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WildfireV2

New member
Joined
Dec 17, 2014
Messages
2
Location
United Kingdom
Hi all,

I am new to the forums & have never really discussed my life over forums before, but as things are testing I figured this would be a good enough place to do it. I don't expect miracle answers, I think more is just trying to understand myself & my options in life from an outsider perspective, or maybe why I am thinking the way I do from a medical professionals perspective.

Anyway, I am 25 years old and a Graduate in Accounting from 2013. I had a spell of unemployment after graduation of around 15 months before finding my current job at a local Accountancy practice as a trainee accountant.

I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger, not trying hard enough in school, sort of coasting through each stage because I was always a bright kid, quick to pick things up & when I had my IQ mensa tested when I was in my early teens I believe it was 142, but that's more than likely irrelevant anyway. I chose to do a course when I was 18 at a university 3 hours way from home, living alone in a studio flat & well, it wasn't the right course for me & I left the next year after basically playing video games all year (Yep, VGs are my main "addiction")

I came home at 20 years old & got work after a few months at the local leisure centre as a lifeguard & reapplied for a local university where I chose to study accounting because I felt it would be the "safest" option for any future economic disasters & for moving countries. Essentially my main overriding aspiration in life was always to live in America, but that seems an impossibility now. I didn't really study a whole lot in my course, I suppose I was lazy to an extent, because I would play video games every night after classes, but honestly I get so much enjoyment out of them that I completely zone out & forget about any problems or whatever in real life, it has always been that way since I was young.

My 2nd year at university cost me the good grades I should have attained, I came out with a 2:2 but my 2nd year was an attendance of about 5%-10%, part of this was because I was accepted into an American university, & supposed to be studying there for the year, but difficulties with student finance processing Spanish documents (My dad lives in Spain) meant I missed my window, I often look back at that as my ultimate regret although my hands were tied, but still that year would have been the greatest thing I ever did.

So, I graduated with a so so degree, it has gotten me a job in what I thought I wanted, but after a month of working & being in the "real world" I have realised I hate it. If this is what life is going to be for the next however long, I refuse to accept it. I have lived with my grandparents since I was 16 & I gave up a lot of things in my early 20s by living with them, such as going partying , bringing women back (Which I don't do due to respect for them) and so on.

They are 70-75 & while I am grateful for them being able to help me for so long, I feel they might have allowed me to get away with too much, or have been part of the problem. They are not strict like my mums side of the family were (some military) growing up, & so I have been able to get away with mediocrity & coming home from university, playing video games & not studying further etc.

When I was younger we were poor, I am the oldest of 4 children, & we had it relatively rough, dealing with a lot of violence from my mum & what not, & while there are certain psychological scars left over no doubt, trust with women etc, I never felt like it held or would hold me back intellectually or in life.

That's enough backstory...

My current situation in life & the main reason I am here is the following...

Now I am 25, with a so-so degree, and the only "relevant" working experience is what I am building up now at this place. The people are friendly, the boss is understanding because it is a smaller firm & sure there are opportunities to become a chartered accountant as he is offering ACCA study to which I already have 9 exemptions.
However, the work absolutely bores me to death, I cannot imagine myself doing this for life or anything involved with the accounting side. Sometimes I think I should have done a computer science degree seen as I have a love for video games, but that's in the past. I have absolutely no clue what I want from life in terms of a career & I feel as though I am always trying to "catch up" or do "XYZ" by a certain age, I was not lucky enough to have a work passion at a younger age, & not knowing what I really want to do + the fact of being all of a sudden in working life is proving incredibly difficult for me right now.

I am fully aware there are worse situations to be in, & I get that, but psychologically I am not happy at all, I hate getting up every morning to go to work in an unfulfilling job, & I live for the weekend even though all I do at the weekend is chill out & play PS4. Gaming, as much as it is probably my addiction, and has probably held me back, is something I don't think I would ever "break", it was my safety zone as a kid & something I always enjoyed, even now when I play I get totally immersed. It doesn't help that I held a few world records & was featured on some livestreams by some developers which gave me that feeling of "success". I don't feel like I can truly enjoy the downtime I have in the weeknights though, because I am counting down the clock until I have to go to sleep and start it over. University was different, I am realising how much I miss it, or underappreciated it.

One thing I have been researching more and more is the IEC program for Canada, specifically Toronto. I have a friend who lives in Toronto with his partner who I have known for 6 years through gaming. He is not an educated guy or anything, but he is about 32 and lives his life each day at a time enjoying himself, still doing the younger 20 year old stuff & he is happy.

The IEC would give me 12 months out there, in a big city environment with many different cultures & what not, and also allow me to re-apply for another 12 months (So total 2 years). And now in my mind I cannot decide what I should do, whether it is worth the risk, whether I should do it even though I am 25 years old & should have XYZ career by now.

A big part of me feels like I have to do it.. even though the jobs I would be doing would be random as there is absolutely no guarantee of getting work in finance, I still feel as though living in a big city environment would benefit me & maybe give me some direction & happiness, and possibly help me figure out what my "calling is".

