Any Advice?

Merlin

Merlin

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#1
Hi folks, my daughter is getting really well and due to be discharged shortly. Trouble is the Child protection team had to be involved this time, ( I was abroad) flew home asap to get her help and take care of my grandson, now there's a big Care planning meeting due this Friday, and my girl is expected to attend, I'm worried it's going to be to stressful for her.. They are planning a "staged" return for my grandson, which is okay, (though I'm sure he would be fine to go back to his Mum) but I understand the concerns, she has never harmed him, just wasn't as responsible during the episode. ( before I got home) She has a choice of attending or writing a letter? Do you think it would go against her if she didn't attend? they might think if she cant handle the stress of a meeting how will she manage a five yr old? Then again I don't want anything to interfere with her recovery, she's doing so well. What do you all think?
 
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patti

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#2
Dear Merlin,

I understand how difficult this is. We have had the child protection service involved as well due to my husband who also suffers with Bipolar Disorder.
I understand it could be difficult for your daughter however she will need to demonstrate that she can to a certain extent deal with stress and show willing to work with them to make sure that your grandson is receiving the best possible care. The only thing you can do is support your daughter through all of this and it sounds like you are doing exactly that.

Keep up the good work and hope everything works out.

Patti:)
 
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Dollit

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#3
Perhaps your daughter could write a letter and bring it with her just in case it gets too much for her emotionally. That way she could attend but still be heard and still show that she just wants her child home. The care planning meeting should be quite calm and centred upon her and her needs. It's a big hurdle but you can do it as a family.
 
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scooby1001

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#4
Who is caring for your daughters son at the moment? I had social services involved with my daughter but thankfully never got as far as a care meeting as she is living with my parents. A SW just went round to see her at home with my parents and was happy with her staying there so they closed the case. Does your daughter WANT to go to the meeting. I think that you need to think if she is up to the stress of it. I hope it all goes well for her. I am missing my daughter who has now been living with my parents for over 6 months now and still the Pdoc/CPN won't let me have her back. Good luck.
 
Merlin

Merlin

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#5
Sorry folks... I should have been clearer, my Grandson is with us, and can stay with us for as long as need's be. My girl accept's she's not quite well enough yet to have him home full time, ( marriage break up involved here as well), But hopefully with everyone's help/support he can go home to Mummy in the not to distant future. Meeting's on Friday folks... I think the letter's a good idea, thank- you... fingers crossed. and for all of you, and your children.
 
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scooby1001

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#6
Thank goodness for grandparents, what would we do without you. My parents have been brillient having my daughter but it seems so long before i can have her back. Hopefully she will be back by september. How long have you had your grandson? I am thankful i did not have to have a meeting. They just visited at my parents. They did not even speak to me.
 
Merlin

Merlin

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#7
Scooby, We have had our grandson for nearly three months, and been visited regularly by his Social Worker, who in all fairness is very good, our daughter was very poorly for two months, and is only allowed supervised access at the moment, the meeting on Friday is to "look to the future". good luck to you and your daughter, stay positive.
 
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scooby1001

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#8
merlin. Things must work differently in different parts of the country. My daughter has been with my parents for 6 months so far but she does come and see me regularly which is good. Hope all goes well for your daughter.
 
Merlin

Merlin

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#9
We are on the South coast Scooby. September will be here before you know it. xxx Then you will both have Christmas to look forward to.
 
Merlin

Merlin

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#10
Well the meeting went okay, apart from my daughter and her husband snipping at each other!! ( they are separated at present... her choice) .. I spoke in her favour, to be able to see her son, with us supervising instead of a Social Worker...... Great? well that's what we thought till to-day, we've just found out her new boyfriend is a "smack" addict? I'm right in thinking that's Heroin? Where do we go from here.
She is being discharged from the hospital next week, with us having to pay six months rent in advance on a property for her, now my husband and I are thinking it may be a mistake paying it for her.
 
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scooby1001

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#11
Merlin. Rather than you having to pay 6 months rent in advance for your daughter have you tried the local council. They would have to house her if she was homeless especially if she has children and mental health problems. Does not sound good about the boyfriend> That will go against her getting her child/ren back if she is involved with someone like that and SS get wind of it. My advice would be to fill in a homeless application to the council(even if the council say that they won't help her as they can't say that untill they have had a homeless application and looked at it. They do their best to put people off) I hope that your daughter carries on getting better and gets her child/ren back soon.
 
