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Anxious Preoccupied and not giving in..



New member
Nov 14, 2014
I am one of those anxious preoccupied people.
I am also fully aware of it in the full sense. I know how it works, and how it effects me. But the feelings are still there.

I am in school to be a therapist. But thinking I can solve all my own problems is naive so I have come here.

My life and relationships also complicate this a bit more.

As I am poly and have multiple romantic relationships at a time.

But thats aside from the point. Even if I was with one person. or alone. I would still do these behaviors.

I guess one main question I have come to ask which I cant seem to find answered is this.

All the books I have read say communicate with your partner to get your needs met and to not participate in protest behaviors.

This is dandy..

However, by circuming to the process of getting ones needs met involves protest behaviors.
For instance.

If one is AP and to feel secure they need more communication through the day, that is essentially giving in to a protest behavior in advance. Its opening the door for more and more avenues of control. Rather than giving up control. Its a continuation of using the realtionship like a crutch.

i am wondering if anyone has simply waited it out.

As in. Stopped completely giving in to their protest behaviors and found any solution in that.

For example. When i dont get a lot of texts from a partner I am dating my first reaction emotionally is to think they dont want to be with me anymore. I know this sounds insane but it feels rational to me emotionally. If I gain their attention, all the feelings go away. By contacting them over and over im reinforcing that the way to feel safe is to reinforce an unsafe belief.

has anyone just totally stopped giving into their protest behaviors completely? has it worked out well at all?


New member
Nov 14, 2014
I guess the prevailing issues is always placing the variation upon someone else.
It would be best to be able to become our own attachment figures


Nov 1, 2014
Welcome to the forum f33db4ck, :)
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