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Anxiety of trying to organise myself

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grim1234

New member
Joined
May 2, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Poland
Hi. I specifically made an account here so I can talk with people about my problem, because I feel like understanding my problem, instead of just reading tips on the web, will be a better solution. At least I hope so..

I have depression and some anxiety problems. The biggest anxiety I have is the anxiety of work and organisation. I am in heart an artist, but I don't do anything with it. I'm not that good, but sometimes I will draw something that even in my eyes is very good and I see potential of it eventually becoming my career if I created more.

But I don't believe in myself, I don't believe I can become better, I don't believe I am able to create every day, because I feel like I'm not fit for being an organised person. I feel very big stress when I'm thinking about any kind of duty. I also feel depressed when I'm imagining this kind of life. Basically I'm afraid of getting stuff done, because it feels like a nonhuman thing to do, more like a robot's thing to do. To do stuff because you need to instead of doing it because you really want to. I guess I lack any kind of motivation, goals that will push me toward doing something. I don't feel any kind of good emotions when thinking about accomplishing something. Well, maybe one thing makes me feel some excitement: I always wanted to make a video game. Tried to several times but always the amount of work and the fact that I will not be able to create my vision overnight stopped me.

I'd like to be more organised, make stuff done, just make SOMETHING to create more and more so I can become more and more of someone, instead of being noone.

But even when writing this I feel like I only talked about the tip of an iceberg, there are just so many conflicting thoughts going on in my head, constantly finding new things that are wrong with me that I ultimately have no idea what I should really be working on and it feels like there is no real starting point for me, because there are so many things fundamentally wrong with me that I will constantly find something that will hold me back. It just feels like when I'm thinking of some solution more problems emerge in my mind.

Did you have a chaotic way of life and helped yourself? Can you describe what you did to make the chaos go away and feel comfortable with being organised, to the point of never looking back at previous way of life?
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
I suppose my first question would be why do you feel the need to analyse yourself, find faults to put right? Is it a question that you have a vision of where you want to be and you think there are things wrong with you preventing you from getting there? I would put it to you that it's more a question of adding skill sets, building on who you are as a person (not taking away) that will lead you to your destination. The real question is what do you want to accomplish and how ;)
 
G

grim1234

New member
Joined
May 2, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Poland
I suppose my first question would be why do you feel the need to analyse yourself, find faults to put right? Is it a question that you have a vision of where you want to be and you think there are things wrong with you preventing you from getting there? I would put it to you that it's more a question of adding skill sets, building on who you are as a person (not taking away) that will lead you to your destination. The real question is what do you want to accomplish and how ;)
Good question... I wasted many years of my life doing nothing. Couldn't even keep a job, so most of my life I spent jobless. It's mainly this. I want to finally get on the right track. That's the main motivation for becoming organised and because of so many wasted years I feel pressure to make my life worthwhile and thus orginised if I want to get stuff I feel passionate about done. I I haven't wasted these years I would be more at ease and have more positive motivation to make stuff. Being young an inexperienced also would help, because I wouldn't have this pressure to become someone as fast as I can. Now I'm nearly 30 and it drags me down just thinking about how much of a loser I am. I keep thinking that I'm no good and that at this point I should've accomplished something already. I feel like I'm nothing.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
Time can have a negative impact as you are only too aware, but haven't you wasted enough time already beating yourself up about it? You have a dream/inspiration what is it that is blocking/preventing you from achieving it :)
 
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