Merlin

Merlin

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#12
Merlin. Rather than you having to pay 6 months rent in advance for your daughter have you tried the local council. They would have to house her if she was homeless especially if she has children and mental health problems. Does not sound good about the boyfriend> That will go against her getting her child/ren back if she is involved with someone like that and SS get wind of it. My advice would be to fill in a homeless application to the council(even if the council say that they won't help her as they can't say that untill they have had a homeless application and looked at it. They do their best to put people off) I hope that your daughter carries on getting better and gets her child/ren back soon.
Scooby the council wont help, as she is already on the tenancy of the former marital home, and her husband is staying there,( as he has to have somewhere for their son to visit) so we helped her find a private rental, but the thought of it turning in to some drug den, could mean we would loose all our money.... I am so dissapointed in all the lies, as we have found out she is still drinking.......... dose she not want her son back?
 
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Dollit

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#13
Merlin - she can see her son with you supervising which surely means that if you're not happy with who she turns up with you can turn them away.

If you've paid 6 months rent she at least has somewhere to live and where you know she is. The trouble with going to the Council and declaring homelessness even with children is that they will still place you in bed and breakfast until suitable accommodation is available - and that means anywhere with a roof and the required amount of bedrooms.

I'd be extremely cautious about letting a child live in an environment with a using or recently stopped heroin addict. Do you have legal guardianship over your grandson?
 
Merlin

Merlin

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#14
Merlin - she can see her son with you supervising which surely means that if you're not happy with who she turns up with you can turn them away.

If you've paid 6 months rent she at least has somewhere to live and where you know she is. The trouble with going to the Council and declaring homelessness even with children is that they will still place you in bed and breakfast until suitable accommodation is available - and that means anywhere with a roof and the required amount of bedrooms.

I'd be extremely cautious about letting a child live in an environment with a using or recently stopped heroin addict. Do you have legal guardianship over your grandson?

We haven't paid the rent yet, taking it in Tuesday, but are both having serious doubts, as we thought she was doing really well, and it turns out to be all lies, yes my grandson lives with us, Social Services and the Child Protection Police are pushing us to go for a Residency order, but we wanted to give her a chance........Her husband want's us to go for a residency order to?
 
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Dollit

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#15
If the agencies and her husband want you to go for a residency order then that's quite a strong indicator that they feel your grandson will be safer with you. If it was me, that would be the route that I would take. That gives you a strong position in law.

Perhaps this is the time to practise tough love. Tough love is hard all round but it is sometimes the only way forward. If she's setting up home with a using addict and she's still drinking she is far from ready to have a child in her life and he will never be ready to witness the things he could witness and that's without the chance he will be exposed to very dangerous substances.

She has to prove sobriety and demonstrate clearly that she understands her responsibilities and she's not doing either. Morally, I feel it would be wrong to give her a chance to have a child living with her at the moment.
 
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scooby1001

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#16
I am sorry for all the problems you are having with your daughter. You need to sit her down and tell her your worries explaining that if she wants her son back she needs to step up to the plate and do the right thing. As for the tennency with her husband if she is going to be having the child back with her and he is only have the child part-time then she should move back into the mariartal home and look into having him move out. I think it would be a big mistake for you to spend so much money on a private let when she is not helping herself especially as it is her that would be intitled to stay in the home and not her husband. Can she move in with you for a while, while she is getting better and you can help her build up her relationship with her son under your guildance, at least that way you will be able to have a bit more control.
 
Merlin

Merlin

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#17
Hiya Folks, sorry Iv'e not replied any earlier. We visited my daughter in the hospital, just after my last post, and made it very clear, if she helped herself, we would help her... If she chose another route we would withdraw support and go for Residency of our grandson... Wow it had the effect we hoped, she hasn't been in a pub since ( don't think she is dependant, just trying to deal with things the wrong way)and the new man friend was kicked into touch immediately.
So we went ahead with the rental, and I can see daily improvements. The only thing we have to sort now is benefits, as her husband is refusing to pay her anything, ( he's hoping she will go back to him...... I hope she wont) Iv'e helped her with the housing forms... does anyone know what else she will be eligible for? Thanks so much .... you lot really have been a godsend over the last few months..I'm sure we're not out of the woods yet........... but at last I can see a clearing.
 
schizolanza

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#18
Hi Merlin.
If you dont mind me asking,how do you know your daughter's boyfriend is a heroin addict?
 
schizolanza

schizolanza

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#19
Cancel that.It doesn't really matter as he's not involved anymore.
I hope everything works out well for you,your daughter and your Grandson.
 
Merlin

Merlin

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#20
Hi Merlin.
If you dont mind me asking,how do you know your daughter's boyfriend is a heroin addict?
Hi Olanza, he wasn't a boyfriend as such, someone she met while she was in a local unit, recovering from a long pyhscotic episode.... I had no real evidence, just a tip off from a very helpful "boy in blue" she only saw him two or three times, but as she was being rather extravagant with what was left of her grandad's inheritence......(And i'm a cynical old woman!!!)
 

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