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Any Advice?

Merlin

Merlin

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2008
Messages
73
Hi folks, my daughter is getting really well and due to be discharged shortly. Trouble is the Child protection team had to be involved this time, ( I was abroad) flew home asap to get her help and take care of my grandson, now there's a big Care planning meeting due this Friday, and my girl is expected to attend, I'm worried it's going to be to stressful for her.. They are planning a "staged" return for my grandson, which is okay, (though I'm sure he would be fine to go back to his Mum) but I understand the concerns, she has never harmed him, just wasn't as responsible during the episode. ( before I got home) She has a choice of attending or writing a letter? Do you think it would go against her if she didn't attend? they might think if she cant handle the stress of a meeting how will she manage a five yr old? Then again I don't want anything to interfere with her recovery, she's doing so well. What do you all think?
 
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patti

New member
Joined
May 18, 2009
Messages
3
Dear Merlin,

I understand how difficult this is. We have had the child protection service involved as well due to my husband who also suffers with Bipolar Disorder.
I understand it could be difficult for your daughter however she will need to demonstrate that she can to a certain extent deal with stress and show willing to work with them to make sure that your grandson is receiving the best possible care. The only thing you can do is support your daughter through all of this and it sounds like you are doing exactly that.

Keep up the good work and hope everything works out.

Patti:)
 
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Dollit

Guest
Perhaps your daughter could write a letter and bring it with her just in case it gets too much for her emotionally. That way she could attend but still be heard and still show that she just wants her child home. The care planning meeting should be quite calm and centred upon her and her needs. It's a big hurdle but you can do it as a family.
 
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scooby1001

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
May 28, 2008
Messages
64
Who is caring for your daughters son at the moment? I had social services involved with my daughter but thankfully never got as far as a care meeting as she is living with my parents. A SW just went round to see her at home with my parents and was happy with her staying there so they closed the case. Does your daughter WANT to go to the meeting. I think that you need to think if she is up to the stress of it. I hope it all goes well for her. I am missing my daughter who has now been living with my parents for over 6 months now and still the Pdoc/CPN won't let me have her back. Good luck.
 
Merlin

Merlin

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Joined
Dec 26, 2008
Messages
73
Sorry folks... I should have been clearer, my Grandson is with us, and can stay with us for as long as need's be. My girl accept's she's not quite well enough yet to have him home full time, ( marriage break up involved here as well), But hopefully with everyone's help/support he can go home to Mummy in the not to distant future. Meeting's on Friday folks... I think the letter's a good idea, thank- you... fingers crossed. and for all of you, and your children.
 
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scooby1001

Well-known member
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Joined
May 28, 2008
Messages
64
Thank goodness for grandparents, what would we do without you. My parents have been brillient having my daughter but it seems so long before i can have her back. Hopefully she will be back by september. How long have you had your grandson? I am thankful i did not have to have a meeting. They just visited at my parents. They did not even speak to me.
 
Merlin

Merlin

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Joined
Dec 26, 2008
Messages
73
Scooby, We have had our grandson for nearly three months, and been visited regularly by his Social Worker, who in all fairness is very good, our daughter was very poorly for two months, and is only allowed supervised access at the moment, the meeting on Friday is to "look to the future". good luck to you and your daughter, stay positive.
 
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scooby1001

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
May 28, 2008
Messages
64
merlin. Things must work differently in different parts of the country. My daughter has been with my parents for 6 months so far but she does come and see me regularly which is good. Hope all goes well for your daughter.
 
Merlin

Merlin

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Dec 26, 2008
Messages
73
We are on the South coast Scooby. September will be here before you know it. xxx Then you will both have Christmas to look forward to.
 
Merlin

Merlin

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Joined
Dec 26, 2008
Messages
73
Well the meeting went okay, apart from my daughter and her husband snipping at each other!! ( they are separated at present... her choice) .. I spoke in her favour, to be able to see her son, with us supervising instead of a Social Worker...... Great? well that's what we thought till to-day, we've just found out her new boyfriend is a "smack" addict? I'm right in thinking that's Heroin? Where do we go from here.
She is being discharged from the hospital next week, with us having to pay six months rent in advance on a property for her, now my husband and I are thinking it may be a mistake paying it for her.
 
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scooby1001

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Founding Member
Joined
May 28, 2008
Messages
64
Merlin. Rather than you having to pay 6 months rent in advance for your daughter have you tried the local council. They would have to house her if she was homeless especially if she has children and mental health problems. Does not sound good about the boyfriend> That will go against her getting her child/ren back if she is involved with someone like that and SS get wind of it. My advice would be to fill in a homeless application to the council(even if the council say that they won't help her as they can't say that untill they have had a homeless application and looked at it. They do their best to put people off) I hope that your daughter carries on getting better and gets her child/ren back soon.
 
Merlin

Merlin

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Joined
Dec 26, 2008
Messages
73
Merlin. Rather than you having to pay 6 months rent in advance for your daughter have you tried the local council. They would have to house her if she was homeless especially if she has children and mental health problems. Does not sound good about the boyfriend> That will go against her getting her child/ren back if she is involved with someone like that and SS get wind of it. My advice would be to fill in a homeless application to the council(even if the council say that they won't help her as they can't say that untill they have had a homeless application and looked at it. They do their best to put people off) I hope that your daughter carries on getting better and gets her child/ren back soon.
Scooby the council wont help, as she is already on the tenancy of the former marital home, and her husband is staying there,( as he has to have somewhere for their son to visit) so we helped her find a private rental, but the thought of it turning in to some drug den, could mean we would loose all our money.... I am so dissapointed in all the lies, as we have found out she is still drinking.......... dose she not want her son back?
 
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Dollit

Guest
Merlin - she can see her son with you supervising which surely means that if you're not happy with who she turns up with you can turn them away.

If you've paid 6 months rent she at least has somewhere to live and where you know she is. The trouble with going to the Council and declaring homelessness even with children is that they will still place you in bed and breakfast until suitable accommodation is available - and that means anywhere with a roof and the required amount of bedrooms.

I'd be extremely cautious about letting a child live in an environment with a using or recently stopped heroin addict. Do you have legal guardianship over your grandson?
 
Merlin

Merlin

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2008
Messages
73
Merlin - she can see her son with you supervising which surely means that if you're not happy with who she turns up with you can turn them away.

If you've paid 6 months rent she at least has somewhere to live and where you know she is. The trouble with going to the Council and declaring homelessness even with children is that they will still place you in bed and breakfast until suitable accommodation is available - and that means anywhere with a roof and the required amount of bedrooms.

I'd be extremely cautious about letting a child live in an environment with a using or recently stopped heroin addict. Do you have legal guardianship over your grandson?

We haven't paid the rent yet, taking it in Tuesday, but are both having serious doubts, as we thought she was doing really well, and it turns out to be all lies, yes my grandson lives with us, Social Services and the Child Protection Police are pushing us to go for a Residency order, but we wanted to give her a chance........Her husband want's us to go for a residency order to?
 
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Dollit

Guest
If the agencies and her husband want you to go for a residency order then that's quite a strong indicator that they feel your grandson will be safer with you. If it was me, that would be the route that I would take. That gives you a strong position in law.

Perhaps this is the time to practise tough love. Tough love is hard all round but it is sometimes the only way forward. If she's setting up home with a using addict and she's still drinking she is far from ready to have a child in her life and he will never be ready to witness the things he could witness and that's without the chance he will be exposed to very dangerous substances.

She has to prove sobriety and demonstrate clearly that she understands her responsibilities and she's not doing either. Morally, I feel it would be wrong to give her a chance to have a child living with her at the moment.
 
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