years where there. Barely know some and took it out on one particular family member.
6. Shouted at mum in street. Was in so much of a rage I didn't feel I was in my body at the time. Very surreal.
7. Called an old friend a junkie when they offered me drugs. I pertoke and went into a total rage. Slamming the door of the house after it.
8. Went to parents after that and went verbally ballistic. Was full of paranoia and spouting off about religion. Stuff that is deep down part of my feelings but came out totally mentally.

That's the main things for now. 😳
 
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MouthyOne

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I’m sorry to hear this MouthyOne, do you have a diagnosis?
Hi,

No. I am trying to work on things myself by attempting to stay active and productive as I can. Have been on and off meds for about 12 years. Decided to taper off from mid May.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Hi,

No. I am trying to work on things myself by attempting to stay active and productive as I can. Have been on and off meds for about 12 years. Decided to taper off from mid May.
We’re you on meds for depression?
 
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MouthyOne

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We’re you on meds for depression?
Depression yes. Venlafaxine. Had been using over the counter tablets, natural remedies and stayed active in the summer. Felt OK and right at the time as was almost in a world of my own.

Paying the price for this now by my thoughts going back to the way I behaved and likely turned people against me.
 
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MouthyOne

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Seems I was flying off the handle at anything, big or small.

It's shameful, haunts me and causes mental issues. Have in turn started going further in the past to think about stupid things I have done over the years. Mostly work related things and how I generally perform poorly in workplaces.

Most of that was behind myself but is more coming to the fore for the past two weeks or so.
 
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MouthyOne

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Have stopped drinking alcohol and energy drinks they were contributing to my behaviour. Since start of Sept things have been more and more depressing. Flat most of the time, barely able to raise a smile. (have the odd moment) and add anything to a conversation.

Brain won't allow me to follow much of a conversation and feel a bit brain dead and cut off most of the time.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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I wonder if you have ever looked at Bipolar as a diagnosis for you. The things you have described are similar to things I do when I am manic. When Bipolar folks are not manic they often suffer from severe depression and are often treated for depression instead of bipolar because bipolar folks are most likely to seek out treatment when depressed. Here are some of the symptoms for those suffering from Bipolar Disorder:

 
Tawny

Tawny

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When i am not on medication, i have shouted at people in shops and thrown things, slammed trolleys, pushed trolleys very hard off on their own, it is all very bad. I don't like how it makes me look like gobby trash. A nice person becomes a bad tempered bitch. People don't forget do they, and don't realise it is illness or medication.

I have done other things i won't write about, in the other direction when depressed i have done much more that sickens me. I wish that nobody had witnessed anything, it is so painful to remember. I stay well away from these people, these places, sickening.

I am sure many of us have done this and worse. I don't know the solution other than to keep trying to do the right thing and taking the medication if it helps
 
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MouthyOne

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Thanks for that JessisMe

Looking quickly at the article most seem to fit. I worry about self diagnosis and have slight concerns about going to the doctors again.

The only one that doesn't fit at all is the decreased need for sleep.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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It makes it easier if you look back on your life, with the hindsight of mental illness and medication. Venlafaxine is well known to be a trigger for hypo/mania, my doctor told me about this.
 
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