Hello AvfcMan! First of all, you are not evil. Our brains are wild, wild things that we often times have no control over. A normal person might think this kind of thought just because their brain is well, you know, thinking, but when you have OCD, your brain takes these intrusive thoughts and makes them a lot worse than they actually are. It's normal for everyone to have strange thoughts sometimes, and distress may be caused. However, with OCD, your brain gives into a compulsion. A compulsion is something that provides us with OCD temporary relief. Your compulsion might be avoidance, it's the most common compulsion. You are probably trying to push these thoughts out or denying them for temporary relief. However, as weird as it may seem, you need to perform something called ERP (Exposure Response Prevention). You need to face these thoughts and agree with your OCD. Tell yourself, ok, this is going to happen. Ok, I might do this. It's not a big deal. I can handle this. I'm strong, and I can take this. Your brain physically cannot stay in an anxious or distressed state forever. If you face these thoughts and agree with them (even though you actually don't, accept them and let them come) your anxiety will go down, and thus, you will break the OCD cycle. The thoughts may still come back, as most OCD is permanent, but you will eventually be able to bat them away within seconds. It might be very hard at first. Don't feel embarrassed to ask trusted people around you for help. If you find performing this on your own is too difficult, you may want to seek a therapist who specializes in OCD. I would never recommend a talk therapist (someone who just talks to you about your OCD) to ANYONE struggling with OCD. A therapist that specializes in ERP is pretty necessary for most people to overcome their OCD. Stay strong, and don't give in to your compulsions to get rid of these thoughts. This is not going to last forever. This is going to end. You are not alone, and you don't need to feel ashamed (don't trust the feeling of being ashamed, it's another reaction to these thoughts OCD gives you). Best of luck to you,
(Struggles with but recovering from OCD)
(All OCD education I know comes from a professional OCD-specializing therapist/therapy)
(Not a doctor or has the ability to properly diagnose anyone)
Intrusive thoughts are really bad and take over a life. Have you read a book called Emotional hijacking by Marlene Schnieder Potter? Its written very simply and has within it very easy to follow ideas on how to overcome such thoughts and feelings. I think you can get it on Amazon but not sure.
I think its a question of remembering that we have 75,000 thoughts a day and these are just the ones which recur in our minds. I think that good therapy can help with these and answer why you are getting them. I think its an idea to try to come up with a way of training the brain to listen to all the other thoughts more. I get them and I am making my mind retrain itself to listen to the other thoughts more.