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anxious extrovert in real life vs online life

AnxiousE

AnxiousE

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So yeah. Probably not an uncommon thing to be more socially outgoing online than in real life, but for an extrovert, online life can be so much fun! In real life, not so much.

I crave the interaction with other people. It gives me life! It gives me purpose! But it's emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting when you're self conscious the whole time. And you keep getting these doubts in your head that you shouldn't say this or shouldn't say that, but what ends up happening is you say something completely dumb! Or you just go mute and people think you're being rude.

I can relate a lot more with introverts due to my social anxiety, but oftentimes scare them away because I need the energy of a good conversation and it's too much for them. I also like other extroverts, because they can feed me that energy, but more often than not, they don't give me a chance to speak or wait for me to respond (because see, anxious me needs all that extra time to decide whether what I'm going to say is good or not).

Online is different because you can take time to form your responses. And my mind works much faster than my typing, especially on a mobile device. So it can be a lot of fun. However, it can also create different kinds of anxiety... I'm not prepared to talk about this part. I'd rather not reveal too much of my insecurities about online chatting because that just contradicts my safe space mentality. I truly do feel this is a safe space for talking about our struggles with mental health, but I can get more worked up if I dwell on certain things, so I take a step back.

Sigh! Such is the life of AnxiousE! :p
 
PerpetuallyStuck

PerpetuallyStuck

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I crave the interaction with other people. It gives me life! It gives me purpose! But it's emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting when you're self conscious the whole time.

I can relate a lot more with introverts due to my social anxiety, but oftentimes scare them away because I need the energy of a good conversation and it's too much for them. I also like other extroverts, because they can feed me that energy, but more often than not, they don't give me a chance to speak or wait for me to respond (because see, anxious me needs all that extra time to decide whether what I'm going to say is good or not).
I sometimes have the pang of loneliness and the need to socialise. It is kind of like feeling the need to eat food you haven't had for a while, or to listen to music or something of that nature. To mix things up a bit from the same routine.

The trouble is that, I feel the same problem, like I put people off but wanting good conversation. It seems to ward off potential social opportunity. That and being fairly well spoken. I don't like to judge others or make them feel uncomfortable, but I think some people could feel intimidated by anyone they perceive as having a reasonable amount of intelligence. I worry about "scaring people off".

I'm an introvert, but I've known extroverts, and have been able to keep conversation with them. There is such a thing as an ambivert (someone who has traits of both of them). I don't like going out, and suffer with anxiety, but I do have conversational ability and can be outspoken/loud at times.
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

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Location
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I sometimes have the pang of loneliness and the need to socialise. It is kind of like feeling the need to eat food you haven't had for a while, or to listen to music or something of that nature. To mix things up a bit from the same routine.

The trouble is that, I feel the same problem, like I put people off but wanting good conversation. It seems to ward off potential social opportunity. That and being fairly well spoken. I don't like to judge others or make them feel uncomfortable, but I think some people could feel intimidated by anyone they perceive as having a reasonable amount of intelligence. I worry about "scaring people off".

I'm an introvert, but I've known extroverts, and have been able to keep conversation with them. There is such a thing as an ambivert (someone who has traits of both of them). I don't like going out, and suffer with anxiety, but I do have conversational ability and can be outspoken/loud at times.
I apologize for not getting to this sooner. Been a bit worn down today t bh. And I'm just feeling kind of at a loss for words to be honest. Lol I mean, not anything you said. My brain is just tired. I did want to say that I did not know of the term ambivert. I've actually often felt and said that I'm a bit of both, so this could be more me, but my therapist explained the energy thing and called me an extrovert. Anyway, yeah, I am also a deep thinker, she said. Most people dont feel comfortable talking about things like that for too long. I think I can understand that, but can still hold on to deeper conversations for longer. Or maybe it's that I'm like an open book, sort of. I'm discreet, but I'm not shy...anyway, im probably rambling right now. :p And as I said, I can understand why some might struggle holding onto those deeper thinking talks, because sometimes you just have to goof around and play games, right?? I'm not sure if I'm even talking about the same things or making much sense right now, so I apologize if I'm way off. Lol Thanks for replying though!
 
PerpetuallyStuck

PerpetuallyStuck

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I apologize for not getting to this sooner. Been a bit worn down today t bh. And I'm just feeling kind of at a loss for words to be honest. Lol I mean, not anything you said. My brain is just tired.

sometimes you just have to goof around and play games, right?? I'm not sure if I'm even talking about the same things or making much sense right now, so I apologize if I'm way off. Lol Thanks for replying though!
It's understandable. I get worn down and find it hard to even log in sometimes. It is easy for our minds to go blank due to the stress and strains of life, and mental health issues.

