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Anxiety over getting yelled at

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Stallone91

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Joined
Nov 3, 2019
Messages
19
Location
USA
Does anyone else get really anxious and start crying whenever getting yelled at? A coworker yelled at me for being a few minutes late for work and I spent the first hour of my shift pacing and try really hard not to cry. Now hours later I'm still obsessing over it. I keep replaying it in my head which leads me to a lot of negative thoughts about myself. It makes me feel like an irrational child rather than an adult.
 
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coggoblin

Member
Joined
Feb 8, 2020
Messages
17
Location
United States
Yes I do the same thing all the time. One recent example that stands out to me was when I was doing a routine insurance registration at the psych clinic I go to and I didn't have my card on me (my dad who was in the waiting room actually ended up having it so it worked out- I digress) and the lady doing the registration raised her voice at me, not quite yelling, but was telling me I should have been prepared. I couldn't control my tears and ran to the bathroom just crying and hyperventilating for like 10 minutes. I felt really pathetic being a 19 year old crying over someone raising their voice at me, but we really can't control these things. But I try to think about why the person yelled, maybe they were having a bad day or someone was mean to them and they're just taking out their anger on you. I have trouble not taking things really personally but I try to just understand why people do the things they do. Like I know the registration lady has to deal with a lot of difficult people (I've seen people flip out on most of the people in the front office) and probably was stressed out. I don't think your coworker would actually be angry at you for being a few minutes late or think you're an irresponsible person because that would be very irrational. I think most people, myself included, are late sometimes. These things just happen and it's okay. You're not childish and you can't help the way these things make you feel, and I wish I could give a perfect solution to this but I like to think it will get easier with time and more exposure to the (unfortunately) inevitable outbursts people will have that are directed at you. I wish you the best in this, and hope you feel better soon because you don't deserve to feel so bad over being a few minutes late because it really doesn't hurt anybody. I think your coworker probably just had some pent up frustration or something. xx
 
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LokiPokey75

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Joined
Apr 1, 2020
Messages
321
Location
United States
Does anyone else get really anxious and start crying whenever getting yelled at? A coworker yelled at me for being a few minutes late for work and I spent the first hour of my shift pacing and try really hard not to cry. Now hours later I'm still obsessing over it. I keep replaying it in my head which leads me to a lot of negative thoughts about myself. It makes me feel like an irrational child rather than an adult.
Hey Stallone91!

Coggoblin makes a lot of great points! I suffer with the same mix of fear and humiliation when somebody yells at me. To be honest, I am bothered by even less than that. I went up to a customer at my work once to tell them about our sales and I think he was busy, I don't know if he was on the phone or what, but just a look of "Piss off" was enough for me to run to the bathroom and cry, like coggoblin did.

It's hard getting out of your own head when these things happen. I always take it personally and I always feel like a piece of crap afterwards.

"I should have known better."
"I should have understood what I was doing wrong."
"I'm an idiot."

This internal dialogue only makes future attempts harder and places ourselves further down our own negative spiral. But when these feelings are so ingrained in your mind, it's hard to separate them from the present moment. I don't know if I'll ever be able to handle someone yelling at me. I'm very sensitive, always have been. But like coggoblin said, it takes exposure to this to really get past it.

Just remember to be intentional about the exposure. When that person's made you upset, don't just wallow in self-pit. Go to a separate area if you can and focus on removing that berating dialogue from your mind. Take away the negativity attached to their words. When you can learn to accept your mistakes, you'll be able to bounce back faster from their anger.

This article can give you some additional tips: The Best Way to React When Someone Is Shouting at You in Anger

It's going to take a long time. It will take a long time for me too. But keep trying to detach your negative reaction from the moment. The more you can do that, the less intense those residual feelings will be.

Good luck and Stay Safe!
 
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Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
690
Location
U.S.
You probably internalize when someone yells and your mind tells you bad things about yourself aside from what the person is saying. Saying things to yourself like "I'm worthless" or "I'm a failure" or "I've ruined everything."

If you can improve your confidence in yourself you will lessen the internaling.

It's hard when you already think so little of yourself to hear someone reinforce that.
 
FlowerBox

FlowerBox

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 7, 2020
Messages
602
Location
Here
I am so bothered by it too and someone doesn't even have to yell at me it could just be that they seem a little upset with me and my mind starts spiraling. I take it so personally and I freeze up and can't say anything back/don't know what to say...

it definitely helps to have a stronger sense of self, it doesn't even have to be mega confidence...but I have noticed when I have been in tune with myself, treating myself nicely, it is easier for me to take a step back and try to see it from the other person's perspective...it really helps to remember that everyone has a ton of stuff going on in their life too and that they probably don't hate you they just boiled over. But that doesn't mean it's unreasonable to be upset about it 🙏
 
Yourneveralone7

Yourneveralone7

Member
Joined
Jun 17, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Medina, OH
I've struggled with this myself. If I see someone text something in all caps, I assume that they're angry. I usually try to watch my tone of voice because I'm so in tune with how other people's voice tone are. I agree that having a stronger sense of self is a great way to better combat this feeling.
 
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ibrah99

Member
Joined
May 18, 2020
Messages
10
Location
united kingdom
Does anyone else get really anxious and start crying whenever getting yelled at? A coworker yelled at me for being a few minutes late for work and I spent the first hour of my shift pacing and try really hard not to cry. Now hours later I'm still obsessing over it. I keep replaying it in my head which leads me to a lot of negative thoughts about myself. It makes me feel like an irrational child rather than an adult.
Hi,
I've come across all sorts of people at work. You did the right thing my suppressing your emotions there and then opening up here (a safe place). No one has the right to talk to you like that EVER. if they have an issue with that, that's their issue :). You have a right to be respected. However, people are imperfect, maybe that frustration and anger towards yourself came from you not Asserting yourself. I would say there are things you can show others that will be accepted (not saying anything), then there are things controversial to some but accepted by others (you standing up for yourself that guy isn't going to like but other people would really be on your side!) and then flat out things you show no one except in an anonymous boundaries safe manner (such as feeling your healthy emotions such as sadness anger and vulnerability) :). Asserting yourself either directly or through your manager is a suggestion for next time.
 
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