Anxiety over wedding invitation

Artmuzz

Artmuzz

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I’ve been invited to my cousin’s wedding but I don’t want to go because I suffer anxiety, social anxiety, depression and panic disorder. Also I have a phobia for alcohol because if I drink a lot and feel drunk it triggers a panic attack and the hangovers the day after are awful.

My cousin invited me but I haven’t seen him in years and I haven’t seen my other cousins and aunts and uncles in years too who will all be at his wedding and it will be a nerve racking experiencing talking to them which will make my anxiety worse. I phoned my dad and told him that I won’t be going but asked him to tell my cousin that I thank him for the invitation anyway and I hope he has a great day. However, I feel really guilty doing this because it was nice of him to invite me and he was looking forward to seeing me.
 
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Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
I'm sorry you have anxiety, my cousin is getting married in Feb. We are quite close so I'm going.
It's up to you, maybe you could meet up before the wedding, to allay any fears?
If you don't feel well enough, I'm sure it will be fine. If you don't go.
I'm worrying about going too.
Hope you have a nice day if you do go.
Are you having any treatment for your anxiety.
Take care
 
exyz

exyz

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I understand how you feel Artmuzz. If you decide not to go then why not write a card and send it with your best wishes :)
 
H

Helena1

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Yes, I would send a card. I doubt he cares if you are there, it is not like you are close.
 
Artmuzz

Artmuzz

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Thanks for the replies.

I think other than finding it nerve wracking meeting and chatting to aunts, uncles and cousins I haven’t seen for years I am scared to drink alcohol to make me feel better as it gives me a panic attack and the hangovers make my anxiety 10 times worse. Also the wedding is held miles away in the other part of the country which makes traveling difficult because of my anxiety and panic disorder. I’ll send a card.
 
Artmuzz

Artmuzz

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Yes, I would send a card. I doubt he cares if you are there, it is not like you are close.
I don’t think I like your reply and I’m a bit hurt with what you said. If he doesn’t care if I’m there then why send me an invitation? According to my dad my cousin said it would be great to see me a the wedding as it’s been a long time.
 
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exyz

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I think you have made the right decision Artmuzz, it sounds really too stressful, a card is fine, polite and says that you wish them well.

If it is any help, I went to a wedding evening reception last year and we got put on a table with people we didn't know. The noise from the disco was so loud and they had one of them twirly lights too.:eek:

A woman next to me tried to make polite chat, asking me if I worked. Then asked more and more intrusive questions when I said that I had retired early on health grounds. Even when I said it was not something I wanted to talk about, thank you.:rolleyes:

I found it really stressful and was so glad to get home. Thing is, I'm sure your cousin would love to see you so much but on the day, all the celebrations and so on whisk them away from having a longer chat.

Perhaps, take some time after the wedding and go and see them with your Dad when it is quieter.:)

Anyway, a handwritten card would be just the job and your cousin will know that you care.:)
 
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Artmuzz

Artmuzz

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Thanks exyz and Mayflower for your kind replies.

As for Helena1 I haven’t received an apology for her nasty reply and just makes me think of what sort of person she is. Helena1 whoever you are you should realise that this is a forum for people with mental illness and who are vulnerable and writing replies like you did is out of order and you should be ashamed. I shall mention this to the moderator.
 
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Helena1

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I don’t think I like your reply and I’m a bit hurt with what you said. If he doesn’t care if I’m there then why send me an invitation? According to my dad my cousin said it would be great to see me a the wedding as it’s been a long time.
I was trying to help you feel better about not going, that it would probably not be a big deal to the other person and so there is no need for you to be upset. I mean I am sure your cousin would love to see you but I doubt they would be upset about you not going, they will be too busy enjoying the day with their spouse.
 
antimatterTek

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I hate gatherings of my family - which is all kinds of fucked up - but love to hang out with my wife's family. We moved a few years ago to distance ourselves from my family and be near hers.

I have been in the same situation about a cousin's wedding. I simply did not do anything. I doubt she even noticed. People getting married are in the spot light from everyone, I don't think they would notice you weren't there.

I am not trying to be mean - I'm sure your cousin loves you. I DJ weddings sometimes, so I see a lot that goes on.

I used to cope with social situations by getting drunk. After a huge party and drinking about 20 or so coronas, my wife fell down, we took an uber and had him drive us to 7-11 and wait so we could get some food. I woke up still drunk and had to drive home from the beach.

After that, I have had an aversion to alcohol. I am over it.

I just went to one of my wife's cousin's party for memorial day, did not drink and was fine.

We are going on a cruise to the Caribbean in January, so i am sure I will get wasted on that, but then it is back to no alcohol.
 
J

JLong1980

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Don’t feel bad. Make your decisions and just be done with it. I hate going to weddings and funerals and really just anywhere where there’s lots of people that are gonna be looking at me or noticing me. I’d rather be around total strangers out of town if I’m in a crowd or at church where nobody knows me. That’s how I feel invisible. I like it that way because people are fake and I hate small talk and just people in general lol
 
Artmuzz

Artmuzz

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I was trying to help you feel better about not going, that it would probably not be a big deal to the other person and so there is no need for you to be upset. I mean I am sure your cousin would love to see you but I doubt they would be upset about you not going, they will be too busy enjoying the day with their spouse.
I understand now. I didn’t mean to act highly strung and read your reply the wrong way but I guess that’s part of my anxiety disorder.
 
Artmuzz

Artmuzz

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Don’t feel bad. Make your decisions and just be done with it. I hate going to weddings and funerals and really just anywhere where there’s lots of people that are gonna be looking at me or noticing me. I’d rather be around total strangers out of town if I’m in a crowd or at church where nobody knows me. That’s how I feel invisible. I like it that way because people are fake and I hate small talk and just people in general lol
I’ve always hated going to weddings and family reunions but I still appeared at them even though it meant me sitting in the corner like a mannequin but now since I started getting panic disorder and my anxiety has got worse I really dread the thought of going to a wedding or anywhere that requires social contact and I don’t bother going which results in me feeling guilty which makes my anxiety worse so it’s a vicious circle. I am glad I’ve got sound advice in this forum and it has made me feel a bit better.
 
J

JLong1980

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Never feel guilty for being yourself and doing what you’ve gotta do. We can’t all be the same and everyone should reapect and accept you for exactly who you are. I understand what it feels like and I have my moments and bursts of energy when I actually want to go out and be with family or friends or even go out alone to have fun but most of the time I’m introverted and just not interested in that kinda thing. It would help if you stopped feeling guilty and stop apologizing and start just being you and knowing that it’s okay to be happy with yourself the way you are. If you asked all the people that go to weddings and outings and clubs all the time why they go— most of them are gonna tell you they feel so much anxiety but they go because that’s what everyone else does. Some people enjoy these things but most people do it because they feel weird if they don’t. Im my own person and Im not gonna feel bad about it. Now people respect me and already know Im not coming. They still invite me and when I do come out everyone is shocked and the one that invited me is very pleased. Continue to be you. If you don’t enjoy being in the crowd do things that you enjoy instead and leave the other stuff to everyone that enjoys them. Life is short. Dont let anxiety or peer acceptance ruin your one chance at life because it’s not that serious. Lol
 
exyz

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Hello again Artmuzz!

You've struck a chord with a lot of us here! Good to know that we aren't on our own.

I hope that you are doing ok as can be:)
 
M

MT1

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I know your situations it is common in social anxiety, facing situations in which you have to connect with people are really weird. I suggest you find psychotherapist to get rid from social anxiety problems. Wasting time in suffering social anxiety problem not a solution of it, take initiative today.
 

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