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Anybody have advice on how to overcome social anxiety???

T

techguy2020

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Nov 12, 2020
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Australia
Hey Guys,
I have been suffering from social anxiety at the beginning of my teens years and it has ruined my high school years. I have just graduated and want to get a job. But, the problem is that I have social anxiety. I have learnt so much advice but would like to learn some more. So, if you had social anxiety and overcame it. Any advice would be welcomed. Thanks, have a blessed and safe day to you all.
 
Talina

Talina

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I haven’t overcome my social anxiety but it’s more manageable than before. For me it was facing my fears slowly and determination to do things.

For example my mind and body scream no, but I still decide to take the step towards what I’m scared. Over time a few things became easier to do. But I also use music which is really important for me and focusing on breathing to calm down. If things feel too much I will try to get to a space where I can calm myself a little and collect my thoughts.

But it gets quite tiring always needing to face your fears and step outside your comfort zone. At least its been working for me to always face my fears and not let them restrict myself. To make the fears become a little less controlling.

So I have come to a point, where I can talk with people at uni and go to job interviews. Even though it spike up my anxiety, it will often just keep to nausea mostly. In the beginning it have been small exposer that I later built up.
 
irwin

irwin

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Oct 14, 2020
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424
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Colorado, USA
My SAD is worse now than it's ever been. In my younger days, I was somewhat optimistic about my future, and that motivated me to socialize despite my anxiety. I thought that eventually I'd figure out a way to overcome it and things would work out. But I've been beaten down too many times over too many years... actually, too many decades, and now I'm just trying to avoid people except online where I control who I come in contact with.

It's all about self-esteem. I see other people who succeed in the world -- even at a basic level. Even some loser who works at a corner store is more adept in the world than me. I have two Bachelor's Degrees and 30 credits towards a Master's, but I can't handle being around people, so my career and most attempts at relationships have gone the toilet. I've failed at life.
 
R

Rzero

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Texas
These days I take clonazepam and propranolol, which solve the problem almost entirely, but I used to have methods that helped a little. I concentrated on breathing, like you said, and I made only fleeting eye contact. That's not ideal, but I would rather someone notice that my eyes are wandering than see me shaking. I also had a tendency to overcompensate and talk a lot. I wouldn't call that call that a good habit either, but it was a coping mechanism anyway.

Are you familiar with the wonders of focused fidgeting? This is big in ADHD world. It helps people concentrate because it occupies one's floating attention, leaving surface thoughts free to focus on the task at hand. I found that it also helped me talk to people without my head shaking. Keep something in your hand that you can fidget with, something small that won't distract or annoy the person to whom you're talking. It can be anything that distracts a small amount of your attention without drawing you away from the conversation. It can be a guitar pick or coin that you flip around over and over or a rubber band to stretch or pluck quietly. There are also tons of manufactured fidget toys available that you can use. Don't use a fidget spinner though. Things like that are distracting to other people and make it look like you're not paying attention to them. The ideal fidget is one the other person probably won't even notice, and if they do, you've got a nice little conversation starter.

Look up "flippy chain fidget toy." They're very popular and my personal favorite. They're made by a hundred different companies, so just find a highly rated one and try it out. Good luck!
 
jajingna

jajingna

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I guess if it was easy to overcome it wouldn't be such a common problem.
 
Jam1990

Jam1990

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May 22, 2020
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earth
My SAD is worse now than it's ever been. In my younger days, I was somewhat optimistic about my future, and that motivated me to socialize despite my anxiety. I thought that eventually I'd figure out a way to overcome it and things would work out. But I've been beaten down too many times over too many years... actually, too many decades, and now I'm just trying to avoid people except online where I control who I come in contact with.

It's all about self-esteem. I see other people who succeed in the world -- even at a basic level. Even some loser who works at a corner store is more adept in the world than me. I have two Bachelor's Degrees and 30 credits towards a Master's, but I can't handle being around people, so my career and most attempts at relationships have gone the toilet. I've failed at life.
I relate to you. I have my bachelors and I’m working a job in fast food because my anxiety just can’t handle much more right now. I’m trying to get better through medication and therapy but it’s still really tough and I’m afraid that if I get a higher quality job, that I’ll fail because of my anxiety. It really makes me feel like a failure sometimes but I’m really trying the best that I can and I’m certain that you are too
 
S

Shay94

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Apr 10, 2020
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490
Location
Balga. Perth
I haven't managed to overcome my social anxiety, its still there and I'm working thru it slowly. But as I also don't have many friends to rely on (really only have my partner & one best friend) so I find it hard talking to others unless they're interested in animals as much as myself. I found that working with animals as a career has helped me cope with my depression/anxiety better, I was on meds for a while but didn't like the way they made me feel as brain fog was a severe side effect. I felt like I wasn't in control at all and it scared me so I stopped, haven't got new ones as I seem to be bit better without them but I'm not fully 100%, so just been trying to find things outside of that to help me get thru it
 
jajingna

jajingna

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I've made a little progress over the past few months. I do some EFT tapping every day. It mainly just gives me some calmness. I've watched a bunch of videos on it where you can follow along. But you can do it anytime, like when watching TV.

