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Anxiety with friendship/relationship

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A

anklespankingcrankin

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I’ve had problem with my anxiety in friendships and some relationships regarding whether my friends or people still even want to be around me. I think about it and impacts my daily life quite a bit. Recently I’ve had one in particular that has bothered me. I overthink a lot about these things too which is terrible.
I have been dealing with a coworker that I think I have fallen for. At first I thought it was just a crush but it kept building and staying steady for her. This is my first time I have fallen for someone. We were starting out as friends when we started to talk and that was about 6 months ago. We had never really talked before then but only the occasional hi and waving at the other. We eventually starting going on dates together, hanging outside of work, and texting/facetiming/talking. It seemed like it was going really well considering I have been wanting a relationship. She eventually came with my family and a couple of people from our work to Chicago for my mom's birthday for a weekend. This was about 2 months into us talking. We live all the way in Missouri so it was a far drive from home. She also has never had a boyfriend or been with anyone before since she just recently move from the Philippines to the US. She is also very shy and reserved with herself at work but once you can talk to her she is pretty social. Everything was going well and then in December I asked her if I could give her a kiss on the forehead or hand. I did this at work and wasn't really thinking well. She said no and then everything was really weird and awkward after that. We stopped talking over the phone for about a week and then her and I talked at work about where we stand. We both said that we needed to say something to the other and I apologized to her for how I was rushing the entire situation and I want to really be her friend before I even think about dating her. She asked if we can stay as friends and that we should take it slow and just chill with each other. I was okay with this. We went on dates together, dates in groups and still talked. Later on about the time of March we stopped really going on dates and hanging out. Still talking over the phone and saying hi and having long conversations at work. Since her and I were stating that we were just friends I thought I should look for other people in case I didn't actually like her as much as I did. I wanted to see if I could enjoy the moment with others like I do with her. I met someone and they were really adamant about me not talking and hanging out with the girl from my work. I ended up talking to the girl at work about this, we went on a lunch date with friends and her and I talked about the feelings for each other. I asked her if she has ever or currently liked me more than a friend. She responded with no and said she has seen me as a friend but still told me she wants me to take it slow don't rush things. I told her that this other girl I was talking to told me that she doesn't like me going on dates with her and everything. She said ok and that it was okay with her that we were going to be talking less and all that. That same day we were both at work and I had thought to myself that I really don't want to do that to another person. I don't enjoy having to ignore them and stop my time with them because of a potential relationship. I wouldn't be okay with it if the girl told me to do that to one of my other friends. I ended up telling my coworker about this and she said ok if that's what you want to do. After that conversation she started to ignore me for the next two weeks. If I saw her she would leave the area and go somewhere else. We waved but that was it. We even stopped texting each other. People at work started to notice and were asking me if something happened between us. It was starting to become stressful because I didn't know what I had done. One thing that made me think she was just going to stop talking to me all together is because someone at our work had previously been hitting on her (he was a lot older than her, she is 22 and the guy was about 35). This happened about a year ago before started to talk to each other. He had made a bad impression since she told him that they were friends and he kept telling people at work they were dating and he was also somewhat following her at work. She eventually stopped talking to him altogether and he told me about this before whenever I started to talk to her. She didn't know he had talked to me and I thought that's what she was doing to me. I talked to her and she said no that she wasn't doing it to me. She said that she was ignoring me because that's what someone told her to do. It was because of me changing my mind and saying that I wanted to talk to her still and not stop the connection because I didn't care if she didn't like me back. I enjoy the time with her and just want to be around her and if that means I'm not the one that she is with that is fine with me. She was okay with this and said that she still wanted to keep talking to me and that she truly wanted to keep the connection too. But after that conversation which was about 3 weeks ago we don't really talk outside of work. I have tried to text her a couple times but she doesn't respond. I know she is a bad texter and doesn't get back to people very quickly because I have seen her unread messages and her friends have told me that before so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. I just can't tell what I should do, if this was any other girl I normally would just leave it and not text her back since that is what the vibe is like. But I have been told by her other friends to not worry about it and just take it slow with her and enjoy the moment. It is just weird not talking to her outside of work when about 2 months ago we were talking on her off days and stuff
 
J

JustAUser

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Do you feel emptiness? How bad is your feeling?
 
A

anklespankingcrankin

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Do you feel emptiness? How bad is your feeling?
I don’t feel emptiness. Especially when we aren’t together. It felt really good to be around her when we hung out. It was a lot of fun since I’m not much of a social person. My feeling is very strong on the subject if that’s what you mean. I can control myself to be friends with her and I am happy with it. I just enjoy the company/connection. But I can’t tell if it’s just something that I need to let go. I usually just bring myself back and reel it in to try to stop thinking about it as much. It works sometimes but if we don’t talk for a while then it comes back. When we do have our small talk at work, it feels really good too. There is a lot that I like about her and admire in her. It’s not even the physical traits but just how she carries herself and her goals in life is something that I love and it makes me even more motivated to do my own things.
 
A

anklespankingcrankin

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Sorry if I wasn’t able to answer your reply very well. It took me a little bit to process what you were saying.
 
J

JustAUser

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time heals, you know... worked for me. Now i am a lot stronger.
 
A

anklespankingcrankin

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time heals, you know... worked for me. Now i am a lot stronger.
So it’s something I shouldn’t worry about and let the time pass or something I should try to drop and move on? Thank you for the help
 
J

JustAUser

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So it’s something I shouldn’t worry about and let the time pass or something I should try to drop and move on? Thank you for the help
i think you should think about this situation. And then decide what to do. But it should not harm you and others. Just my opinion.
 
A

anklespankingcrankin

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i think you should think about this situation. And then decide what to do. But it should not harm you and others. Just my opinion.
Ok..I think keeping it going is my best option. Since she and I have both stated that we truly want to keep it going as friends and stay in contact. Whenever I said that we wouldn’t talk anymore, I could tell both of us were upset by it
 
J

JustAUser

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Ok..I think keeping it going is my best option. Since she and I have both stated that we truly want to keep it going as friends and stay in contact. Whenever I said that we wouldn’t talk anymore, I could tell both of us were upset by it
Good luck , man. Really. I can advise you not to get upset in any situation and tell everybody everything that you feel/think - it will definetly help.
 
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