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Anxiety or... insanity?

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Paklom

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
4
#1
Hey guys im new here,
my name is Ian and been having some issues that id like to share with you.

Its gonna be a bit long, hope you guys read it and give me your opinion

Ever since i was a child ive been phobic about everything, thats was due to rough childhood. Ive been bullied alot and received quite hate from some people in a very young age. My parents where refuges, came to this country very poor and had many problems to deal with. It was hard to find help and start something that time. When they finally did, it was when i was born. Things were going well at first but then hate started. Neighbours didnt like me and used to bully me a lot. My parents couldnt do anything because we were foreigners. They even called the police for no reason, which made me so anxious and fearful that i couldnt do anythinh or go anywhere without my mom. I was obsessed with the idea that something might happen to my mom and i couldnt lose sight of her. As i grew up that phobia vanished but new came, phobias like - travelling alone- or -leaving town-. Anxiety started going up, stress and panic attacks appeared too. That time i didnt know what was it, always thought it was some medical causing me these symptoms until the age of 16 when i read somehwere about this. Still that didnt change anything, i started having obsession about having an underlying problem like tomur or something which cause me all these stuff. Been in doctors, had tests, everything where alright but still the fear was there. After spending some years fighting it i finaly got over it and pursuaded myself that it is anxiety and fear all along. That was few years ago, still other things occured. Claustrophobia increased a lot, couldnt get into crowned busses or elevators, or anything that had "no escape". Also ive experienced derealization and depersonilazation for some months at that period of time which made me believe that i was losing contact with reality and going insane. That time i started searching stuff on the internet, what causes these things(something i shouldnt have done). Everywhere i searched, anxiety was the answer but my mind was not convinced and wanted to search more, until i read somehwere that it might be a symptom of psychosis. I started panicking, thinking im going crazy. I used to read psychosis symptoms and althought they didnt match with mines i still believed i had it. Anyways after some time that went away, until now. Recently i got a random thought about me harminng someone, i panicked. Never experience such thing before, ive had weird thoughts but not these. Anyway i started seafching about it, thought i was literally going insane until i found out about intrusive thoughts. Everyone experiences these kind of thoughts but considering the way my brain works they got stuck in it. I read somewhere that might be OCD, which actually looked like it. I used to get weird images of me doing harm and i could spend the whole day depressed, feeling guilty, thinking about it all the time.
I spend 4 days home, didnt go anywhere and used to feel like shit(sorry for language). This actually got better now but not the kind of way i expected. I read somewhere that intrusive thoughts might be a bipolar symptom or psychosis symptom and guess what? Yes! My brain started again, but this time it is even more weird(er). I think im going insane or in medical term im having a serious mental illness like psychosis. Althought i have no delusions or hallucinations, i have this thing with my thoughts. What i mean is that i see people and i know they are real but they look dreamy like. I keep telling myself that ive had this before but still cant convince me. I also get weird deep thoughts, thoughts i havent had before like whys that like this and other kind of stuff. I also talk with myself sometimes(in my head), something almost everyone does, but my head thinks its hallucinations. Cant focus or concentrate that much, always keep thinking that i have a mental illness. Constant feeling of unreal and depressed. Ive never had a GP or anyone to help me much, only my parents. Im afraid to seek help because i dont wish my fear to come true, i just hope that one day itll go away(althought i dont believe it).

I know this is too big but tbh i feel kinda releaved. Whether or not you guys dont read this, thank you a lot.
 
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Paklom

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
4
#2
I wrote all this stuff and i forgot to add one of my main reasons why i did it. Your opinion.
So, what do you think guys over this?
 
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ZAGOR

Member
Joined
Jan 3, 2019
Messages
15
#3
Wow I thought you were describing me. I had all those symptoms you have and many more. Also I came as a refegee and had a shity childhood. Anxiety is like a tree, and tree has many branches and symptoms like ocd, depersonalization, derealization etc are branches of anxiety. You absolutely are not having psychosis. I also sometimes see things. Not real but kinda hard to explain. Talking in my head is normal. Normal for anxiety. If you go to doctor he will not say you are insane. You will get some medications that might help but talking therapy for you would be maybe better. Go see a doctor so you stop that anxiety. Forget psychosis. Psychosis is when you see people like you see your mom. And when you hear voices like you hear real people talking. Take care
 
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Paklom

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
4
#4
Wow I thought you were describing me. I had all those symptoms you have and many more. Also I came as a refegee and had a shity childhood. Anxiety is like a tree, and tree has many branches and symptoms like ocd, depersonalization, derealization etc are branches of anxiety. You absolutely are not having psychosis. I also sometimes see things. Not real but kinda hard to explain. Talking in my head is normal. Normal for anxiety. If you go to doctor he will not say you are insane. You will get some medications that might help but talking therapy for you would be maybe better. Go see a doctor so you stop that anxiety. Forget psychosis. Psychosis is when you see people like you see your mom. And when you hear voices like you hear real people talking. Take care
Thank you for replying my friend its actually nice to know that im not alone but sad at the same time that we going thru this.. btw how are you doing now, any progress?
And through all the things you suffered did you experienced intrusive thoughts as well?
 
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ZAGOR

Member
Joined
Jan 3, 2019
Messages
15
#5
I am not doing good because I took wrong medication and because of them my anxiety and depression are real bad. I need to wean off of that med completely in order to start feeling better. I had intrusive thoughts a lot. I would get pictures of people and various things in my head. I would lead conversation like "hey how are you, good you" it was like 2 people were talking in my brain or me idk. Also I would get bad thoughts. It went away. Then it came back a few weeks ago for about a week or so and is gone again. So yours will go away no doubt but you need help. CBT is best for you, fukk medications. Dont get stuck on them like me. TC