The other day I saw a hypnosis video. Plenty of comments say they found it helpful.

People often recommend meditation and mindfulness practice too.
 
M

ManDss

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Apr 22, 2018
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1,189
Location
Argentina
Maybe gonna sounds empty, but my my advice is: keep trying. Keep exposing yourself to social situations. Its all about try and learn. And be relax. You gonna have bad experiences, thats part of life, so if you have bad experiencew know that its part of life, and the only you can do is look to the other side and keep with your life as if nothing happened.
 
Q

quilteddown10

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Apr 26, 2021
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173
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UK
My SAD is worse now than it's ever been. In my younger days, I was somewhat optimistic about my future, and that motivated me to socialize despite my anxiety. I thought that eventually I'd figure out a way to overcome it and things would work out. But I've been beaten down too many times over too many years... actually, too many decades, and now I'm just trying to avoid people except online where I control who I come in contact with.

It's all about self-esteem. I see other people who succeed in the world -- even at a basic level. Even some loser who works at a corner store is more adept in the world than me. I have two Bachelor's Degrees and 30 credits towards a Master's, but I can't handle being around people, so my career and most attempts at relationships have gone the toilet. I've failed at life.
Hi Irwin - I find a statistical/scientific approach to things helps me gain insight and a degree of control. What do I mean by this? Well, most (but not all) phenomena - and certainly social phenomena - follow what's called a 'Normal distribution': the bell curve. Most, by definition, fit the 'norm', the fat peak of the curve. You and I, I would imagine, are outliers on our respective curves. You have SAD, and I am ugly. As an ugly man, I have come to the conclusion that self-esteem is a social resource. What I mean by that is that people compete for its allocation. You cannot just 'create' it like injecting cash into an economy. It has to have a value. That value is a socially agreed upon set of criteria.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

You can't simply create self-esteem from nothing. I have tried again and again but it doesn't work. It has to be signaled, socially.

Me? Well, I'm never going to have much self-esteem. I'm chronically-ill, unnattractive and made a bit of a mess of the few good things that came my way. So what motivates me to keep going? Well, a beautiful day out on my bike. Sure, I get 'Ugly!' shouted at me as I cycle my way out of the city and back in again, but as there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, I may just as well carry on regardless. I'm not doing anyone any harm and, really, just minding my own business....but I'm an outlier, so shit gonna happen. All societies work like this. They always have, and they always will. We are deeply social animals and deeply face-centric.

So, I say, embrace the bell curve and realise you are a tiny, tiny part of a massively indifferent statistically driven process called Social Life. It creates detachment from the whole cacophonous roar that, personally, I would find quite overwehelming if I allowed it to dominate me.
 
F

fragrant_violet

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Mar 29, 2021
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Tirana
I got a brother whose social anxiety is so bad that he has never worked in his life. I've tried to help but nothing don't worked. He us even in denial.

I don't got it myself but am going the right way about it. I hardly ever speak to anyone.

I've looked into it and can only see a few things you can do

One is to force yourself, repeatedly, into uncomfortable situations. Are you willing to do that?

CBT does appear to help some folk but again, you gotta force yourself to do the homework. Like going out for a walk and saying hello to five strangers.

Meditation and regular exercise help with everything but is not a solution on its own.

Sertraline is supposed to help somewhat. Benzos calm you down but soon get addictive.

Finally, being prepared to tell folk that you suffer from social anxiety so sorry if I come across a bit uptite, I'm working on it right now etc.

Not easy
 
zula77

zula77

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Joined
Jan 10, 2021
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85
Location
York
My SAD is worse now than it's ever been. In my younger days, I was somewhat optimistic about my future, and that motivated me to socialize despite my anxiety. I thought that eventually I'd figure out a way to overcome it and things would work out. But I've been beaten down too many times over too many years... actually, too many decades, and now I'm just trying to avoid people except online where I control who I come in contact with.

It's all about self-esteem. I see other people who succeed in the world -- even at a basic level. Even some loser who works at a corner store is more adept in the world than me. I have two Bachelor's Degrees and 30 credits towards a Master's, but I can't handle being around people, so my career and most attempts at relationships have gone the toilet. I've failed at life.
Yes self esteem is so important, it underlies so many problems. Comparing ourselves to others is so painful, I'm guilty of it too...I'm just trying to find a place where I am comfortable in the world and you will do too. It's comforting that we can understand others' experiences, we're all in the same boat
 

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