I live in a small town in the NW of the UK, very gloomy, always raining, not much going on, I don't go out because the town is a poor night out socialising due to it being full of little kids or old men, so every night I come home, video games are my outlet. I believe somewhat that the IEC could be beneficial to me, learning to live completely on my own away from the babying of my grandparents, learning to live with people my age & have an active social life with lots of things going on to distract me.

Someone told me wherever you go, there you are. Making me think that any psychological issues I may have, will not leave me, or that I will not become happy whether I am in a big multicultural city or in the small town I am currently in.

Also something I forgot was that doing the program, I would have a greater chance of meeting a woman & something which I do not do right now because I refuse to tie myself down to this hellhole town with possible kids, or mortgages or anything else, I have literally no ties. I want a relationship & to really experience all that on my own independent level, but I suppose I am afraid that if I did the IEC, & did not figure myself out or get a good enough job to stay there with permanent residency & had to fly back to the UK that things would be a lot different and even more difficult. I am always afraid of wasting years away, & if I was 27 returning to the UK with the possibility of no grandparents safety net anymore (who knows what could happen) then I fear I would have to reside to being stuck in the UK forever.

Anyway, that's probably enough already, Apologies for the sheer amount of volume of text, I didn't realise it was that much. There is much more I could have put, but its probably too much.

Any helps or guidance would be appreciated.
 
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Kerome

Kerome

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,750
Location
Europe
First off, welcome! And I'll just say I'm generally a big proponent of people doing what they enjoy, especially at work it's important to find some joy or worthiness in your job. After all you are doing it for eight hours a day, a lot of your life, so doing something you didn't enjoy would probably wear you down over time. But I wouldn't immediately drop accountancy... You've studied it, that's a lot of invested time and effort, and you might not get the chance to study another subject. You could try a sideways move into another area, I've seen a lot of accountants as financial managers at small companies, including gaming ones, or CFO's, or in banking.

But I would try and widen my interests, look at other things besides gaming and accountancy. This will help you find things that you DO enjoy. Maybe something physical like yoga, or artistic like painting. Both are good for your mental and physical health and will help you meet people as well. And who knows maybe another job will suggest itself.

Accountancy and moving country doesn't immediately strike me as a great combination, because the accounting rules vary from country to country, but perhaps I'm wrong. If you stick with accounting maybe that's something for the long term? Moving country does do things to your social circle and way of life, it's quite a big decision which you shouldn't take casually.

Most important thing is, 25 is not old, your young and can do some crazy things and still have plenty of time for a career. Don't let expectations of what you "should" have stress you out! Just take it easy and allow things to take care of themselves.
 
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WildfireV2

New member
Joined
Dec 17, 2014
Messages
2
Location
United Kingdom
Thanks for both replies & advice given so far.

Yes, while I acknowledge I am by no means in the worst situation in the world, I am still babied to some extent by my grandparents, which is infuriating but also a blessing because I absolutely would hate to be on my own in this town paying market price rent & all other bills incurred preventing me from saving money.

My problem is I am and always have been a serious "over thinker", because I am not stupid by any means, lazy I suppose is a justified term, although I have never been lazy because I have no hope or anything, it's more that I only put effort into things I really enjoyed & if I was lucky enough to find a career option like that, I would happily put the work in, because it wouldn't necessarily feel like work.

Yeah, the main thing for me right now is figuring out what I will do, which direction to take, what I enjoy, etc. I literally have no money right now, so I need a good 6-7 months of working in this hell and "dealing with it" then I will be absolutely ready to go for the Toronto thing, applications start in January & then once successful you basically decide when to leave the UK, so when you're financially set.

Living with two 70 year olds has had its bonuses, & also it's drawbacks. I feel I am well equipped and ready for pensioner life, especially as an avid gamer, however I feel I have missed out of a lot of youth experiences, and for me, the Toronto thing feels like an opportunity to really experience something I have longed. The hardest perception to change is that taking a risk like that for 2 years is "wasting time" or "stalling the inevitable".

I hope it gets easier in a bigger more vibrant environment with new friends and such, I have always found it easy to make friends quickly & network, it's just that in this town, I do not want to go out there & socialise with the type of people who are left here. It's more difficult now, working 9-5 bored, browsing the internet, then coming home, eating & getting on PS4 to relax & repeating 5 days a week.

I want a relationship, but I have always prevented it in this country because I always thought globally, not locally & felt I could get held back.

I know the problem lies with me & probably not where I live, but I have no idea how to change it, perception is not easily changed & I just believe that only a complete "throw myself in the deep end in a big foreign city" would really be effective, as well as completing a life long dream of getting to America (North America is close enough for now)
 
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maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
4,861
I like you wasted so much potential as I just never tried with school as I hated it. I did jobs to pay bills that i hated until that job destroyed me and i changed career completely.
If I was you take the opportunity to go Canada, you're still young, if you dont do it now when will you?! I'm still hopeing my escape will happen soon, cause if it doesn't then I never will and I'll get stuck back in that rut and regret it everyday. Good luck! :)
 
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