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Anxious extrovert real- the online part...and some irl

AnxiousE

AnxiousE

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 8, 2020
Messages
504
Location
USA
Hey all!
Yeah, I'm back sooner than I expected/had hoped. I got very sick yesterday and had to skip out on the weekend trip. I'm posting this in this section because it ties into the online anxiety a little bit. And my internet addiction. Been online too much lately and between that and poor eating habits (do I have a binge eating disorder?) But yeah, extrovert online I tend to talk too much which causes more anxiety and more time online (then again, I'm also online a lot due to boredom...). Not exactly sure what I'm trying to say, just that as much as I crave attention, I also have to be careful with my habits getting out of hand. I suppose I have poor impulse control. What would that be considered? Some sort of OCD? I'm not sure. I guess I'm just very obsessed with trying to figure myself out as well as my relationships. (Things at home are often tense too). Please don't just tell me I need therapy. I probably do, but right now that will bring up more issues. I dunno. All I know is I need to learn to take care of myself. And I guess the scariest part (and this is actually "in real life stuff") Is that my husband takes care of me a lot. I mean that I'm completely dependant on him. My worst fear is him dying before me. I can't imagine myself surviving. I'd have to find someone else to care for me and I'm not sure how easy that will be....so do I think of dying? Yes. I just really hope it never comes to this, that I'm ever alone. Oh it makes me sick and sad to think about. *tears
Oh man! Now I just feel like sleeping again. I'm still recovering from the sickness and too much excitement wears me out. :/
 
ReverieAnxiety

ReverieAnxiety

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
684
Location
California, USA
Hi E!
Omgoodness...I did not know I clicked on your post. I will respond when I'm able to reas everything lol. Just know that I got your back girl.
 
ReverieAnxiety

ReverieAnxiety

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
684
Location
California, USA
Hi E!

It sounds like you're stressing a lot!

It does sound like you have OCD. May I ask why you do not want to see a therapist? I was pretty resistant to seeing one because I thought that I could get better on my own. I'm just so surprised at how much I have progressed (and I just started sometimes around last August!) I understand that therapy sounds unattractive, but I believe that the sooner one seeks treatment, the sooner one can feel better. Just remember, the you determine how much you want to share in therapy and you open up to your therapist at your own pace.

I used to think that I had to know everything about me...a past mentor of mines used to tell me that "You don't have to have everything figured out" and it's so true! It's ok to not know! I try not to stress about "knowing me" and I hope that as I enjoy myself, I will eventually learn more about me.

Your husband is very kind! I have the same fear as you when it comes to independence. I'm lucky that I'm able to take care of myself. My fiance definitely make things easier though. Is there something that you can do at home that helps you feel a little more independent? Have you thought of online jobs? Selling arts and craft online?

I hope you're feeling a little better now!
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 8, 2020
Messages
504
Location
USA
Still a bit under the weather. It's kindof complicated why I'm hesitant about therapy. Also, I don't know if theres much else i can do on my own to feel more independent because my physical ailments deny me the ability which feeds into my fear of who would take care of me if he were gone. It's sad and tiring and I just try to get by everyday on faith that it will work itself out.
 
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