I can mess around, but I feel that in general society messes around too much. I've always been serious, but with a sarcastic sort of humour. It's easy to chill out with the right people, but there are always those who try to become centre of attention and want to move on to different more uncomfortable places and situations. Going out of my comfort zone is overwhelming. It just seems as if people want to push boundaries all the time. Never content.

I've no idea how my tendencies come accross online. I mean, my post count is relatively high for the duration of time I've been registered. I've participated in a fair amount of posts. I still get incredibly anxious. I kind of use online socialising as an alternative for offline. It's no substitute.
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

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Location
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It's understandable. I get worn down and find it hard to even log in sometimes. It is easy for our minds to go blank due to the stress and strains of life, and mental health issues.

I can mess around, but I feel that in general society messes around too much. I've always been serious, but with a sarcastic sort of humour. It's easy to chill out with the right people, but there are always those who try to become centre of attention and want to move on to different more uncomfortable places and situations. Going out of my comfort zone is overwhelming. It just seems as if people want to push boundaries all the time. Never content.

I've no idea how my tendencies come accross online. I mean, my post count is relatively high for the duration of time I've been registered. I've participated in a fair amount of posts. I still get incredibly anxious. I kind of use online socialising as an alternative for offline. It's no substitute.
great post!

the only difference is that I've tried to eliminate that sarcastic side to me. I mean, I still use it occasionally. I get why. It's just, it's pretty painful for me, not only listening to others' sarcasm, but even my own. I mean, it's negative thinking essentially, and I really try not to get sucked into that. It's really hard for me to have a relationship with this one family member in particular because of this. It's a shame too, because I love her and share similar interests.

But I know what you mean the center of attention. Ironically, I was wrongfully accused of this in one group when I was just being myself though. I hated being compared to that!...except, maybe there is some truth to it. Not that I believe everyone should focus on me. I just mean that I want at least equal contribution and not pushed away because I think the over-the-top silliness is well, over-the-top. hehe (annoying)

And boy oh boy! lol You hit the nail on the head with the post count thing. heheh I mean, I'm the same way! And I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but I was also made to feel bad about this online "too much" stuff. (yeah, I've some serious post trauma...but this forum has been a great place for me. Long may it last!)

I too used online as a substitute, but as I said elsewhere recently, I also use this socializing as practice for offline communicating. You're right, it's not the same, but it's similar. Hard to put into words at the moment.

But back to your first point, I think I'm experiencing a bit of forum fatigue. I can only do so much at once right now. But I've also a lot of other stuff going on too...at least in my mind anyway. :p I think that is why mindless games are good...but even games can make me think too much and I just need to shut off completely. bleh! lol

Nice chatting with you!
 
PerpetuallyStuck

PerpetuallyStuck

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I've tried to eliminate that sarcastic side to me.

it's negative thinking essentially, and I really try not to get sucked into that.

But I know what you mean the center of attention. Ironically, I was wrongfully accused of this in one group when I was just being myself though. I hated being compared to that!...except, maybe there is some truth to it. Not that I believe everyone should focus on me. I just mean that I want at least equal contribution and not pushed away because I think the over-the-top silliness is well, over-the-top. hehe (annoying)

And boy oh boy! lol You hit the nail on the head with the post count thing. heheh I mean, I'm the same way! And I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but I was also made to feel bad about this online "too much" stuff. (yeah, I've some serious post trauma...but this forum has been a great place for me. Long may it last!)

I too used online as a substitute, but as I said elsewhere recently, I also use this socializing as practice for offline communicating. You're right, it's not the same, but it's similar. Hard to put into words at the moment.

But back to your first point, I think I'm experiencing a bit of forum fatigue. I can only do so much at once right now. But I've also a lot of other stuff going on too...at least in my mind anyway. :p I think that is why mindless games are good...but even games can make me think too much and I just need to shut off completely. bleh! lol

Nice chatting with you!
I think that other people can misinterpret what we mean with our sarcasm. I mean, it is usually self deprecating when I use it, or in a friendly joking way with other people. It pains me when people I know well cannot understand what I am meaning. It is subtle humour. Sure it has negative connotations, but there are popular comedians who act like that. People seem to either get it or they really don't.

There have been occasions like with an anxiety group I attended, the person running it was getting tetchy with me because he thought I was talking too much about my times of success when I was back in college, and using "I" too much. The thing is that I wanted to contribute to conversation and only had a small amount of social succcess in life, and that was my only point of reference. If i didn't talk about that, I'd have had nothing to contribute to the conversation.

It can be ridiculous when people act as if I'm trying to take control and have too much importance in a social situation. If they actually knew me, they'd know how considerate I am, and how much empathy and understanding I have for others. Whenever there is a group, I try to make people feel welcome and valued. Not many people bother to make me feel comfortable or included, but I have the tendency to help out others. It's like it's built in to my personality. I think that anyone who doesn't like us having attention is just being competitive and wants to be centre of attention themself. I had a friend once who was visibly frustrated if I had people showing interest in me more than him. He'd basically sulk because of it, and saw me as a threat to his social status. I saw him as an equal, although he became really outgoing and started to brag a lot so I couldn't stand continuing the friendship.

