Any help would be so appreciated

G

guitar1991

Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2018
Messages
7
#1
Hi everyone

New to the formum here and would greatly appreciate some help. I understand that we can’t advise on any form of diagnosis but would greatly appreciate some advice about if i should seek professional help or am I being over the top.

For a long long time,I have been so sensitive to any form of insult or criticism and often blow it out of proportion. This has led me to completely isolate my self from making and keeping friends as I am so frightened of being insulted. When I am I believe extant what they say and then get so depressed. I can’t see middle ground it seems I’m either completely useless and worthless or not

I just can cope when people reject me also or don’t like me. I am so scared when people don’t like me and get so upset if no one talks to me If they don’t I get so upset and bitter which makes me feel so ashamed and angry at myself. This is why I never socialise anymore out of fear of being left out and insulted. I haven’t socialised for over a year :/ I have pushed so many people away.

When I message anyone I’m so scared of what their reply will be because I know it will have a big impact on me. I would often ignore messages for weeks because I couldn’t cope with the emotion of it . Other times I would keep my phone off because I’m so scared of what a reply would read.

This really started to become a problem when I was in 6form-I was so scared of being rejected insulted and unwanted that I quit school and spent a year in isolation with my late mum

This happened again while in university I couldn’t cope with the feeling of being left out and being slightly insulted by my house mates so I just vanished back home and led a life in guilt and isolation.

At the same time, these days sometimes I don’t like the feeling of being Smothered and would also then push people away and then wonder why know one wants to socialise with me .


My opinion on people change frequently as well -sometimes I feel very angry because they have upset me with something small

I often See Friends as competitors as well and when I compare myself with them I feel completely insuperior and become very bitter and sad.

I get so worried that they think negatively of me And this leads me again to push people away.

I would often have extreme reactions afters socialising with friends Which makes me think about suicide.

When I would go out, I would drink so excessively to the point where I would pass out and never knew when to stop. I’ve been in a few dangers situations where I was on my own really intoxicated.

Also when someone is nice to me I just can’t cope with it. I feel an overwhelming sense of emotion and I have to go for a walk and talk to myself to calm myself down. When my boss talks to me I again have such strong emotions of feeling overwhelmed that it takes me a while to calm down.

I analyse what was said and sometimes feel that I’m going to loose my job. I get so stressed out that I start to feel like I don’t exists and that I’m leaving in a dream world.

When someone calls me useless or makes fun of my intelligence I just see red and get so depressed that I fantasise about suicide

I often worry about things so much that I begin to become paranoid, can’t concentrate, forget everything, do silly mistakes and feel as thought the world is fuzzy. I almost feel as if I can see dots everywhere like as though the resolution on the tv is low. People use to make fun of me that I’m in my own world and i just can’t snap out of it. I feel like I’m dreaming.

I often word have what i use to call “breakdowns “ when I was younger and get so upset I would cry uncontrollably and shout, injure myself and feel so ashamed of who I was because of my breakdowns. I use to break things and have been sent to A&E once.

I often react extremely to things as well- for example I made a mistake in my previous job I immediately thought I was incompetent of that job and quit the next day :/ overreacting and feeling suicidal.

I often do stupid things like take too many medications as well. Once in work to concentrate I took so many pro pluses that I had to almost leave work.

I sometimes think that I am an evil person and feel so ashamed and guilty that have self harmed :/ other days I feel confident and ambitious

I’ve changed my university courses 4-5 times and have changed what I wanted to do as a carrier so many times. I barely keep to anything and I’m thinking of quitting another uni course because I’m so worried about something that it’s making feel like I don’t exist again and feel that I won’t be able to do the course. I also feel like nobody likes me and won’t talk to me.


I’ve explored so many religions and have became a member of certain Christian denominations, where it’s either all or nothing in regards to keeping to the rules. Once I’ve broken a rule I quit and try to find a different religion.

My opinion also changes frequently and have identified my self as Buddhist a Christian and have explored Islam. Again this has led me
To push people away.

I don’t know what type of person I am as I often feel differently almost every other day. Sometimes I have a really creative ambitious period and then completely forget about it almost as it never happened.

I also feel so irritated and bored sometimes and find it really hard to find pleasure in my interests sometimes.I also feel inappropriate anger at myself and situations and tense all my muscles and feel like I’m going burst.

I also feel very numb and can’t remember specific parts of my life. I get so very down and suicidal but haven’t got the courage to do anything about it. Once my boss told me off and I had a plan to end my life but couldn’t follow through.

I think the worst thing about this is that people have no idea how I feel. I hide it so well and I think people who knew me would have such a shock if they read this

Thank you so Much If you have read this. I’m not sure why I wrote this. I know that there are many people struggling and don’t want to sound like I’m being over the top. Any advice would really be appreciated

Thank you.
 
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J

j2415p44

Member
Joined
Jul 4, 2017
Messages
16
#3
Hi- I’m sorry for all you are going through. There was also a point in my life that I used to compare myself to others. But comparing myself to others would either made me proud or become bitter. I used to please people and I want them to always think positively about me. But I learned through reading that I cannot please people. All I have to do is try my best, do the right thing and pray for the result.

Through prayers and encouragement from family and friends, I was able to overcome those negative emotions. I hope you will also feel the support by just being here in the forum. You are not alone so please be comfortable to share your feelings. You can try to consult with your primary physician and I hope you can have the help you need. I pray that you will also overcome the emotions you are going through right now. Take care.
 
G

guitar1991

Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2018
Messages
7
#4
Hi thank you for your kind message. I'm glad to here that you dont compare yourself to people anymore. i know how upsetting that can be! many thanks for your kind prayers as well :) . Some faith is exactly what i need at the moment. i have made arrangements to see my gp and thinking of writing a list of things which i think are having an impact down maybe. Just finding everything so difficult.
 
G

guitar1991

Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2018
Messages
7
#5
Hi thank you for your kind message. I'm glad to here that you dont compare yourself to people anymore. i know how upsetting that can be! many thanks for your kind prayers as well :) . Some faith is exactly what i need at the moment. i have made arrangements to see my gp and thinking of writing a list of things which i think are having an impact down maybe. Just finding everything so difficult all the time.
 
Z

Zweasel

Active member
Joined
Nov 5, 2018
Messages
26
#6
This sounds like a lot for anyone to deal with and I think it's important not to second guess yourself (i.e. to think you may be being over the top). If it's a big deal to you, having a big impact on your life, then it's definitely not over the top. Your feelings are valid!

I think as you say, writing these things down and trying to clearly explain to your GP would be a good next step! Good luck.
 

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