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Any advice for someone with trust issues?

L

LostGirl1987

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Oct 19, 2020
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United Kingdom
So I was wondering if anyone had any advice or similar experiences with severe trust issues? I have a really hard time trusting the people closest to me because of a past experience where my boyfriend and best friend betrayed me. He cheated on me with her which basically resulted in months of manipulation, lies, toxicity etc and it's something I still struggle with to this day. This happened two years ago however since then I've made new friends, relationships etc however because of the trust issues caused by the previous experience, I always have a crippling fear that they're going to hurt or betray me. There's only so many times I can ask my friends for reassurance before I just end up sabotaging these new relationships. I try to have faith in the people around me but I struggle to trust even my own family at times. So I was just wondering if anyone had any helpful tips on coping with/overcoming these trust issues? I see a counsellor on a weekly basis however I feel like I still need that bit of extra help, so any advice would be much appreciated :)
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

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I have trust issues too. I have a small circle of people that I trust for the most part. I don't have any advice ,sorry, but look forward to hearing the advice others might give here.
 
miss_sensitivity

miss_sensitivity

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I have had similar experiences that have resulted in huge trust issues too. It's really good you're speaking with a counsellor and I hope you find them useful. I have had to do a lot of work on this through counselling. Ways to cope in the moment I have found useful, is breaking down what I know are facts and what I'm only concluding in my head. Talking to the person usually alleviates the distrust that I may be experiencing from past triggers. The biggest thing to help me though was doing work around healing those old wounds. Forgiving what has happened in the past and remembering that these are new people, new situations. I still have a lot of trust issues coming up from time to time but over time it is slowly becoming more manageable. I don't know if that will help you, but I guess I just want to say keep working on this because you can find trust and peace of mind again. Also, like @Signofthetimes said, I also have a smaller circle of people these days, but it is a GOOD circle which is worth everything.
 
Hardknocks88

Hardknocks88

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With trust issues try to lean more towards reason than emotion when it comes to friendships and relationships. This can be a challenge but just try your best. good to have a small circle of trusted friends. who wants a ton of friends you dont trust when it will cause too much drama and problems?
 
L

LostGirl1987

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Oct 19, 2020
Messages
225
Location
United Kingdom
I have had similar experiences that have resulted in huge trust issues too. It's really good you're speaking with a counsellor and I hope you find them useful. I have had to do a lot of work on this through counselling. Ways to cope in the moment I have found useful, is breaking down what I know are facts and what I'm only concluding in my head. Talking to the person usually alleviates the distrust that I may be experiencing from past triggers. The biggest thing to help me though was doing work around healing those old wounds. Forgiving what has happened in the past and remembering that these are new people, new situations. I still have a lot of trust issues coming up from time to time but over time it is slowly becoming more manageable. I don't know if that will help you, but I guess I just want to say keep working on this because you can find trust and peace of mind again. Also, like @Signofthetimes said, I also have a smaller circle of people these days, but it is a GOOD circle which is worth everything.
Hey thank you so much 😊 I agree that forgiving the past is probably the way forward, although I must admit I’ve always had a problem with that, if there’s one thing I’m good at it’s holding a grudge, but it’s probably time to let go of that now. I try to rationalise everything in my head wherever I can, but my brain always comes up with these what if scenarios 😣 focusing on the stuff I actually know about the situation rather than the stuff I catastrophise in my head definitely does help. I’m also seeing my counsellor this evening so that should help me feel better.
 
L

LostGirl1987

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
225
Location
United Kingdom
With trust issues try to lean more towards reason than emotion when it comes to friendships and relationships. This can be a challenge but just try your best. good to have a small circle of trusted friends. who wants a ton of friends you dont trust when it will cause too much drama and problems?
Yeah I agree, focusing on reason is probably the best way forward. I’m seeing my counsellor tonight as well so that will help I’m sure. Thank you so much 😊
 
miss_sensitivity

miss_sensitivity

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I try to rationalise everything in my head wherever I can, but my brain always comes up with these what if scenarios 😣
I totally get this, and I do it too. It's easy to say and know we need to rationalise things, but putting it into action sometimes is a whole other story!
 
L

LostGirl1987

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Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
225
Location
United Kingdom
I totally get this, and I do it too. It's easy to say and know we need to rationalise things, but putting it into action sometimes is a whole other story!
Yeah it’s definitely difficult, some days are harder than others though.
 
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