If you are online and it makes you feel good, then that's great. It can be addictive. I'm sorry to hear you were made to feel bad about being online or posting "too much". I think that it is better to be really active than not at all. In a place like this, people are really inhibited, it isn't easy being part of a social group where there is an eery lack of atmosphere. I've been in situations in real life groups where I was the one doing all the talking. It is a strange sensation because I don't like having to lead and have the focus, yet I am capable of it. It feels like if I have too much social contact, that means I'm bad in some way and taking something away from others.

Perhaps online communication keeps the mind sharp, so even though it isn't proper socialising, at least we may be more ready in situations because we are used to conversations.

I hope that you can relax a bit. I feel guilty writing such long responses and clicking reply (you get the notification, then feel the need to have to respond or acknowledge in some way) I know the feeling. It's great that you said it was nice chatting with me. It means a lot. I have felt really detached from people in general and you seem to be able to have in depth conversations. It's a fantastic quality. It's why we get drained, but it is important. I think it helps mental health being able to have proper chats. If you don't feel up to responding, I understand. You need to do what is best for you, and I hope things improve.
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 8, 2020
Messages
3,181
Location
USA
I think that other people can misinterpret what we mean with our sarcasm. I mean, it is usually self deprecating when I use it, or in a friendly joking way with other people. It pains me when people I know well cannot understand what I am meaning. It is subtle humour. Sure it has negative connotations, but there are popular comedians who act like that. People seem to either get it or they really don't.

There have been occasions like with an anxiety group I attended, the person running it was getting tetchy with me because he thought I was talking too much about my times of success when I was back in college, and using "I" too much. The thing is that I wanted to contribute to conversation and only had a small amount of social succcess in life, and that was my only point of reference. If i didn't talk about that, I'd have had nothing to contribute to the conversation.

It can be ridiculous when people act as if I'm trying to take control and have too much importance in a social situation. If they actually knew me, they'd know how considerate I am, and how much empathy and understanding I have for others. Whenever there is a group, I try to make people feel welcome and valued. Not many people bother to make me feel comfortable or included, but I have the tendency to help out others. It's like it's built in to my personality. I think that anyone who doesn't like us having attention is just being competitive and wants to be centre of attention themself. I had a friend once who was visibly frustrated if I had people showing interest in me more than him. He'd basically sulk because of it, and saw me as a threat to his social status. I saw him as an equal, although he became really outgoing and started to brag a lot so I couldn't stand continuing the friendship.

If you are online and it makes you feel good, then that's great. It can be addictive. I'm sorry to hear you were made to feel bad about being online or posting "too much". I think that it is better to be really active than not at all. In a place like this, people are really inhibited, it isn't easy being part of a social group where there is an eery lack of atmosphere. I've been in situations in real life groups where I was the one doing all the talking. It is a strange sensation because I don't like having to lead and have the focus, yet I am capable of it. It feels like if I have too much social contact, that means I'm bad in some way and taking something away from others.

Perhaps online communication keeps the mind sharp, so even though it isn't proper socialising, at least we may be more ready in situations because we are used to conversations.

I hope that you can relax a bit. I feel guilty writing such long responses and clicking reply (you get the notification, then feel the need to have to respond or acknowledge in some way) I know the feeling. It's great that you said it was nice chatting with me. It means a lot. I have felt really detached from people in general and you seem to be able to have in depth conversations. It's a fantastic quality. It's why we get drained, but it is important. I think it helps mental health being able to have proper chats. If you don't feel up to responding, I understand. You need to do what is best for you, and I hope things improve.
Oh my! I didn't even get to read this fully. Well, I mean of course I will respond to things-eventually. But yeah, you are right, while we are capable of such chats, but it can be draining. Don't feel guilty though. It's just a mentally hectic time for me right now, but it won't always be like this.

I think, suffice it to say, I pretty much agree and share experience with everything you've said...except, maybe sometimes I like to take the lead, lol, but even some rare occasions dont mind being led, but generally, I prefer it to be equal. Then again, that is often the exhausting part because nobody knows when to stop and take a break. Ha! I'm thinking of me and my sister. We can chat like this, but then I get to feeling too overwhelmed and while I enjoy the chat, my body says to take a break, so I have to like pull back and be quiet. I mean, that's not easy for me to do, but I have been working on it, because I don't like having to blatantly say, "Ok, time to be quiet now" or in other harsher ways, like I've had others do when things get too much for them and it's scary to be yelled at. Sigh! Anyway, yea, I need to chill out now for a bit. :p Hope you have a good one!
 
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