• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Anybody else just feel like they're existing?

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Fightingtoo273

Member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
8
Location
Michigan
I can't wait for the day to be over. I go to bed early but can't go to sleep for hours. Every night I pray that God will take me in my sleep. And when I wake up I don't want to wake up.😕 I don't feel like I'm living. I just feel like I'm existing. I divorced 3 yrs ago after 38 years of marriage. Because of this stupid virus I can't see my kids or my grandkids. My kids are scared. I am not afraid of this virus at all. I've been depressed and had anxiety for over 15 years since I caught my husband communicating and being involved with gay men on the internet. I have not been the same since. I feel like I'm in a downward spiral everyday. 😢 How does anyone come back from this?
 
Ladyfair

Ladyfair

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 12, 2020
Messages
1,758
Location
USA
I can't wait for the day to be over. I go to bed early but can't go to sleep for hours. Every night I pray that God will take me in my sleep. And when I wake up I don't want to wake up.😕 I don't feel like I'm living. I just feel like I'm existing. I divorced 3 yrs ago after 38 years of marriage. Because of this stupid virus I can't see my kids or my grandkids. My kids are scared. I am not afraid of this virus at all. I've been depressed and had anxiety for over 15 years since I caught my husband communicating and being involved with gay men on the internet. I have not been the same since. I feel like I'm in a downward spiral everyday. 😢 How does anyone come back from this?
Hello welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry your going through this. I'm just existing but I can't seem to change my life. Do you have anyone to help you or to talk to?
 
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Fightingtoo273

Member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
8
Location
Michigan
Hello welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry your going through this. I'm just existing but I can't seem to change my life. Do you have anyone to help you or to talk to?
Yes I'm talking to a counselor once a week but I don't feel like it's helping. She's very generic. I talked to my friend but she doesn't understand about depression or anxiety. I just feel lost at alone.
 
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lifecangetbetter

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2021
Messages
773
Location
California
i just feel like a floating soul. dunno why im here
 
Karmaman

Karmaman

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2021
Messages
352
Location
North West
I've felt like I'm just existing. Have been pretty much for the past wo years. Only sleep brings peace.
 
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Sugaree

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2021
Messages
165
Location
California
Life is much more than just existing and you won’t be stuck forever,even though it feels that way now. I think most people with depression feel that way alot. I often feel like I am so far out in space somewhere,completely disconnected from my husband,daughters and grandchildren. They are the only people who love me yet I get stuck on the dark side of the moon all alone. Coming on this forum made me realize I am not alone and neither are you. Hang on and I hope each day gets a little better. :hug:
 
Beta012

Beta012

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 12, 2021
Messages
72
Location
United States
I feel that constantly due to feeling like I'm living in a nightmare sometimes. However I have difficulty closing my eyes so sleep is hard for me because I feel like I always have to be alert and watch my surroundings otherwise I will get more anxiety and possibly have an anxiety attack which has happened before if I don't pay attention to what's around me. So I'm awake and paying attention when I can because it's very difficult for me to sleep and every time I wake up I feel like I've been run over by a train due to chronic pain. Every day feels like it stretches out for years to me due to time dissociation. I hope you feel better sometime, I send hugs. Must suck to have gone through that.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
984
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
I feel like I'm just existing at this point in my life. Right now I'm all alone. My life was far better when I was married, my kids talked to me, and I had a job, which gave me purpose. Now that I'm divorced after 26 years of marriage, my kids no longer talk to me, and I don't have a job, I feel rudderless in this thing they call life.
 
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spiritswillcollide

New member
Joined
Feb 21, 2020
Messages
3
Location
wormhole
I long for the day to be over too.The mornings are the hardest.Come the afternoon I know the evening isn't too far away.Come the evenings I take my meds,lock the doors etc and can finally shut the world away only to do it all over again.
 
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turnitoffandonagain_again

Well-known member
Joined
May 27, 2020
Messages
107
Location
London
I wish sleep was such an escape. On the contrary, when I'm up I don't want to go to bed, because my physical symptoms have always been far worse during the night/when trying to sleep. Nights are more of an ordeal of physical torture I have to brace myself to try and get through. And it has repeatedly gotten worse over the decades as the symptoms have multiplied.
When I'm up I want to to back to bed, though, to escape the nausea and exhaustion - but it doesn't work.
 
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turnitoffandonagain_again

Well-known member
Joined
May 27, 2020
Messages
107
Location
London
"Sleeping" and being awake are just two different kinds of ordeal. The symptoms are slightly different between each. And whichever one I'm experiencing I usually eventually give up because I can't stand it any more and go back to the other. There's no escape from it.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
891
Location
England
I can't wait for the day to be over. I go to bed early but can't go to sleep for hours. And when I wake up I don't want to wake up.

Because of this stupid virus I can't see my kids or my grandkids.

I divorced 3 yrs ago after 38 years of marriage. I've been depressed and had anxiety for over 15 years since I caught my husband communicating and being involved with gay men on the internet. I have not been the same since.

I feel like I'm in a downward spiral everyday.
Right. Let's break it down a bit. You're depressed and anxious thanks to what your husband did to you and after 38 years you no longer have the stable life you thought you had. Would it be fair to say this is the reason for the core of the depression/anxiety, the real heart of it?

Other contributors are the effects of the virus and not being able to freely see family and actually live something close to a normal life, maybe even feeling trapped by the whole situation. Is that fair to say too?

Now, depression is a downward spiral and it will keep spiralling if you keep feeding it. Easier said than done, but it's something to believe in.
If you said yes to those things above being reasons for your depression then the good news is...you can fix them.
If you fix them, depression can go away. If depression goes away you can live a happier life.

But...what are you doing right now? One of the worst things you can do is mess with your sleep pattern. It feeds mood instability. You're trying to go to sleep when your body isn't ready for it and this is creating a vicious circle for the next morning and how you feel the next day, and so on.

Strip it all back and start with getting your sleep into a solid pattern. Yes, you feel depressed and don't want to, but remind yourself of the possibility of changing it, and work towards doing exactly that. (If you want me to offer more on the sleep side of things just ask for more, I'll spare the rest of the forum for once!)
 
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